20 Things I Hope I Never Forget About my 20s

I was recently talking with a friend who is trying to find himself right now - he's fresh out of college and feels like he's been smacked in the face with reality. He's far from his friends, his job is hard and budgeting is even harder.

Nobody warned me, is what it seems like he wants to yell from the mountaintops with a megaphone. 

Watching him sit there - just a few years younger than me but a world away - made me think about what the last five years have looked like. I spend a lot of time giving advice to 20-somethings, because it can be a bit of a siloed decade. And I believe if we link arms with one another as we wade through it, we will grow and learn so much more.

I hope that alongside that, though, is my message that this decade is beautiful. 

We have a tendency to want to race through it because the growing pains it brings are real. But, it's important we don't do that. It's a period of trial and error, but it's also a wonderful decade, where you get to make new friends, launch your career, learn how to navigate post-grad relationships and so much more. There are beautiful things about it I hope I never forget. So, inspired by Laura Marie's post:

20 things I hope I never forget about my 20s:

1. The feeling of signing my first job offer letter. Realizing I was actually, totally employable and going to have a grown up job.

2. The first payroll direct deposit. It was like magic and felt like so.much.money.

3. Disassembling my bed to load it in the U-Haul as I moved to Atlanta, then saying, "Wait. I can't do this. I need my bed to stay in Indiana." Because, as much as I wanted to be, I wasn't ready to not have a bed at my parents' house. And that's OK. I might not ever be really ready for that. 

4. Rushing around Pier 1 with my mom to buy things to, in her words, "cuteify" my first apartment. 

5. Coming back to Atlanta from a wedding in Birmingham to find that my parents had finished setting up my new apartment for me. Somehow, they made it feel like home while I was away. 

6. The first time I drove somewhere without getting lost (or a GPS). This city is big and crazy, but I found a grocery store and dry cleaner and, heck, even made a bucket list. 

7. Learning how to keep something alive. For some people this is a child and others it is a puppy. For me? It is plants. It might not seem important to those with children and animals, but, to me, it meant something.

8. Making new friends and realizing how much we needed one another. There's something about being alone in a new city that can bind you together. It's like being away at college for the first time - there is a beautiful, productive neediness about it. Also: crying with them for the first time. It got real, real quick. 

9. Having my family visit and showing them my favorite places and realizing I had become a local.

10.  Coming home from a few really, really bad dates and calling my friends from home and giving them the download: yes, he called me Britney. Yes, he wanted to take tequila shots. Yes, he drove me by his ex's house. And being so, eternally grateful that you have them on the other end of the phone to spare you from post-date loneliness. 

11. The feeling of a really good first date: when you catch one another's eye and your stomach flips and you know there will be a second.

12. Visiting friends in their new cities and getting to see the life they are building. Being so proud of them and their bravery.

13. Weddings that were basically reunions.

14. Buying my new car. Kind of wanting to puke when I signed that dotted line, but also feeling so proud. 

15. Making coffee for the first time. It just felt so grown up. Heck, yes, I filtered this stuff!

16. Finding a good church community. It's amazing what kind of loneliness it can alleviate. 

17. Buying my very first Christmas tree. It was so sparkly and happy! 

18. Learning to use bleach, wash wood floors and all of the other house hacks you can only discover by doing. 

19. Budgeting for the first time and being overcome with the feeling of: I actually saved money! It actually worked!

20. Coming back from a trip and realizing for the first time that Atlanta felt like home.

{on leaving yourself an out}

photo via influence network member content

Whenever I find myself in bumper-to-bumper traffic in Atlanta, I hear my Drivers’ Ed instructor’s voice saying: always leave enough space to get out of difficult situations when driving. Always give yourself an out. 

Yesterday as I was sitting on Piedmont Road, too close to the car in front of me to change lanes and wishing I’d left just a little more space, I started thinking about how sometimes, we leave ourselves a way out in real life. We don’t go all in,because it’s easier to rationalize failing when we know we didn’t try our best. 

In high school, I ran for class president and I remember telling my mom the morning of the race: I honestly don’t even want it. I’m just running because I said I would. And she told me she thought that I did want it, but maybe it felt scary to admit how badly I wanted it, in case I didn’t win. 

photo via influence network member content

She was right.

