Four Books I've Recently Read

And in January, we hibernate!

This has been our theme this month. We've made time to read, slow down and regroup at the start of the year. By day, we're getting after our goals and preparing for Kenya, but, we've filled our evenings with books, getting in bed early because it's middle-of-the-night-dark at 9:30 p.m. 

We recently got in bed at 9:15 so we could read a little longer and joked as we did that, if it were July, we'd be throwing the frisbee or sitting on the porch, the remnants of daylight hanging in the air. 

Oh, winter! 

Here are four good books I wanted to share with y'all!:

1. Love Warrior: First of all, I liked this book significantly more than Carry On Warrior. I couldn't put it down. It's beautiful and raw and made me super uncomfortable at times. Although there are few things I don't necessarily agree with, I highly recommend it. Anyone who has been in a relationship or has struggled in life (AKA adult humans), should read it. She's honest and has a lot of insight about dealing with pain and the way we, as humans, numb. It felt like therapy each time I read it. 

2. Eleanor & Park: Confession: I am glutton for fiction. It takes discipline for me to read nonfiction. But novels? Yes, please! Murder mysteries? Give them to me! If you follow me on insta, you know that I already declared Eleanor & Park my favorite book of 2017. Too soon to say? Maybe. But mayyyybe not, because this book is a dream.

I'm a sucker for unique, witty writing and this book is full of it (it reads like John Green!). It is such a sweet story; I laughed, I cried, I couldn't wait to finish it, yet was so sad when it was over. I highly recommend it.

3. The Power of a Praying Wife: OK so. This book is a little old school, if you will. For some, it will probably be too conservative regarding gender + marriage roles. I sometimes felt myself cringing at specific portions. However, what I liked about it is that it served as a reminder for me to pray for Chris and taught me how to do it well. It also softened my heart when I was frustrated and reminded me we are a team. I don't agree with everything she has to say, but I felt like it was a productive read. I used it like a devotional and appreciated that it helped me with actionable prayers + specific scripture around day-to-day topics. 

4. Iggie's House: My niece and I read this one together, which I loved because Judy Blume is the bomb and it felt like my childhood. Also, it was interesting to read about race relations in the late 60s, which sometimes feel like they have changed a lot and other times feel like nothing has changed much at all. It is a good read-with-a-kid (& discuss!) book. 

Next up? Reading The Girl on the Train obsessively right now. I'm also working on Boundaries and Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, but, ya know, nonfiction. :) 

20-Something Entrepreneur: Danielle Ivy

This post is part of a series: Slow Cooking, 20-something Entrepreneurs, which I created to shed light on what it's like to start your own business in your 20s. Meet the other beauties here. 

I am so (SO) excited for you to meet this angel of an entrepreneur today: Danielle Ivy!

Danielle did my hair and makeup for our wedding and, first of all, she is super talented and made me feel so beautiful. But, the best part is how generous, kind and patient she is. I hired her to do my hair and makeup, but left my wedding wanting to be her friend. She's a gem! She's also only 22 and runs her own business, which is incredible. I wasn't nearly so wise or sure of my plan to run a business at her age.

I am thrilled to introduce you to sweet Danielle!

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Let's start with an easy one. What is your morning routine? How do you get the day going? Do you snooze? Do you drink coffee?

I get the day going by hitting snooze maybe about 10 times. When I finally decide to drag myself out of bed, the first thing I always try to do is something my church calls the "first 15". This is 5 minutes of prayer, 5 minutes of scripture and 5 minutes of worship! It is super easy to do and a great way to start the day by putting the Lord very first. Most of the time I do this pretty spontaneously. It usually happens like this: I read the One Year Bible while I am still in bed. Then I get in the shower and pray while I am in there. And then I worship while I put make up on and most likely the whole car ride to work.

Oh and don't forget the coffee. I can't function without my coffee. 

You balance a super busy calendar with weddings every weekend. It seems like you have it all together when it comes to knowing what you want to do with your life. Has it always been that way?

I definitely have NOT always known what I was going to do with my life. It is actually comical to me that I am a MUAH artist now because I NEVER, I mean NEVER, wore make up in high school. I flat ironed my hair or wore it in a messy bun to school every day. I went to college thinking I would become a nurse…. and well, God had a WAY different plan for me! 

