When I first quit my job, Chris would often jokingly say: You've been given the gift of time! One of the world's non-renewable resources! Meanwhile, I'd be floundering around the house, overwhelmed by where to begin, what to accomplish first, how to make a difference...
Although I had more hours than I needed for the first time in years, I found myself obsessively making to do lists, checking my blog analytics and watching YouTube tutorials about growing a brand. I was creating work for myself because the thought of stillness - of not accomplishing a lot during the day - was overwhelming. I was putting immense pressure on myself to create meaningful output quickly.
I was in a cycle that I like to call rotary thinking, which can also, more technically, be called anxiety. It's when my brain starts rotating around and around, one oppressive thought leading to the next, when logic and Truth can't find their way in. It led me to believe that an arbitrary to do list was more important than finding stillness. It led me to believe that everyone was watching me, waiting for me to fail, wondering why I hadn't accomplished more yet.
When I get in these patterns of rotary thinking, the only solution to stop them is a Truth Arrow, which, again, is a totally made up term. But, a Truth Arrow is when something real - something grounding - pops into my brain. And, like an arrow, it shoots across the middle of my circling thoughts, cutting them in half and breaking them up. Back in September, the truth arrow was that I don't have to be in such a hurry to matter. First of all, no one is watching and wondering what I've accomplished, because everyone else is doing their own thing. And, second of all, I don't have to prove that I matter.
Because we all matter, regardless of what we do or accomplish each day.
If you're like me and you find yourself in a hurry to find your calling, go after your dreams and make a difference in this world, I wanted to remind you, today, that you already matter. You don't have to earn your keep. You have a long time to make a difference in this world and, when the time is right, you will. You are not forgotten, you are not on this Earth without reason. There are seasons for waiting, seasons for stillness and seasons for hustle. Rest when you're meant to rest. Be still when you're meant to be still. And, when it's time to hustle? Get ready, because you're gonna be hustlin.