A friend of mine recently ended a relationship and, before doing so, said that a big part of not wanting to end it was simply that she didn't want to be single.
For the obvious reasons - yes. Because it's fun to be in a relationship and to have someone to do things with and to go on dates. But then, there was another reason. She said:
People treat you differently when you're in a relationship.
And, honestly, I think she's right. People ask you on double dates. And get excited about your developing relationship. And ask you about your life and his life. It can feel like people find you a little more worthy of love because, in fact, someone has chosen you as the target of their love.
And as someone who recently moved from singleness into coupledness, I've felt it. I've had all of the above things happen to me and I suddenly noticed how much less scary New Year's Eve was. I don't really care what we do this year... I remember thinking.
It's not just that people treat you differently, but that you begin to treat yourself a little differently. It can be easy to believe that because someone else has selected you, you are, in fact more worthy.
But, it's really important to me that I don't let myself believe it. I don't want anything to define my worth. Whether it be a relationship
or my blog followers
or an engagement ring
or Instagram likes
or how busy I am
or my job
or my weight
or anything. define my worthiness.
I don't want to get into a rhythm of evaluating and performing and obsessing. I don't want to allow any of these things to impact how I feel about myself and my current state.
I want to live a life where I am sure in myself and my worth in Christ. I want to cultivate a life that allows me to know I am enough, even when I'm ready for something more. A life that allows me to believe that doing my best is better than being perfect. That calls me to stand for contentedness in the present. A life that allows me to pursue my dreams and dream of all that I want, but not allow my wants to taint what I have right now.
Because what I have and who I am is all that I need right now.
In fact, it's enough.