anyone have an image source?
On Monday, I went to work feeling like I needed another weekend. Last weekend was a total whirlwind of good and great things, but it left me feeling depleted. I started the week exhausted and fearful for the week ahead. I was busy at work. I was getting ready to travel. I didn't know when I'd get my workouts in. I had no food and no time to go to the grocery. I was feeling stressed by stressors I'd created on my own.
And suddenly I found myself house-bound for two full days.
But instead of feeling like my usual self, I felt energy low. I had an entire day at home, but didn't feel like packing for my trip, working out, baking or doing much else besides cleaning out my inbox and going for a walk around the neighborhood. I didn't feel like myself.
And I felt guilty.
Like I should have used the time to organize something that didn't need reorganization. Or do a killer three-hour workout. Or at least pack for the weekend.
But I didn't do those things. I relaxed. I hung up our freshly washed shower curtain. I blogged. I replied to emails. I strolled around the neighborhood. And that was all.
And that was enough.
All too often I let being productive define who I am. I let it give me worth. I let it make me feel like I am worth space on this earth because I earned this space. I organized something, gosh darnit! I did a hard workout. Doesn't that make me worth this little plot of land?
It doesn't. It makes me productive, yes. And it makes me a good employee. And a good volunteer. And it makes me have an organized closet. And those are good things.
But sometimes it makes me tired. And I've noticed that even though I've tried to pare down my calendar, I was still feeling tired and overwhelmed. Like I was drowning. Because I wasn't using my free time to slow down. I wasn't allowing myself to just be.
So on our snow day yesterday, I practiced just being. I was uncomfortable. I was anxious about not working out. I was anxious about not organizing under my bed (yes, I said it.). So I read Robyn's post on rest for a reminder. And then, I relaxed. Took some deep (grounding, sanity-inducing) breaths. Sipped coffee. Went for a walk. Stole a yard sign to go sledding with Melly and Chris. Made nachos and margs and cookies.
And realized it was just what my body needed. There will be time for a good, sweaty workout tomorrow. There will be time to run around like a crazy person. There will be time for all of these things.
But yesterday? Yesterday was for resting. And it was good.