On Learning to Trust Your Gut

Last week, I mentioned a lesson from my 20s was learning to trust my body. The lesson my 30s is teaching me is learning to trust my gut. 

You know that feeling when you're about to send an email, but you feel like you should wait a few minutes?

Or when you get invited to something and ev.er.y part of you is telling you not to commit, but you say yes anyway?

Or when someone asks you to collaborate, sit on a committee, promote their brand, host their event, etc. and a quiet little voice is saying: ask to sleep on it! But instead you say, of course! before even taking a breath?  

That little voice is your gut.

It's strong and powerful. But I've noticed that we, as women, often don't listen to our guts. We trust our moms, sisters, husbands, boyfriends, friends - heck maybe even a cashier - before we trust our guts. We run our decisions up and down our safety lines, assuming everyone around us can provide greater insight into our situations than we could garner on our own. 

But you know what? Most of the time, we already know what to do. If we get really quiet, we know how to proceed.

This summer, the pastor at our church talked about decision fatigue in society. We're making hundreds of decisions each day - the internet creating more access, which means more choices. With these choices, our minds are overwhelmed and we're losing the ability to make quick decisions. 

In Kenya, Chris and I both noticed that we actually recovered from decision fatigue. We had no social invitations, very little discretion around our daily schedules or eating habits, no TV to watch and nothing to purchase. Each day, we woke up, went to work, worked out, made dinner and got in bed to read one of the three books we'd brought. We ate the same thing for breakfast and lunch each day.

We were making very few decisions and it created more space for our minds to settle. Our simplified lives allowed us to live a bit more freely, creating space for us to trust our guts when we needed to make decisions. 

During the sermon at church, our pastor talked about how we, as Christians, often say "I'll pray on it" when we don't want to have to make a tough decision. And then, we ask everybody in our lives what to do. He talked about how God has already equipped us to make small decisions. It honors Him when we trust our guts, because He's speaking to us through them. He has already given us the ability to discern what is right when it comes to day-to-day decisions. 

There are a million reasons we don't trust our own instincts. Sometimes, I think it's because women are relational, and inviting people into the decision-making process creates connection with those we love. 

Sometimes, I think we're afraid to have the onus on us. If we get enough opinions, we can convince ourselves we all shared the decision, instead of taking complete responsibility for it. 

At times, we lack the confidence to really go for it. To be brave enough to say, I know what to do! Because those are bold words. 

These days, I'm working on trusting my gut in the big and small decisions. I'm learning to be a little bit bolder and believe that, if I make the wrong choice, it won't be the end of the world, because it creates greater space for grace and self-compassion. 

Here's to hoping this lesson doesn't take me a decade to learn :)

PS: If you want to hear more about this topic, I thought this was a great podcast on it from Jen Hatmaker and Glennon Doyle (scroll to episode 6).

Favorite Target Finds

Confession: there was a period of time when I banned myself from going to Target. I just couldn't go! It was soon after I quit my job, when we were tightening things up, and I realized Target accounted for at least an extra $50 each month, if not more. I mean, how do you get out of that place without burning a quick $25? You go for hand soap and come out with a swim suit, planner and two throw pillows! 

But, my year without an income taught me a bit more restraint and now I can trust myself to walk out with just the soap. OK, and maybe gum. 

I don't mean to take ya down with me, but I thought I'd share a few of my favorite recent Target finds. If you want to save a bit, check out their Cartwheel app for in-store purchases. You can typically save a few dollars.

For online purchases, I use ebates. If you click through ebates to target.com, you'll get a percentage of your purchase back via a check in the mail. 1% doesn't sound like much, but if you buy a lot online, or use it at Christmas, you can earn good money! 

Also, if you want to be tempted to buy everything, all the time, check out @Targetdoesitagain. 

image via The Small Things Blog

• Kristen Ess The One Signature Shampoo - After moving, I had to find a new shampoo, because I've bought mine from Cortex in Atlanta for years. I love this shampoo! It's $10, but feels like high-end salon shampoo. It smells subtly wonderful, is sulfate free and doesn't weigh my hair down. Not convinced? Check out this review. I just ordered the dry shampoo and can't wait to try it!
• These journals - When I was younger, I'd always create stories in lined notebooks, sure I was going to write some romantic fiction novel someday. These sweet journals tap into the 12-year-old author in me, marked chapters one, two and three. I also feel encouraged to free write often. There are three chapters to fill, after all! 
• Spindrift - I'm typically a La Croix girl (not afraid to be basic, here), but the extra 10 calories in Spindrift make all the difference in flavor. It tastes so good! I love the lemon and grapefruit. 
• This marble cheese board - It makes such a great housewarming gift! It looks like Anthropologie's version, but is significantly less expensive. 
• Champion workout shorts - I love, love, love these shorts. My sister discovered them and got me totally hooked. They are super comfy and a great loose fit, without looking diaper-ish :) I want to buy all the colors! They come in black, too!'

Happy shopping!

hello :) friday introductions

Years ago, when blogging first gained traction, it was a whole different game. People basically shared stories from their lives - weekend updates, Friday Introductions, What I Ate Wednesday, etc. Since then, blogging has evolved into big business, with webinars, e-books, affiliate links...

