for when you know it needs to be over.

November 18, 2015 Whitney Saxon

I. It was April 2011 when I found myself kneeling on my bedroom floor, sobbing at the computer screen.

I'd stumbled upon a blog post about the telltale signs of when your relationship isn't meant to be. I read every word like a child being spoon fed - one thing at a time, every single piece of it meaningful.

I cried while I read it a second time. Then I sat there, on the plush carpet at the foot of my bed, wondering if I could un-read the things I'd learned. I'd spent 3 years with him. He'd been my first love and my reason to move to Atlanta. I'd felt so certain he was the one for so many years.

But then, everything changed.

He didn't treat me as well. I felt frustrated constantly. I knew he was treating me poorly, but he convinced me to believe I was being too emotional and too demanding. My gut told me I wasn't being too anything at all, but he was so convincing.

I spent a lot of Friday nights alone.

Even though I had a serious boyfriend. I was so new to Atlanta and didn't have that many friends yet. He had a lot of guy nights and requested a lot of alone time. My apartment was constantly clean and everything was alphabetized and organized. I had a lot of time on my hands.

I found myself on the phone with Progressive one Friday night when I called to change my insurance. I was 24, drinking a glass of wine and talking to Flo. The woman asked me why I was home alone on a Friday night when I'd just moved to a new city. I told her I didn't know why.

II. It was May when it was over.

In retrospect, I don't know why I was so shocked. But every part of me was. I felt confused and devastated in my whole body. I think my toes even hurt. I remember wondering if I'd ever laugh again. Wondering how I'd missed the signs.

I watched Oprah's finale episode with my friend Katie. We ate sushi and I cried. Not about Oprah, though I was sad to see her go. One of Oprah's final words of wisdom was that sometimes God will knock on your door gently when He wants you to make a change. Oprah said He'd knock a little louder and louder each time if you failed to hear Him. Eventually, she said, He'd knock your door down.

I think your door just got knocked down, Katie told me.

I cried a lot during those first few weeks. When a friend picked me up at the airport, I cried that it wasn't him. When I went on a first date, I cried the whole way there. When I drank wine, I cried. I cried for what we were and were not.

III. It was October when I started to feel normal again.

I thank God every day for the new friends He brought me and the way He taught me to love Atlanta on my own. I will never forget the first time I laughed and it didn't hurt at all. And the first time I kissed someone else and kind of liked it. I'll never forget dancing with Prince Eric on Halloween, realizing that new beginnings are fun and exciting.

I gripped our relationship with white knuckles because I was so certain that even though things didn't feel so great anymore, I still wanted it. I clung to who we once were and ignored who we'd become. I made excuses for the way he treated me {"he's stressed at work"}. I let fear be my guiding light instead of Truth. I was so afraid of starting over at 24.

I was so worried I wouldn't get the husband, babies and house I'd always dreamed of if I had to begin again.

But if fear is our compass and our reason to stay, it's no reason at all. There is a better plan than you can fathom, if you make room for it. There is beauty in a new beginning and hope in even the most painful of endings. There is more peace in opening up our palms and letting go than we'll ever find in holding on to what's already breaking our hearts and slipping through our fingertips.

IV. It was October 2013 when I realized there was someone out there waiting for me all along.

From the moment I met Chris, I realized I'd been missing something in my dating life. Not because I thought he was the one right off the bat, but because when you find someone that treats you how you're meant to be treated and is sensitive to your needs, you realize there is no room in your life for anything but that.

And that's where love is. It's in the freedom of knowing you can be who you are, be vulnerable with how you feel, and find consistency each day. And if there is one thing the world needs more of, it's love.

XO.

top 10 tips for getting stuff done

November 11, 2015 Whitney Saxon

This fall, I can comfortably say I have bitten off a bit more than I can chew. Have you ever played chubby bunny? That's sort of how I feel when I say I've bitten off more than I can chew.

I've been working part time for Fresh Harvest, am trying to fully launch my coaching business as I finish up my certification, started LEAD Atlanta, am wedding planning and also am still working at my job. {spoiler alert: now you see why I've been drinking too much coffee and didn't blog for weeks on end!}

I tell you this not to complain. I am grateful beyond words for each of these opportunities and feel so alive, excited and passionate about life as I dive into them. These are things I have been praying and yearning for during the last few months and years. I am overcome with joy for what this season looks like.