If you could, what would you go back and tell yourself at 20? What do you wish you'd known? 

My 20th year was probably one of the hardest times of my life. This was when I decided to drop out of Alabama Nursing and go to cosmetology school (I'm sorry, what?! WHO am I!!!). It was not an easy transition and I was so focused on myself and getting my own life worked out that I abandoned the mission I knew the Lord set me out on.

With that being said, I would tell myself to wake up everyday and make a conscious effort to put God's agenda first. I, of course, thought I was doing that by going to cosmetology school. However, God's agenda is to SAVE the LOST and not to save myself. I would constantly remind myself to focus on serving other's needs FIRST and love love love and loveee some more on the girls I went to school with.  

What was the most influential book you've read in your 20s (so far)?

The most influential book I have read so far would be Love Does by Bob Goff. I AM OBSESSED with this book and could type up a storm telling you all about it. However, I will give you my biggest take away: every day, fill your life with your loves, passions, interests and HIM and you'll get His plan for YOU. 

What's the biggest misconception people may have about you from following you on social media?

Hmmm… this one is hard. I would say that the biggest misconception people have from my social media is that my life is perfect. That there is nothing wrong. However, I would make that statement about everyone on social media. People only post the best version of themselves. And that is OK, but we cannot live based on social media. I struggle. A lot. I have hard days. I have days when I do not want to get up or I am grumpy all day. But I have learned to keep on going and pushing through those hard times. 

For so many of us, our 20s can be one big comparison trap. How do you keep yourself from constant comparison? The internet makes it so hard! 

This kind of goes along with the last question. Social media and comparison are death traps for most girls. I don't care what age you are, we all struggle from time to time with comparison. I have learned that I have to limit how much I check all social media. I have learned that if I do not meet with Jesus and remind myself who HE says I am, that I will fall hard into that trap.

To keep myself from it, I do not allow myself to live on Instagram. I am actually currently fasting from all social media for 21 days of prayer. I want to get my heart back right with God, so I can keep my heart and mind in check. I firmly believe that we can control what we think about and how we think. However it takes discipline and it is a hard lesson to learn!

What do you consider play? And! What are your creative outlets?

My creative outlets and what I consider play would probably be the same thing: I love to do calligraphy and paint. Those are the things I do to have fun and relax on my day off. 

Thoughts on Friendship in Your 20s

1.

I have to remind myself regularly that some friendships are for a season. Some of them last decades, while others are just for a few years. This feels impossible for me to grasp most days. I want them all to last forever and ever. I want all of my friends to evolve with me. I want to start as two peas in a pod and end as two jumping beans. Both of us different, but still the same. 

I have to remind myself, regularly, that it's OK if we're changing in different directions. And it's OK if we don't talk as much anymore. I love keeping in touch and knowing everybody is OK and hearing their voices and their laughs. It warms me and fills me. 

But, part of growing up is being brave enough to give one another space. I am learning this. 

2.

In 2012, I was in the depths of singleness. I lived with my friend, Katie, and Melissa and Sally lived next door. A lot of times, I felt so sad about being single I thought I'd break. I felt like I couldn't go on one more day without meeting a guy. I went to a Toms event hoping to meet Blake Mycoskie so he could become my future boyfriend. I bought King of Pops regularly, hoping I could be the Queen of Pops. Everywhere I went was a chance to meet a guy. If it sounds desperate, you're right. I felt completely desperate. 

In retrospect, my desire to be in a relationship completely blinded my ability to see the beauty in the season I was in. We didn't realize how good we had it, with four friends living next door, exploring our 20s and ourselves in a new city. We didn't know how sweet those days were. We had no idea they'd be a teeny, tiny blip on the radar of life, before husbands and babies and home ownership and grad school came along. 

3.

Weddings, new cities, grad school, babies and home ownership did come along. It came quickly and left us standing in its wake, wondering how everything changed so quickly. 

I learned that life narrows a bit as we get older. There is less time to see people and, when you do, you need a little more space than you used to. I find myself aching to go deeper with people, which requires more time. Quality, not quantity, becomes the latter half of your 20s.

4.

