guest post: jaime from la vie...j'aime

Hi friends! Today I am so excited to share a post from Jaime at La Vi... J'aime. She wrote this for me to post while I was in Africa, but I somehow failed to press publish while I was gone. I am so excited for you to read about a time she trusted her gut!

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I was excited when Whitney asked me to guest post for her while on her African trip but was slightly intimidated by the subject: tell us about a time you listened to your gut...whether it be taking a risk or sticking with something. 

I can’t really count many situations where I’ve been at a crossroads with Road A and Road B before me. A few major decisions, like choosing my college, came pretty easily. I applied early decision, and off I went to Syracuse University. I knew I’d move back home after to pursue a career and build my life in Boston, near where I grew up. 

Then I remembered a time when I was sixteen and going with friends on a teen tour abroad in Europe. I signed up with three friends and was placed on a trip with one of them that left in late June. My other friend, called me asking to switch trip dates and go with her. This trip left the first week in July. I decided on that phone call to change trips and leave in July, with a girl I actually wasn't as good of friends with but felt it was right to change. 

At the time, my grandma was sick and her health was declining very quickly. She was diagnosed in the spring and passed away in early July, July 3rd. My teen tour that I changed to left on July 5th, the evening of her funeral. I guess that feeling to change my trip months before had meaning, as I was able to attend her funeral. If I hadn’t changed, I would’ve already been on the trip when she passed away.

 It’s something I always remember when I think about listening to myself and having a belief in fate, that things work out for a reason whether you know it then or not.

lots of travel and an ATL bucket list update

After I got back from Africa, I went straight to Boston and East Long Meadow, Massachusetts for work:

Then Austin with Robyn:

Chicago and Freeport, Illinois for work (with an added bonus of friend time):

And today I head to Toronto and next week back to Chicago. 

With all of the weekly travel, I've become obsessed with the unplanned weekend. I'd already developed a deep love for it when my brothers first moved here this summer - keeping my weekends open for them, hoping to explore new nooks and crannies. 

But now, my love has become a full-blown obsession. I crave slow weekends, wide open for Atlanta adventures. Last weekend was tip top on the scale - I tried three new restaurants and showed Duke new areas of town. With all of this adventuring, I realized I need to give a serious ATL bucket list update.

But first, last weekend's review:

Urban Pl8: New to me, not new to Atlanta. And it was grrrr8. The menu had a ton of gluten free and vegan options, which is always a plus. I loved the vibe - I sat there for three hours reading blogs, eating breakfast and sipping coffee. How's that for an unplanned Saturday?

Timone's: New to Atlanta, from Ron Eyester, who also owns Family Dog and Rosebud. We LOVED the atmosphere. Duke loved the pizza. For me, the sauce was a little too sweet and I didn't love the cheese mix. However, next time I would just add jalapenos for spice and ask for Parmesan only. I think that would do the trick. And, with it being just a few blocks away, I will definitely give it another try. 

Chicken Biddy: New to me, one-year-old in ATL. This place is my jam. I love the decor and the food was amazing. I had black bean soup, GF cornbread and a quinoa spinach salad. How I've never ventured here when it's just a mile from my house is beyond me. It will definitely be a new favorite. The ONLY complaint I had is that the food is small. If you're starving, order more than you think you'll want. 

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Since posting, I've checked off quite a few more places, including Zoo Atlanta, Octane Coffee, Oktoberfest in Helen and I went to Paris on Ponce, but didn't buy anything. So it doesn't count. 

I've added a few new things, too, including Chomp & Stomp (it feels like a Cabbagetown staple), Juicy Jenny (new to town, from Souper Jenny) and running in Lullwater Preserve. I forgot what a gem Lullwater is until I took Duke this weekend. He was speechless as we explored the park, which made me realize I've been holding out on you fare readers. 

Here's what's on my agenda for the rest of 2013. Think I can do it all? 

Grant Park Farmers' market 

Live music at Eddie's attic

Atlanta Botanical Garden (Garden Lights, Holiday Nights!)

Falafel King in Emory Village

Tour Oakland Cemetary

Here we go :) 

10 things i can tell you about your husband

So far, in the first half of 2014, I'm in two weddings and have been invited to two weddings and four destination bachelorette parties. Essentially, January to June of next year is wedding season. Plus one baby shower I'm hosting. 

And I'm pumped about this. It's going to be one fun spring. I cannot wait to watch my friends marry the men of their dreams; begin to build their families and futures. 

But, as a single girl, something I've both watched happen and experienced myself is the feeling that there is a club to which I've not been invited. Somehow, my friends keep getting invitations from the future - husbands, registries, honeymoons and babies. And for some reason, I just can't swing an invite. 

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As I've watched my friends get engaged, I've seen a very real and obvious transition in their demeanor. They have immediately shifted from an attitude of "it's just us single girls" to "it's just you single girls." And I want to be very clear here: this is not wrong.

