lots of travel and an ATL bucket list update

After I got back from Africa, I went straight to Boston and East Long Meadow, Massachusetts for work:

Then Austin with Robyn:

Chicago and Freeport, Illinois for work (with an added bonus of friend time):

And today I head to Toronto and next week back to Chicago. 

With all of the weekly travel, I've become obsessed with the unplanned weekend. I'd already developed a deep love for it when my brothers first moved here this summer - keeping my weekends open for them, hoping to explore new nooks and crannies. 

But now, my love has become a full-blown obsession. I crave slow weekends, wide open for Atlanta adventures. Last weekend was tip top on the scale - I tried three new restaurants and showed Duke new areas of town. With all of this adventuring, I realized I need to give a serious ATL bucket list update.

But first, last weekend's review:

Urban Pl8: New to me, not new to Atlanta. And it was grrrr8. The menu had a ton of gluten free and vegan options, which is always a plus. I loved the vibe - I sat there for three hours reading blogs, eating breakfast and sipping coffee. How's that for an unplanned Saturday?

Timone's: New to Atlanta, from Ron Eyester, who also owns Family Dog and Rosebud. We LOVED the atmosphere. Duke loved the pizza. For me, the sauce was a little too sweet and I didn't love the cheese mix. However, next time I would just add jalapenos for spice and ask for Parmesan only. I think that would do the trick. And, with it being just a few blocks away, I will definitely give it another try. 

Chicken Biddy: New to me, one-year-old in ATL. This place is my jam. I love the decor and the food was amazing. I had black bean soup, GF cornbread and a quinoa spinach salad. How I've never ventured here when it's just a mile from my house is beyond me. It will definitely be a new favorite. The ONLY complaint I had is that the food is small. If you're starving, order more than you think you'll want. 

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Since posting, I've checked off quite a few more places, including Zoo Atlanta, Octane Coffee, Oktoberfest in Helen and I went to Paris on Ponce, but didn't buy anything. So it doesn't count. 

I've added a few new things, too, including Chomp & Stomp (it feels like a Cabbagetown staple), Juicy Jenny (new to town, from Souper Jenny) and running in Lullwater Preserve. I forgot what a gem Lullwater is until I took Duke this weekend. He was speechless as we explored the park, which made me realize I've been holding out on you fare readers. 

Here's what's on my agenda for the rest of 2013. Think I can do it all? 

Grant Park Farmers' market 

Live music at Eddie's attic

Atlanta Botanical Garden (Garden Lights, Holiday Nights!)

Falafel King in Emory Village

Tour Oakland Cemetary

Here we go :) 

10 things i can tell you about your husband

So far, in the first half of 2014, I'm in two weddings and have been invited to two weddings and four destination bachelorette parties. Essentially, January to June of next year is wedding season. Plus one baby shower I'm hosting. 

And I'm pumped about this. It's going to be one fun spring. I cannot wait to watch my friends marry the men of their dreams; begin to build their families and futures. 

But, as a single girl, something I've both watched happen and experienced myself is the feeling that there is a club to which I've not been invited. Somehow, my friends keep getting invitations from the future - husbands, registries, honeymoons and babies. And for some reason, I just can't swing an invite. 

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As I've watched my friends get engaged, I've seen a very real and obvious transition in their demeanor. They have immediately shifted from an attitude of "it's just us single girls" to "it's just you single girls." And I want to be very clear here: this is not wrong.

Heck no! In fact, I think almost any girl in her 20s that is ready to get married would gladly swap that us for a you. 

But, the truth is, when you're left in the single pile, as your friends slowly get chosen, it can get lonely. You begin to wonder why your friends are finding really great guys and you somehow keep going on dates where the guy is suggesting tequila shots on a Tuesday and stopping for chewing tobacco on the drive home (true story). 

You begin to wonder: is it me? Am I talking too much? Wearing the wrong thing? Not playing hard to get? Playing too hard to get? 