Your parties get smaller in your late 20s. They're get togethers now. And, while you stand there with a glass of wine, you joke about the ragers you used to throw, when the neighbors would complain about the music and you'd worry that the deck might fall through. I wonder how Zoe is doing, someone will say. And then someone else will say they saw she was pregnant on Facebook. That's nice, you'll think as you smile at the thought of her playing flip cup on your porch. Should we go to El Bar later? Someone will say with a laugh. And then, by 10 p.m., everyone will be heading home and you'll laugh at the thought of a post-midnight bar cameo. 

5.

You'll take off your makeup and get in bed early, knowing a hangover-free, productive Saturday is ahead. And you'll smile because, even though your life has narrowed, it still feels right. 

Why I Quit Dating

On my 27th birthday, I woke up with a heavy heart. I shuffled around the house, brushing my teeth, making my bed and feeling sorry for myself. I'd had big hopes for the night before - a guy I liked was coming to my party and I was sure it was going to be the start of something for us.

I was wrong. It wasn't. 

As I made my breakfast, I started feeling frustrated. But not with the situation. With myself. I'd spent the night before with 30 of my friends, who were there to celebrate me and fill me with love for the year ahead. Here I was focusing on one dude who didn't give me the attention I'd hoped for. 

I knew, in that moment, I had to take a break from dating. I knew it had become an idol. I knew I was gripping my dreams of marriage and the future so tightly that I was strangling all of the joy out of my life.

I get a lot of emails from people who are wondering how to meet someone. First of all, let me just say: I hear you. Unending singleness can make you ache. It feels lonely. It feels like everyone else is in a club and, no matter how hard you try, you can't swing an invite.

I used to read blogs and mentally catalogue how girls met their husbands:
A blind date? Good!
High school? Ugh. Bad.
Online? Maybe that could work!
A mutual friend? YES YES YES.
Reconnected over Facebook? How does that even happen? Should I poke people? 
The grocery store? Wait! I go there all the time!

I used to tell my roommate, Melissa: If I don't meet a guy TODAY, I am going to lose it! And then, I'd go to bed again, yet another day had passed and I felt like I was the only single girl left in the city.

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I told my sisters all the time: I just want to be someone's Friday night. I want one person to want their weekend to revolve around me. I want to be somebody's first pick for New Year's Eve and automatic wedding date. I just want to be one person's person. 

As I sat there on my 27th birthday, I assessed the situation. According to the life plan I'd mapped out when I was eight years old, I was five years behind when I thought I'd get married and two babies behind schedule. 

OK, I thought. This way of living is not working. I felt an overwhelming peace as I realized I couldn't do anything more to meet my husband. I'd tried everything. My only options left were to try to live my life to the fullest, doing the things that gave me joy. And pray he'd come along.

But I couldn't control this situation; I had to let go. 

So I did.

And, a few months later, I sat in Uganda on one of our last nights there. Everyone had gone to bed, but I was sitting outside after dinner with Bob Goff. He barely knew me - we'd met on the trip and it was a large group. But, as we sat there, he said: Make sure that when a guy comes along who wants to be with you, you don't slow down. If he can keep up with you, let him run alongside you. But keep running and never slow down for someone. 

I let his words soak in as we wrapped up the trip. I realized I'd had the wrong idea all along. Throughout my 20s, I'd been running. And then I'd veer left if I thought I could meet someone. And then I'd run again. Then do a few hurdles. And veer right. Then I'd start again.

I was constantly pivoting, chasing and veering, hoping I'd find the right guy for me.

I felt completely ready to get married long before I did. But, the truth is, I was wrong. I wasn't ready to date Chris a minute before it happened. I needed to wrestle with marriage as an idol. I needed to feel the loneliness, knowing now it has shaped who I am.

I needed to go deep into the valley and sit in the darkness before I could experience all of the beauty the light had to offer.

For those of you who are in the thick of it: does it make it easier to hear my story? Maybe not. But, I hope it helps you believe that you are not the last single person left on Earth. I have been there. It hurts and it's OK to feel sad. You are beautiful and worthy of love. And, even when it feels unendingly lonely: you are never, ever alone. On the good days and the bad days, we are in this world together. 

If you want to learn more, you can read most posts about my break from dating here.