I get it. You can only give away so much free content before you have to find a way to monetize it. But sometimes, I miss the simplicity of those old blog days. I miss knowing what someone ate for breakfast, or that they went to the farmers' market with their husband. Not because it added a ton of value to my life, necessarily, but because it made the blogosphere feel small and friendly and simple. 

I realized recently (thanks to a blog comment!) that there are some new readers out there and, with our move to Virginia, people might be a little confused about what we're up to. I thought I'd do an old school Friday Introduction to say hello.

Here are five things about me:

1. My husband, Chris, and I recently moved to Virginia. My sister, Courtney has lived here for 10+ years, because her husband went to med school here. During that time, my family gradually fell in love with Charlottesville. Last year, Courtney and my parents bought 32 acres of land. My parents moved from Indiana to a house on the property, which they built (next to Court's!). My brother, Duke, who was in Atlanta with me, moved here after finishing his PhD. Basically, it was a great Biber migration. And that, my friends, is how we wound up in Virginia! 

2. I quit my job last August and launched The Letter Project in October. The project just turned one! It has been an incredible year. I'm really (really!) passionate about helping women see their worth, accept their bodies, feel confident and pursue connected lives, as opposed to silently struggling. This blog was an awesome launching pad for TLP and I am super grateful for each of you who have helped me along the way.

3. I got married in May 2016 to the best guy in the world (I think!). His name is Chris and he pops up on this blog a lot. He's super funny and kind and if you were to meet him, I know you'd think he was great. 

4. I eat gluten free because of a long (12-year!) battle with IBS. Other than that, I'm a big fan of intuitive eating and exercising. I share GF recipes sometimes because you can still make good food without it. If I were to eat gluten right now, I'd grab pretzels, goldfish, a fluffy biscuit or a Blue Moon. Basically salty carbs :) 

5. I am a huge Shauna Niequist fan and think there could not be a truer way to say what I hope my online presence represents (via Sarah Tucker): 

“I want to use my voice to bring light and hope and beauty.  I want to search for what’s good and shout about that."

Thank you for reading!

On Learning to Trust Your Body

I spent the majority of my 20s learning to eat and exercise intuitively, largely with the help of a therapist and the book Intuitive Eating. Before reading it, I'd developed rigid food and exercise habits. I followed a routine and rarely asked myself what I'd enjoy eating or doing for exercise each day.

Throughout my 20s, I learned to break free from this lifestyle. I used to run 3 to 5 miles every day, not because it was necessarily what I wanted to do, but because it was what I was "supposed to do." I'd been running that mileage since middle school. I was a runner. How could it not be what I did? It was part of who I was. 

Years later, I see clearly that it was not part of who I was, but instead merely something I did. We are not our outputs.

I still exercise most days, but now I ask myself what I'd enjoy doing. It might be yoga, weight training, spinning, swimming, rock climbing or anything in between. Some days it's running, yes. But through the practice of asking myself what really sounds good on any given day, I've learned that running doesn't always sound as amazing as I once thought it did. 

When I began shifting my exercise model, I had a ton of anxiety. I called my friend, Katie, who used to run with me almost daily (we did middle school and high school cross country together, and ran the Chicago marathon together in college. We'd logged a lot of miles as a duo.). She was ahead of me - she'd switched from running to mostly yoga after college. I told her how worried I was about changing my ways. Was I going to gain weight? Would I lose all my running skills? I liked being someone who could run further and faster than most other people. Would I ever be able to get that back if I missed it? 

She encouraged me to try making the switch, reminding me that I wasn't quitting exercising altogether, but instead trying new things. She also reminded me that my worth as a person was not in being a long distance runner. It wasn't what made me Whitney. It was just something I did. 

Through the process of intuitive exercising, I learned to trust myself more. I learned that my body would tell me if it needed a rest day, or a long bike ride in the sun, as opposed to a heavy lifting day in the gym. I learned that some mornings, an extra hour of sleep is more important than a workout. Or that sharing a cup of coffee with Chris would feed my soul more than a solo run would.

I also learned that my hunger cues would align with my exercise. A hot vinyasa class will leave my starving all day, while an incline walk might not produce quite as much hunger. When I ate within a rigid routine, there was no room to listen to my hunger cues. Now though? If I just ate lunch but am coming up hungry, I know to trust that my body needs a little more food. 

The body is really brilliant. It tells us what it needs, but we often override it with the mind - allowing anxiety, society and routine tell us what we need to do. My journey through intuitive eating taught me that I can trust my body. It was designed to survive and thrive long before the world started telling women how we should eat, look or exercise.

In learning to trust what it tells me, I've found great freedom. I've learned that there is room in my life for both structure and playfulness. Life is always a balance.

I've learned to love exercise again, not because it's what I should do, but because it's a joy and privilege to move my body each day. I've learned that I love carbs and cheese and ice cream, but that my body won't tell me to overdo it. I've learned to love rest days just as much as I love a hard spin class.

Most importantly, I've learned that listening to the anxious voice in my mind, asking me if my day is complete without exercise, won't get me anywhere compared to the way listening to my capable, wise body will.