When Bad News Finds You at Ikea (&anywhere)

October 26, 2016 Whitney Saxon

I'm so bad at Ikea.

I always tell my mom I blame her for the fact that mega stores overwhelm me, because she never took us into them when we were little (side note: who would take five children under 10 to a department store?).

Nothing makes me shut down like a department store. Some girls wait for the Nordstrom semiannual sale. I hide from it.

A few weeks ago, I went to Ikea (for the fourth time in my life) to buy:
- 60 glass cups
- 60 cloth napkins
- 6 glass pitchers
- A 4-foot tall glass vase

That was the list. How did I begin my journey? With a yellow bag. Not a cart. A bag! Halfway through the trip, when I was in the very depths of the store with no cart in sight, I realized I'd made a mistake.

As I loaded the last of the 60 cups into my yellow bag (I can't even), I got a call from Chris that I'd been waiting for all day. We were awaiting news that would determine a big part of the next year for us. I squatted slowly, lowering all of the glass in my bag to the ground, while carefully raising the phone to my ear, knowing he'd only have a minute between meetings to update me.

As I squatted there in the store, I thought: This is how it happens. News - good and bad - can find us anywhere. In any moment, everything can change. This is being an adult.

Our parents can't shield us from it anymore - they can't wait until the big test is over to tell us something heartbreaking. They can't protect us with a little good and a little bad, softening the blow. They can't give us a present to make bad news seem a little less painful.

I've learned that being an adult means a lot of things, but, on the floor at Ikea, I learned that being an adult means taking the news - good and bad - in stride. It means taking a deep breath, gathering the people that love you, and beginning again. It means linking arms with one another - believing that we're in it together. And it means we must, must believe that we weren't made to go it alone.

On Savoring Right Now

October 24, 2016 Whitney Saxon

Often after dinner, Chris and I go for a walk. It's one of our favorite nightly routines - slowing us down a little more, helping us digest the inevitable post-meal fullness. A few nights ago, we walked into our cozy home and the smell of dinner poured out the front door. As I looked around the living room, the evening light dancing across our couch and the small, simplicity of our place making me smile, Chris took the words out of my mouth:

I'm going to miss this, he said. Someday, when we don't live in a place this small and life isn't quite as slow, I'm going to miss the way the whole house smelled like whatever we cooked and everything felt simple.

I understood exactly what he meant. It's funny how you can sometimes feel nostalgic for something even before it is gone. How a period in time can present itself and you know - almost instantly - that it won't last forever.

We don't know how long we'll live in this place. We don't know when we will start a family or when job changes could make life more hectic. There was once a time when a little bit of stillness felt like a far cry for us as a couple - a time when we were constantly sending each other calendar invites and asking did you see my email about this and that?

This season will likely be finite and I'm learning to drink every last drop of it, wishing I could bottle it up for later.

I want to remember the way the lights in our rental are so dim that, at night, it always feels like mood lighting.
I want to remember the way the sun dances across the wood floors in the morning, pouring into the dining room while I write and Chris works, Housefires playing in the background.
I want to remember the sound of kids running to the bus on our wide street in the morning, moms trailing behind with coffee and backpacks.
I want to remember slow Saturday mornings, when we drink coffee on the deck and make grocery lists and a game plan for the day.
I want to remember laughing each night about our highs, lows and failures - how connected we feel and how easy conversation is.
I want to remember quiet whirring of our bedroom fan while we lay there at night, unwinding from the day.

I'm reminding myself of this on the days when I feel eager to get to the next season. On the days when my ovaries are barking and the thought of mowing the lawn and painting bedrooms that we own sounds like a dream. On the days when a new adventure is tempting me to feel bored or unsettled.

I'm reminding myself to embrace the stillness and savor the simplicity of this season. To find joy in the littlest of things and to soak up every bit of it.

Social Media Detox

October 21, 2016 Whitney Saxon

From time to time, I detox from things. Caffeine and social media being the primary contenders. Caffeine being the more difficult of the two by far. Target, online shopping and alcohol all made appearances in my early 20s, too.

When I was younger, I remember telling my sister I never wanted to use Carmex, because I'd heard you could get addicted to it. And, if I were addicted and it got discontinued, I'd be in trouble because I'd rely on it.

So young. So wise.

Kidding. More like so young, already wrestling with anxiety and the need to be in control.

Recently, I've taken a few weekends to do social media detoxes. I get frustrated by the way a tiny screen and even tinier heart can take over my day and spread their ink across the pages of my life - seeping into my relationships, focus and self worth.

