It feels like a lifetime ago that I told you about my five week sabbatical from dating. And, if I can say this without sounding too dramatic: it has been life changing.
Let me be clear, here. I wasn't fending men off with a baseball bat. I was asked on exactly two dates during the five weeks, during one of which I already had plans and the other of which I explained (verbosely) about my hiatus.
I'm nothing if not smooth, right?
However, regardless of whether or not men sought after my heart during the break, God most certainly did. The five weeks were some of the most transformative I've ever experienced. They were followed by Uganda and together the pair left me wrecked in the best way possible.
Here's what happened:
1. I stopped caring about what I wear.
Sure I still love clothes, but for the first time ever I didn't think twice about wearing something bold for fear of not being asked out. I rocked my Teva's. I wore scrunchies. I ran errands without makeup. HECK the day before Uganda I went to the bank in tevas, no makeup, a scrunchie AND a Lands End fair isle black, teal and purple youth sweatshirt.
Is this extreme? Yes. Am I dressing like a hooligan? No. Well, mostly no. But I am dressing for myself and not with the hope of meeting a guy.
Which leads me to...
2. For the first time in years, I feel so fully like myself.
I have a constant anthem playing in my mind that my husband will love me for me - the honest, full, joke-making version of myself that I once only showed close friends and family.
3. I do things I want and I don't do things I don't want.
Mainly, I don't go places with the hope of meeting my husband. I stopped looking for him at Whole Foods. And it has translated into other areas of my life, too. I don't say yes to plans I have no interest in doing. I learned to say no. Gahlee it only took 27 years.
4. I don't care when I get married.
Are you shocked?
Me too, y'all! But I mean it. Do I still want to get married and have kids? Of course. But I fully trust, without a doubt, that God hasn't forgotten me. He's working on my heart. There might be more work to do before I'm ready. And I'm ok with that. He knows what's good. He knows I want lots of kids and we've got a deal that I'll be given triplets if time starts ticking to quickly.
But seriously, stranger things have happened and I don't need to panic or control things. God has it covered.
Also, I'll just steal my sisters' babies if it comes down to it. They're basically half mine anyway as their aunt.
I'm kidding again. (Less so this time though.)
When I was in Africa, one night after dinner Bob Goff and I were talking and he said:
Whitney, whatever you do, don't settle. Just run as fast as you can toward what you want, and if you find a guy that can keep up, let him run beside you.
So I'm just running. Teva's and all.
5. I now understand that I was idolizing marriage.
Or rather, the next phase of life. That house-buying, being in love, honeymoon taking phase. But now I see that I can't put that phase before God. He is bigger and better than that phase and when the time is right, I'll get there. For now, I just have to pursue a relationship with Him and live the best life I can.
SO. With all of that to be said:
If you're thinking you might be obsessed with dating/finding your husband...
If you're the girl that, every time a friend or coworker mentions "her brother" you have to restrain yourself from not asking immediately:
Is he single!?
If you stalk boys in the grocery store...
If you wake up wondering what you can do TODAY to find your husband...
If every night you pray and tell God come onnn don't you see I'm ready!?
Maybe you want to consider a little break? Or email me! I'm happy to give more detail on my experience.
All I know is that two months ago I was panicked about turning 27 and being single, and today I feel like I'm watching a movie. I'm just going where I want, wearing what I want, and watching God do the rest. With popcorn, of course. Gotta have snacks.
Happy Wednesday friends!