five truths about friendship in your 20s

One of the trickier balances I've discovered in my 20s is

the female friendship

. You transition from besties-living-in-the-tiniest-spaces-doing-everything-together to, oftentimes, cross-country friends who are living different lives and struggling to find time for a quick phone call.

And, when you do have a super tight friendship with a single girl friend, when one of you gets a boyfriend, it can often feel like you go from being her stand-in significant other to a side piece.

Friendships in your 20s are tough. They change constantly and require a balance of grace and understanding as we navigate this decade.

{circa 1992 with my cousins, Becca & Allie}

Although I haven't figured it all out, here's what the last six years in my 20s have taught me about friendship after college.


It's OK to be different from each other

. In college, my friends and I were all similar. We liked to spend our weekends the same way, had similar schedules and shared a lot of the same values. As we've gotten older, these things have changed - along with so many other aspects of our lives. Along the way I've learned that this is OK. In fact, it's wonderful. By having different thoughts and opinions, we provide one another different perspective and keep each other grounded. If we all believed and thought the same way, life would be super boring.


Things are going to change.

And that is OK, too. I tend to crave physical change, but mourn emotional change. I want everybody to be as close as we can possibly be,

forever and ever

. But, in my 20s, I've learned that as life changes, our friendships sort of go through a sifter. And different aspects fall through. What you have left, though, is the stuff that really matters from each friendship.


Make new friends, but keep the old

was the right approach after all

. That song you sung in Girl Scouts when you were little was right. As you make new friends, you allow yourself to grow and your life to change. That doesn't mean your old friends are less valuable, it just means your circle has grown.


Not everybody will care about the same things


When I was in Africa

, we were preparing to leave for home and something

Bob Goff

told us was to be wise about what we shared with people. He said not everyone will connect with or care about your stories and, after experiencing something so sensitive and life changing, it's important to protect yourself from that. I've realized a lot of things in our 20s can be this way. Life can rock you and shake you and it's important to realize that some people might not understand why you make certain decisions. Share the most important details with your closest confidantes, who will be sensitive with your heart.


Don't let go of the ones that matter

. My mom always tells me I'm lucky to have made once in a lifetime friendships more than once this lifetime. And she's right. When you find those people, cling tightly to them. You'll find that during some seasons, it will take more work to do this than others. But make the phone call, send the email and book the flight. Little efforts often make the biggest differences in our friendships.

Happy Wednesday, friends!