And I find myself doing it still. I refuse to admit how badly I want a certain job. Or how excited I am about a project at work. I am afraid to admit the hopes I have for my future marriage and family. There’s a looming fear of failing that keeps me quiet.

Why? 

I think we often do it because, unfortunately life isn’t perfect and sometimes things don’t come to fruition. Bad breakups keep us from sharing excitement about new relationships. Jobs we don’t get make us feel ashamed that we ever told anyone we’d made it to the next interview.

image

Or - even scarier - is the time you told someone you wanted to run a marathon and they replied, “you?”. Or when you admitted you wanted to be a chef or doctor or dancer and they laughed. When your dreams received a reaction of couldn’t, shouldn’t or wouldn’t. 

When we are vulnerable and share, we put ourselves at risk for being exposed and receiving feedback – both negative and positive. And to mitigate the risk, we leave ourselves outs along the way.

I didn’t really want it anyway. 
I barely tried.
I don't even like them.

But when we do this, we end up missing out on part of the experience. We take away from the fullness and beauty that comes from going all in. With great risk comes great reward. When you really want it, say it out loud. Let people in. Allow them to give feedback, affirm you and help you grow. You'll be amazed at how much more you can accomplish when you're not working in a silo, but instead in a community. 

image

5 Reasons Why Your 20s Keep Getting Better

Last week I had my four year anniversary at work. The timing made me pause - I've been with my company as long as I was in college. In some ways, it feels like longer and in other ways I can't believe it. Within the next two years, I will have been with my company for more than half of my 20s. Atlanta will be my longest home aside from Zionsville. 

It's weird. 

The anniversary got me thinking about where I was when I began here - young, recently out of college, brand new to Atlanta and in a different relationship. My brothers didn't live here and I hadn't met most of my Atlanta friends. I couldn't have imagined all the changes I'd experience while inside the walls of Corporate America. It's amazing how many major elements can shift in just a few short years. 

{March 2011. Almost feels like yesterday. Don't mind the Bud Light (see #2)}

Something I struggle with a lot when reflecting like this is: is this specific to me? Or do a lot of people feel this way? I never want to make generalizations that could end up being shaming or isolating to people if they disagree with me.

But as I've reflected, an idea has been percolating that I can't ignore. It's broad, but after talking with friends, I think it's mostly true:

Your 20s get better.

Whether you are single, in a relationship, kidless, married, with children or anywhere in between, the decade continues to improve. For me, I spent a good chunk where I felt like I was fumbling for anything to make sense - a healthy relationship, direction at work, local friendships - and then, one day, you start to see a little bit of light. And before you know it, you're out of the woods.

photo via influence network member content

I don't mean to say that you suddenly have total direction at work or a perfect relationship. But, what I've seen grow in both my life and those around me, is that you become more sure of who you are and what you want, and that makes life easier to navigate. You stop swirling just a lot bit and begin to relax.

I want to be clear here: this does not mean you won't still have hard times or feel sad. It doesn't mean that things are suddenly perfect. I still get caught in the comparison trap and find myself running, running. I still have pain and sadness and loneliness. Things like that don't go away. But, I'm better equipped to handle them now than I was at 22.

Why? For me there have been a few things that have naturally changed during the last few years, and I've seen those around me experience them, too: 

1. You become more sure of who you are. 

You've had enough time in your post college skin to figure some things out. You have a better idea of what you stand for and where you want to go. Do I have it all figured out? Heck no! But I know what fires me up, what irks me and where I want to invest my time. I know what my faith is and why it is important to me. And this clarity guides you and carries you when things get hard.

photo via influence network member content

2. You are healthier. 

First of all, you drink a lot less alcohol. If you told 22-year-old Whitney how little alcohol 28-year-old Whitney consumes, I would have thought the only way this would be true is if (1) I had a baby or (2) I had no fun. But I'm still baby-less and I'm still having fun. Social outings just change and become less about drinking and more about connecting. Also, you value the tiny two days you have sandwiched between Friday and Sunday and there is no way those will be compromised by a hangover. 