A few weeks ago, Chris and I heard Mike Foster speak at Plywood People in Atlanta. He was incredible and his story moved us both in different ways.

Something he said that really stuck with me was that we're all in a hurry to matter.

It hit home for me as I wrapped up my detox, realizing that social media does just that. It gives us a false sense of what really matters. It allows us to believe that influence over followers is more important than influence and connection with the people right in front of us. It allows us to believe that how much we matter online is tied to how much we matter as humans.

This is dangerous. If our worth is tied up in anything external, it can be quickly taken away, leaving us wondering why we don't matter as much as we thought we did. Leaving us wondering who we are and what we're worth.

After two full detoxes, here are a few takeaways:

1. I am addicted to input

Once I took away the input of social media, I found myself trying to fill it with texts, email, podcasts and music. I realized how little space I reserve for silence, stillness.

2. I don't love my phone that much

Once social media was gone, it sort of felt like a hassle. Once I settled into the sanctity of silence, I realized I didn't want to check my phone as much. It felt more like a burden than play.

3. It's frustrating when you're not checking your phone and someone else is

I found myself wanting to say "no worries, I'll wait" a lot more when people would check texts while also listening to me. It's amazing how, a habit that I was employing 48 hours earlier became frustrating the minute I stopped.

4. I am more at ease without social media

I felt more focused on conversion, more relaxed and more balanced in general when I didn't have my phone with me all the time. I felt less anxious, too.

But!

5. I missed my friends

I noticed that, since we all document our lives online, we don't feel the need to update each other as much as we once did. Normally, I know what my long distance friends are doing on the weekends, because they're posting about it and sending me Snaps. I could have easily texted them to ask, but, I noticed we all assume we're caught up on each other's online lives. It gives us a sense of being in touch.

6. The cool stuff we do still counts, even when we don't post it online

Did you really even go on a date if you don't share it online? Do all the cool things we do still count if nobody knows about them?

Yes.

But, it's easy to forget that when we constantly showcase our every move on the internet. It felt sort of refreshing to go on a date and not take a photo. But, I also missed sharing it, because I tend to love the likes.

Will I quit social media forever?

Nah, not right now. But, the detoxes reminded me to seek balance with it and remember that the real world is typically more exciting than the online world, if we open up our eyes to see it. Less is more when it comes to daily input and I don't think we ever regret simplifying.

PS: If you haven't already, I highly recommend unroll.me to mass unsubscribe from emails. It's amazing! For a while, it stopped working, but it's BACK!

New Series! First Guest: Robyn Coale

October 19, 2016 Whitney Saxon

One of the greatest struggles in my 20s was feeling like everyone had everything figured out and I was 1,000 steps behind. I felt like things just fell into place for other people - from friends to bloggers to authors - I allowed myself to believe that magic wands were landing on their heads and poof! life was perfect and their dreams were coming true.

As I've gotten older, I've learned that this is not true. Those people are working hard. They have good ideas and grit and are making things happen. It ain't magic, it's hard work.

One of my greatest blog passions is pulling back the curtain a bit for other people to see that part of my life. I want to be honest about what's working, what's not working, what's easy, what's hard, etc. I believe one of the greatest gifts we can give other people is that honesty.

I want people to know that quitting your job is super hard, but, so far, totally worth it.
Taking a break from dating felt impossible, but it changed my heart and led me to Chris.
I am trying to create something, but it isn't happening over night. It's taking time and discipline that sometimes feels like more than I have.

This world allows us to believe that things are meant to be quick and easy, as if our dreams are cartons of Easy Mac. We hear overnight success stories and get frustrated when we have to stand in line for our dreams, hustling and bustling. We're all looking for a microwave, but, in reality, it's all about the slow cooker. It takes time.

With that in mind, I'm starting a new series today, featuring 20-something entrepreneurs. With each one, I'll share advice from some of the 20-something women around me, who are doing amazing, inspiring things and are working their tails off to make it happen. There are no microwaves here, my friends.

The first guest is my dear friend Robyn Coale, who I met almost five (!) years ago. We became fast friends and she amazes me as she balances grad school at Columbia, a nursing job, running Nutshell Nutrition and her blog. Her wisdom and insight are awesome and I'm so grateful she snuck in a little time to answer these questions.

Let's start with an easy one. What is your morning routine? How do you get the day going? Do you snooze? Do you drink coffee?

Ohhhh how I crave a daily routine that's consistent M-F. One day maybe! With being a full time nurse practitioner student, working part time as a private practice RD and also being in the hospital 20 hours a week, no day looks the same. BUT most mornings begin the same way even if they don't begin at the same time.