But, pretty much every day I've been hitting the ground running. From when I wake up at 5:45 to crash into bed around 10:30, my brain is churning and my list making is out of control. As I attempt to maximize every day, I've found certain things have helped me enhance productivity. Here are my top tips:

1. At the end of each day, make your to do list for the next day.

It will help you get things out of your head and on to paper, as well as set you up to be successful right when you begin the next day.

I love using the Day Designer's free printable to make mine. My favorite part is that it helps me identify my top three goals for the day and also reminds me to write down a daily gratitude.

2. Protect chunks of time each day.

Schedule calls and meetings in blocks and protect back-to-back hours of time to create more room to knock projects out. Nothing interferes with me diving into a project full throttle than having a meeting in 20 minutes hanging over my head.

3. Take a break every 90 minutes.

Give your brain the chance to reset. Grab water, do some push ups or step outside. Do anything you can to give your eyes the chance to move away from technology and your brain the chance to rest. Then, begin again!

4. Keep a tidy work space.

A decluttered work area = a decluttered brain = more productivity. Math y'all!

5. Check off the little things.

I kid you not, the first things I check off when I get to my desk are: wake up, quiet time, workout, get ready. I do them every day, but I write them down and check them off every day.

Why? It instantly creates a sense of accomplishment and encourages more productivity by releasing Dopamine.

6. Don't be a slave to your inbox.

Reply in a timely manner, yes. But don't reply to every email instantly. It's a distraction and, sometimes, if you wait a few minutes, requests will be resolved by the time you get to your inbox. Try turning off Outlook's popup to avoid the temptation.

7. Know when you shine.

The morning is the best time for me to get things done - especially those involving creativity. Trying to get me to write between 3 and 5 p.m. is like trying to get a cow to produce vegan milk. Pretty much impossible. I try to do creative or brain-heavy activities first, then handle more administrative work in the afternoon.

Know when you're at your best for the work you're trying to do and give yourself grace during non-peak hours to do other things.

8. Stop multitasking.

First of all, it's not real. Multitasking is actually impossible for us. Second of all, it slows us down. Focus on one thing at a time, then check it off that list, baby.

9. Use the internet to your advantage.

There are so many amazing tools to help us be more productive. I love Chrome's free Day Board. When I open a new tab, I can see my five more important tasks for the day, which is a lovely reminder when I'm opening a tab to say, shop.

10. Get rest.

Lots of it. Give up those 45 minutes of late night work to get sleep and I guarantee you'll make them up with how much more efficient you are the next day.

Happy doing!

my detox // back to the basics

November 9, 2015 Whitney Saxon

During the last few weeks, I unintentionally started three little detoxes that had one major effect.

First, I took the stats off my blog. I know. I know. Numbers tell a story and it's important to know what readers want. I agree and I'm sure I'll add them back someday. But, for the last five years, I've checked my blog stats at least once (sometimes hourly) every weekday. Those numbers - your approval - are addicting.

But, the truth is, while the numbers might tell a story, I think my heart tells a better one. So if I am yearning to talk to you about body image and dating, but my stats are telling me to blog a recipe, I want to trust my gut and hope that someone out there could use the heart post instead.

Second, I took a break from Instagram. I wanted to stop the mindless scrolling, the constant comparison and the inevitable jealousy it makes me feel. When I'm in bed on a Friday night and everyone else is out, or when other bloggers have a gajillion followers, or other girls have the skinniest legs ever. Those are all things that are great for other people and I know this to be true. But when I'm cruising on Instagram in my bed, my mind wanders - wondering why I don't have plans, more followers and skinnier legs. That's not good for me one bit.

{disclaimer: I did look at a few pictures of my new baby niece, Posie. And it was worth it! But I didn't scroll :)}

Third, and most drastically, I took a week off from coffee. Guys. I was drinking it too much. I had moved past my one cup a day habits and was moving into the two-to-three zone. And, I drink it so slowly that I'd still be drinking it by lunch, which meant my water consumption wasn't up to my standards.