I've hesitated to write this post for a while because I'm still single and I feared people would consider my advice irrelevant because of that. But then I realized that it is inevitable: once I get engaged, things will change for me, too. I will stop thinking about these things. I will inevitably stop feeling single. 

So, these are the things I wish someone had told me before I'd met my husband. Or rather, before I even ventured into the 20-something dating scene. 

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1. When you meet your husband, you won't worry about messing it up.

I've dated guys that I've been constantly worried about messing it up with: I worried about what I said. Was I too loud? Did I talk to much? Does he like the restaurant I picked? Does he really want to go to this wedding with me, or does he feel obligated? And I've dated guys around whom I've felt completely myself: messy hair, talkative, with my real emotions just pouring out. 

And you know what? Even though I am still single, I know the latter is where I'm supposed to land. I don't want to live a life of performing, where I'm constantly looking and acting perfect for my husband. Do I want to please him, for him to find me attractive and amazing? Of course. But I want a real life, where he finds me attractive even when I have on leggings and glasses and no makeup, not just when I have on date attire. I know the freedom I find when being my honest self is the freedom I want in my marriage. 

2. Marry a nice guy.

I freaking love players. There. I said it. UGH. It's a disease, you know? I have dated players and meanies and looked deep into their eyes and thought: oh I could love you. I could be the one you turn nice for. I know you've hurt girls before, but when you see how great I am, I think you'll want to put a ring on it and mellow out. 

First of all: this is really rare. I have seen this happen (a) in movies and (b) for a few of my friends, but these instances are the exception to the rule. It's very rare that a guy who has serious issues (that need therapy) will meet you and suddenly all of those self-worth issues will be resolved. People change, yes, yes yes. BUT it is not your job to change someone. So please, my friends, give the nice guys a chance. 

When I was in Africa, I was watching Bob Goff play a game with the kids and I had this moment of clarity. I thought: that's a nice guy. And if you marry a nice guy, you get a future with a nice man. 

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3. Don't pursue guys.

If a guy is interested, he will find a way to talk to you. I once had a guy text me about his hemorrhoid. Not kidding. If a guy wants to talk to you, he will find a way to do it. Just sit back and enjoy the show, my friends. 

4. Don't play games.

You know what else I used to love? Games. They made me feel like I was in control; like I was handling the situation, the relationship. But if you're super gamey up front, when you stop playing the games in the middle, you'll quickly find the end. Just be yourself. I used to wait exactly ten minutes longer than the guy did to reply to a text. But, who was I fooling? We all have our phones on us all  the dang time. 

5. Slow down, enjoy dating.

When you go from dating to married, things obviously change. And one thing that will happen is that him taking you on a nice date won't quite be the same. Your money will be shared. Your calendars will be shared. Enjoy the fact that a guy is making time on your calendar to take you on a date.

6. Don't lose yourself.

In friendships. In new relationships. In work. There are a lot of things in our 20s that will offer - if not threaten - to define us. Don't become any one thing. Just become yourself. And when you meet your husband, he will fully embrace it.

7. Don't confuse criticism with a lack of love.

I'm a recovering (and sometimes still struggling) perfectionist. One of the hardest things for me to learn has been that just because someone doesn't like an idea I have, or what I choose to do, doesn't mean they don't love me. Does it mean they're right? Not necessarily. But being willing to look outside of our ideas and opinions makes us stronger individuals, and will make us stronger in our future relationships. 

8. When you're dating the right person, you will have peace.

You won't constantly worry about whether or not it's right. If you're consumed by wondering if you should end it - but are afraid to - you should probably end it. 

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9. Listen to the people that love you.

Listen to your gut, of course. But also, if everyone that loves you doesn't love him, there's probably more to it. My siblings and my parents are my litmus test, hands down. They've seen me through it all and if they say there's smoke, I know I need to check for fire. 