Typically, I'm awake between 6 and 7 a.m. But if I'm up late studying or have a late night at clinical where I'm not home till after midnight, I'll sleep in until 7:30 or 8 a.m. I always try to get seven hours of sleep or I get unpleasant :) I always snooze at least once, maybe twice but I'm really trying to stop. Because why snooze when you can actually sleep an extra 20 minutes instead? HA.

Do I drink coffee? I'm sipping a cup within 3 minutes of waking.....and try to stop at 3-4 cups, but until I graduate in December, I have bigger probs than a excessive java habit.

Right when I wake up I brush my teeth, I don't do anything until I do and then I pour a cup of coffee and read my bible for 20-30 minutes (love She Reads Truth!) and then I go to the bathroom (TMI?) and if it's a work-from-home day, I either settle into studying or answering email depending on what's more urgent at the moment.

If it's an early clinical day or class day, then I get ready, make breakfast and head out the door. If it's a later clinical day where I work 11 a.m. to 11 p.m., I workout in the morning after coffee + bible time and then get ready and get out the door. Are you still with me?

You write a lot about eating more, not less. It seems like you have it all together when it comes to body image. Has it always been that way?

HA! I totally don't have it together and there are days when I fight crappy body image.

Compared to back in college and my early 20s those days are few and far between, but I'm totally human and still have those days. They suck, I know. Back in my sorority days, I was obsessed with my body and how it looked because I was disgustingly prideful and wanted the best body. Sad, I know. So it was like I knew I looked good (helloooo narcicism) but I was also never satisfied, so it was suffocating.

Then I gained 10 pounds unexpectedly and I went through a period of bad body image with lots of shame before I surfaced on the other side healthier and happier all around. It was a long process though, filled with lots of humility, vulnerability and fierce grace. Jesus has done a huge work on my heart, but in the world we live in, I fight every day to continually saturate my mind + heart + soul in positive affirmations and reminders that my identity is not in my pant size and a purposeful life cannot be cultivated in the presence of egocentrism.

Now that you're in the latter half of your 20s (!), if you could, what would you tell yourself at 22? What do you wish you'd known?

Be present. Stop worrying about things that don't matter. Don't fear disappointing people. These years have FLOWN by and I know the next several years too. I want to look back and know I squeezed every moment, both mundane and glittery, out of these years. Only in the last couple years have I learned to live more freely and not in fear of disappointing others because I can't be everything to everyone. I'm not that important. Brené Brown talks about disappointment versus resentment, and I'd rather disappoint others than resent them because I didn't protect my yeses.

What was the most influential book you read in your 20s (so far)?

Anything by Jennie Allen and Wild and Free by Jess Connolly (sorry, that's two but they are both transformative!)

What's the biggest misconception people may have about you from reading your blog?

That I have it all together. I get emails regularly asking, "how do you do it all??" and I'm like...I don't! If you were a fly on the wall you'd see me rushing out the door, forgetting I had a friend date on the calendar, barely making a school deadline, sometimes sleepless nights, frustration tears, insecure moments, making mistakes in school and in clinical and so much more messiness.

But instead of feeling shame and guilt because of my imperfections, I feel like I'm now learning to be gentler and more compassionate with myself, locking eyes with Jesus and being okay sitting and actually finding joy in the mess.

For so many of us, our 20s can be one big comparison trap. How do you keep yourself from constant comparison? The internet makes it so hard!

For me, I've had to recognize and accept that everyone is created uniquely and everyone has a story. My parents divorced when I was 6 and my dad has been absent from my life for almost two decades (too real, too fast?) but that's part of my story. Can I grieve it? Yes. But do I have a hope that redemption is coming? YES.

That's just an example, but I think acceptance and gratitude - with your job, finances, body, relationship status, talents or whatever - brings immense freedom and contentment so we can grow, but we don't have to exhaustively strive out of feelings of shame or incompetency.

What do you consider play? And! What are your creative outlets?

Baking. I love turning on the oven, stirring together a recipe and tasting it hot out of the oven. So I bake a couple times a week.

I'm not someone who gravitates towards drawing or painting or crafting, but I love to dream with people. Nothing fires me up more than dreaming with a friend (looking at you Whit!) something totally wild and exciting. It's taken me a while to learn, but play for me is early, slow mornings, hosting dinner parties with friends, strolling through the city agenda-less with my fiancé and being outside in fresh air -- hiking, walks in the park, biking or whatever -- I just need breeze!