Three little lifestyle changes that equalled one big impact. All three of those habits are serotonin-releasing. And, all at once, I cut them off. The hardest part was day three of the coffee detox; I felt like I was on the verge of tears all day. Caffeine is real!

What I've learned over the last few weeks is this:

Real world love, conversation and connection are better than any like you get on social media. Do we all know this? Yes. But it's easy to forget when you get a bunch of likes on one photo or a slew of new followers.
Connecting with people about what's on your heart is way more powerful than connecting with them about what is pinnable.
Coffee is still really great. But I remember, once, when I was in elementary school, someone told me Carmex was addictive, so I immediately told my sister I needed to stop using it, because I never wanted to be addicted to anything. I still feel that way. And, if anything begins to control us or we can't break free from it (i.e. a headache without caffeine or checking Instagram on the way to the bathroom ---> guilty!), then we might be a little addicted. And I don't want to have addictions, whether it be Carmex or coffee need not matter.

So, that's what my accidental serotonin-detox taught me. Now, I'm going to go get one, reasonably sized cup of coffee. Happy Monday!

what is manliness?

November 5, 2015 Whitney Saxon

Hello ole blog readers! I apologize for going dark as of late. When I transferred my blog to SquareSpace a lot went wrong (feel free to email me if you're thinking of doing so) and I've been spending all my spare blog time on getting things fixed. It feels amazing to be back. Hello :) Without further ado, a new, long overdue, post for you!

When I first started dating Chris, I feared he was too kind for me to stay interested. He planned dates ahead of time, called when he said he was going to call and put my needs first. He surprised me with coffees and little gifts and special date nights.

Oh, the crimes!

I’d spent years dating guys who taught me that these kind of habits – the patterns of a male in pursuit of a wife – were unusual and boring. I had been taught to believe they meant he was predictable. I had been seasoned to be a game player and the lack of guessing left me questioning if he could be a fit.

I remember I tried to articulate what I was feeling and said that I didn’t know if he was “manly” enough. What I was trying to say is that the men I’ve dated prior to Chris didn’t treat me this well and, therefore, his patterns felt unusual and unlike any other man. But, my brain wasn’t ready to process the differences. His kindness and gentleness felt foreign and odd. He, being a true gentleman, confused me.

I’ve hesitated to write this post for a while because I know that all men are different. Some give gifts and plan surprises, others love with their words. Others love with quality time. I know there are a number of ways for men to love women well.

But, I think there’s an important distinction to be made. I see women all throughout their 20s who are running from men who treat them well. They’re wrapping up their own discomfort by stating that these men aren’t manly.

I know some manly men who are rugged and drive trucks and drink beer. And I know some manly men who iron their shirts and bake. It doesn't matter which end of the spectrum a man falls on for him to be manly - it's about a guy knowing who he is, being confident in it and treating a woman well.

To all my friends struggling with finding that balance, let me assure you:
Not calling when you say you will is not manly
Being gamey and intentionally keeping a girl guessing is not manly
Ignoring texts for hours to maintain control is not manly
Refusing to commit to you is not manly

And!
When he shows up on time with flowers and compliments you. That is manly!
When he makes a reservation and opens your car door? That’s manly!
When he listens when you speak and remembers what you say? Manly, my friends.

There is an epidemic, I think, with our generation. We are afraid to let these boys turn into gentlemen. We make excuses when they don’t text (maybe he didn’t get it! He’s really busy). Or get bored when they pursue us (he’s just so available it’s kind of overwhelming).

We run away from the manliest of men and wrap it up as the opposite – that he's not manly enough. But, in fact, those are the most manly of all; they are those who are confident in who they are, what they want, and how to get it.

I get it. Some women just aren't attracted to men who care about their shoes or drink red wine. That's fine. But, I wish I could go back in time and tell myself at 27, as I was overwhelmed by Chris kindly bringing me medicine when I was sick and dinner when I was stressed: enjoy it. His kind heart is what makes him who he is. And being who he is and treating you well is the manliest thing he could ever do.