10. If there are really, really big differences in dating, don't ignore them.

I know I have to marry a Christian - and he has to lead me. I know this isn't everyone's priority, but figure out what are your priorities, and don't settle. I don't give two hoots about politics (seriously - I had no idea it was a big voting day in GA last week), but I care about other things very deeply. I know that. And I won't forget about them.

11. (Bonus!) He makes sure you know you're enough.

Dressed up. In sweatpants. Hyper. Sleepy. Hangry. Giddy. From head to know. You are enough. Don't forget it. 

let's work together!

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pipe dreams and reality

Are you tired of hearing about Africa yet? :) 

To be honest, I stopped journaling after what I've told you. Not because I wasn't thinking about things anymore, but because, as I mentioned after visiting the prisons, I stopped processing. My head literally hurt trying to figure out why I was on this trip. And then finally I just heard a voice saying Stop. Stop trying to figure everything out. Just be here. 

So after graduation, I stopped trying to analyze and process. I stopped stressing about fitting all of this into my life and instead just embraced it. 

On our last day in Gulu we hosted a witch doctors' graduation, during which time we washed their feet. I'm so grateful I'd gone into this mode by the time we did it. This was only my second time washing feet and the last time was on a mission trip in high school. Back then, I don't think I realized the gravity of it. 

There is something very humbling about both washing someone's feet and also having your feet washed. I felt honored to be on the giving end of it. The experience almost brought me to tears and also filled me up with certainty and joy. That seems to be the theme of this trip - teetering on joy and pain at every minute. 

I once read that there is actually a very thin line between love and hate - the two being closely linked, emotional extremes. I think joy and pain might be the same way. The joy I feel is so absolute, but also deeply tied to the pain I see. How can they feel so much emotional joy when they have so much physical pain? And how can there be so much emotional pain in the US when there is so much material joy? Can we not have it all? Are we seeking it in the wrong places? Is there a solution?

On the trip I realized the beauty in a simpler life. Now that I'm back into my U.S. routine, I yearn for my makeup free, hairbrush free (basically dreads), get ready in 12-minutes, including a shower lifestyle. I yearn to be unplugged again. I yearn for the deep, deep sleep. I yearn for my afternoon agenda to consist of ring around the rosie and Ugandan tribal language lessons. 

And there's more. 

Because I yearn for the way I didn't care about being skinny. The way I didn't worry about getting my workout in. The way I didn't look in the mirror. The way I wasn't constantly bombarded with the idea that smaller and skinnier is beautiful. 

The way that, in fact, vulnerability was the most beautiful thing I saw. The way honest joy and pure openness and excitement and gratitude were abundant. Hope in Christ and unabashed faith. 

Why, just one week later, am I already worried about working out again? When I first got back, I thought I looked a little funny with my hair curled and makeup on. Now, I'm back to my routine: makeup and wifi and exercising and overscheduling.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life in Atlanta. I love my material comforts, my social life, my mascara (though my hairbrush has largely lost its appeal now that I realized I can go that long without it). 

But what I can't stop wondering is: can there be a balance? Can we meet in the middle, somewhere between the developed and undeveloped world? Does it have to be all or nothing? I can't help but think the most perfect world falls somewhere between the two. A little bit of unplugging for America, a little bit of development for Africa. 

Unrealistic, I may be. But I'm OK with that. I never, ever vowed to be realistic. But what I hope is realistic is my desire to hold on to what I learned.

To stay less vain. To care less about how I look.

To remember kindness first. To love fastest.

To remember the peaceful feeling I felt while in Africa, the emotional and spiritual rest I felt.

To never, ever become complacent. You don't like your job? Quit. You're in a bad relationship? Get out. We are not called to a life of suffering for no reason.

Not to say things I don't mean or do things out of guilt. We only have so much time and I want to use it well.

And that, my friends, is what Africa taught me.

Thank you, thank you for reading and for your incredible support. I hope you enjoyed it :)