And, you generally have a lot more respect for your body - I want to fill it with the right things and give it rest because it is a precious temple and input so clearly impacts output. Bring on the kale, baby!

3. You learn to navigate pain. 

By the latter half of your 20s, you realize you can't avoid heartache, pain and disappointment. Life can be hard and pain feels less like a bouncy ball and more like gum on a wall - it sticks a little bit. But, with that stickiness comes resiliency. You can navigate it better because you know who you are, you've dealt with pain before and you refuse to let it break you.

{Summer 2011: Don't mind the excessive tan. See #2, again}

4. You are more socially responsible. 

Maybe you don't text and drive anymore or maybe you volunteer. Maybe you go to church or care about politics. On the whole, you give more time to doing good and less time to being selfish. And that not only feels good, but also teaches you a lot about yourself.

5. You have better relationships. 

As you get older, you save a lot less space in your life for drama - mean girls, guys who can't commit, flaky people - and give that room to people who care. Your circle shrinks in number, but grows in connection.

We don't all experience these things at the same time. I am sure there are 22-year-olds out there laughing, because they got their you-know-what together a whole lot faster than me. And if you're the opposite, and you are wondering why some of these just aren't falling into place for you: keep going. Invest in yourself. Invest in the things that help you grow and get rid of the things that are holding you back. Don't settle for uncertainty and aching. 

I still have a lot to learn, but, if there is one thing I know today, it's that you never regret not settling. Wait for what is better. Wait for what is true. Take your time. Fight the comparison trap. And remember that it's worth the wait.

WIAW: AKA Why I'm Not a Food Blogger

What I Ate Wednesday (WIAW) - yes, you read that right! This ain't no food blog, but this week I'm letting you into the wild world of my pantry, which will reveal:
1) How much I love snackies
and
2) Why I'm not a food blogger

I recently heard that the average American has more than $200 worth of food in the pantry at any given time. $200? That's my entire monthly meal budget! I decided to do a little social experiment - how long can I last without going to the grocery?

The goal is simple: clean out my fridge, freezer and pantry. 

Each day I last is worth $6, because that's about how much I spend on groceries each week. I haven't been to the grocery for two weeks since I was out of town, except to buy celery, eggs and kale. I figured this was the perfect time to dig into my reserves (looking at you frozen broccoli) to see what I could come up with.

There are some caveats:

1. I don't want this to be misconstrued as a weight loss challenge, so if I get to the point where I have a little food left but can't make enough for the day, the challenge is over. :) 

2. The huge stash of Perfect Bars that I bought on Black Friday is off limits. I want to make those babies last as long as possible for days when I don't have time to make breakfast. 

I was raised in a house with five kids and a revolving door. 

My parents never knew who would be in our house, which meant a packed pantry and tons of leftovers. Building a hearty pantry is in my nature! But: no excuses. It's time to eat like a champion.

So far, I'm three days in to the challenge and things are getting interesting.

I've got a stockpile of oats right now, so my days are starting with: Rolled oats with cinnamon, chia seeds, almonds, peanut butter and frozen berries. Alongside my coffee, of course.

After that I had the Hummusapien's Snickdoodle Smoothie, which I made from slightly freezer burned bananas, dairy-free milk, peanut butter, chia, vanilla and cinnamon. (Forgot to take a pic of it. Told you I'm not a food blogger!)

I'd normally have a morning snack, but with my smoothie I wasn't hungry until lunch.

At lunch I said Hallelujah! for the kale I'd purchased and then topped it with nutritional yeast, quinoa, broccoli, corn, almonds and olive oil. It was amazing.

I discovered celery in my fridge and raisins in my pantry - both of which I'd forgotten. They make an obvious team for my mid-afternoon snack: ants on a log! 

My second afternoon snack was trail mix leftover from my trip to Bloomington last week and a sparkling Dasani (have you had these yet? I love them). 

For dinner, I had eggs and sourdough bread with grass-fed butter, alongside a kale salad. The eggs completely fell apart and reminding me why I'm not normally a WIAW poster.

So, I'm three days in. I'll let you know how long I make it!

And all you WIAW girls out there - keep doing what you're doing! You impress me!