Heck no! In fact, I think almost any girl in her 20s that is ready to get married would gladly swap that us for a you. 

But, the truth is, when you're left in the single pile, as your friends slowly get chosen, it can get lonely. You begin to wonder why your friends are finding really great guys and you somehow keep going on dates where the guy is suggesting tequila shots on a Tuesday and stopping for chewing tobacco on the drive home (true story). 

You begin to wonder: is it me? Am I talking too much? Wearing the wrong thing? Not playing hard to get? Playing too hard to get? 

I've hesitated to write this post for a while because I'm still single and I feared people would consider my advice irrelevant because of that. But then I realized that it is inevitable: once I get engaged, things will change for me, too. I will stop thinking about these things. I will inevitably stop feeling single. 

So, these are the things I wish someone had told me before I'd met my husband. Or rather, before I even ventured into the 20-something dating scene. 

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1. When you meet your husband, you won't worry about messing it up.

I've dated guys that I've been constantly worried about messing it up with: I worried about what I said. Was I too loud? Did I talk to much? Does he like the restaurant I picked? Does he really want to go to this wedding with me, or does he feel obligated? And I've dated guys around whom I've felt completely myself: messy hair, talkative, with my real emotions just pouring out. 

And you know what? Even though I am still single, I know the latter is where I'm supposed to land. I don't want to live a life of performing, where I'm constantly looking and acting perfect for my husband. Do I want to please him, for him to find me attractive and amazing? Of course. But I want a real life, where he finds me attractive even when I have on leggings and glasses and no makeup, not just when I have on date attire. I know the freedom I find when being my honest self is the freedom I want in my marriage. 

2. Marry a nice guy.

I freaking love players. There. I said it. UGH. It's a disease, you know? I have dated players and meanies and looked deep into their eyes and thought: oh I could love you. I could be the one you turn nice for. I know you've hurt girls before, but when you see how great I am, I think you'll want to put a ring on it and mellow out. 

First of all: this is really rare. I have seen this happen (a) in movies and (b) for a few of my friends, but these instances are the exception to the rule. It's very rare that a guy who has serious issues (that need therapy) will meet you and suddenly all of those self-worth issues will be resolved. People change, yes, yes yes. BUT it is not your job to change someone. So please, my friends, give the nice guys a chance. 

When I was in Africa, I was watching Bob Goff play a game with the kids and I had this moment of clarity. I thought: that's a nice guy. And if you marry a nice guy, you get a future with a nice man. 

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3. Don't pursue guys.

If a guy is interested, he will find a way to talk to you. I once had a guy text me about his hemorrhoid. Not kidding. If a guy wants to talk to you, he will find a way to do it. Just sit back and enjoy the show, my friends. 

4. Don't play games.

You know what else I used to love? Games. They made me feel like I was in control; like I was handling the situation, the relationship. But if you're super gamey up front, when you stop playing the games in the middle, you'll quickly find the end. Just be yourself. I used to wait exactly ten minutes longer than the guy did to reply to a text. But, who was I fooling? We all have our phones on us all  the dang time. 

5. Slow down, enjoy dating.

When you go from dating to married, things obviously change. And one thing that will happen is that him taking you on a nice date won't quite be the same. Your money will be shared. Your calendars will be shared. Enjoy the fact that a guy is making time on your calendar to take you on a date.

6. Don't lose yourself.

In friendships. In new relationships. In work. There are a lot of things in our 20s that will offer - if not threaten - to define us. Don't become any one thing. Just become yourself. And when you meet your husband, he will fully embrace it.

7. Don't confuse criticism with a lack of love.

I'm a recovering (and sometimes still struggling) perfectionist. One of the hardest things for me to learn has been that just because someone doesn't like an idea I have, or what I choose to do, doesn't mean they don't love me. Does it mean they're right? Not necessarily. But being willing to look outside of our ideas and opinions makes us stronger individuals, and will make us stronger in our future relationships. 

8. When you're dating the right person, you will have peace.

You won't constantly worry about whether or not it's right. If you're consumed by wondering if you should end it - but are afraid to - you should probably end it. 

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9. Listen to the people that love you.

Listen to your gut, of course. But also, if everyone that loves you doesn't love him, there's probably more to it. My siblings and my parents are my litmus test, hands down. They've seen me through it all and if they say there's smoke, I know I need to check for fire. 

10. If there are really, really big differences in dating, don't ignore them.

I know I have to marry a Christian - and he has to lead me. I know this isn't everyone's priority, but figure out what are your priorities, and don't settle. I don't give two hoots about politics (seriously - I had no idea it was a big voting day in GA last week), but I care about other things very deeply. I know that. And I won't forget about them.

11. (Bonus!) He makes sure you know you're enough.

Dressed up. In sweatpants. Hyper. Sleepy. Hangry. Giddy. From head to know. You are enough. Don't forget it. 

let's work together!

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If you're interested in doing a giveaway or a sponsored post, email me: whitney.biber@gmail.com