January Recap & February Goals

In high school I used to love Gavin Degraw's Chariot - Stripped album. It was slower and, for lack of a better word, stripped down to the acoustic versions of the songs. 

I'm calling this month January - Stripped. We slowed down a loooot. We are in the midst of making a few big decisions, which, in 2016, felt like they were far in the distance. As we hit 2017, we both realized - whoah - those things aren't so far off anymore. They're out there, gathering on the horizon, just beyond reach, but visible to our eyes. 

And! Now that it is February, we're only two weeks away from our Kenya trip. When we return, it will be mid-March! So, January was January - Stripped because we wanted to savor the slowness of the post-holiday season, letting it last as long as possible. 

We started it off by ringing in the New Year with my brother and his girlfriend, as well as our friends, Jim and Libby. We did an Escape Room, had Farm Burger and played games. It was the perfect way to wrap up 2016. 

We went to a retreat with our church, Grace Midtown. It was in the gorgeous North Georgia mountains and was unexpectedly warm. We were so happy!

Our impromptu picnic :) 

On the way back, we stumbled upon Helen, Georgia, which was where we went to Oktoberfest a few years ago and Chris told me he liked me :) It was so fun to have an unexpected walk down memory lane. 

We also did a call with the team we'll be with in Kenya, which was SO exciting.

We went on a date to Wrecking Bar, aka our second date spot. It's the perfect place to eat in the winter - cozy, with comfort food options, yet everything still tastes fresh.

Apparently we just relived the beginning of our relationship this month!

We went to a birthday party at Urban Tree Cidery. Got coffee at our favorite spot: Brash! We hosted a game night, had friends over for casual dinners, walked the BeltLine and spent a lot of time reading. 

It was a month with a lot of good, but also some challenges. It was my hardest month with The Letter Project, as I try to figure out what works, while also promoting growth. Have you ever heard the expression "trying to fly the plane while building it"? It sort of felt like that, which is invigorating, but has it's challenges. 

With that, I'm checking in on my January goals!

1. Obtain 501c3 status for The Letter Project // This was probably the biggest disappointment of the month. I was told TLP might not qualify for 501c3 status. It isn't the final word yet, but it definitely left me feeling discouraged. But, it also helped me rethink why I wanted nonprofit status and figure out if there are other ways to allow growth without it. So, regrouping on this!  

2. Make a plan for the first six months of the year, which will include goals for The Letter Project, writing, blogging and coaching. Update my website to align with the new goals. // Done :) My goals are set and I loaded them into my Big Monthly Planner (I love this planner!). It feels good to have a vision for the year - even if it will likely change. 

3. Finish one of the books I'm reading. I'm bouncing between Love Warrior, Boundaries and The Art of Memoir. // DONE.

I also just finished Crush It! (good ideas, but not great to read) and am working on An Abundance of Katherines. Eventually, I will get back to Boundaries and The Art of Memoir :) January reminded me that I just looove reading. Thanks for all the book recs, too! I cannot wait to read Fangirl, thanks to all you Rainbow Rowell fans!

4. Plan a trip with Chris for February. // Done!  

5. Do a lot of yoga. Chris' mom got me a package to Core Power and I want to make time to slow down this month and really enjoy it. // Yep! It felt awesome and I can't wait to do a little more this month. 

And now, for February goals! 

1. Finishing preparing for Kenya! Vaccines, packing, Visas, etc. Stay tuned for a post about the weird things we're buying for the trip. Looking at you, fake wedding bands.

2. File our taxes (the thrill! :)) 

3. Finish a freelance project I just picked up

4. Host Galentine's Day and another Write Night!

5. Begin to launch the first official collegiate chapter of The Letter Project (so pumped about this!)

6. Get all of the January letter bundles out before we leave for Kenya

7. Pre-write posts for the three weeks we're in Kenya

8. Figure out what the heck to do about Stu the Bamboo. He's not in a good place, guys. 

So that's what the month will look like. I hope you had an awesome January!

On Life After a Breakup

I.

It's an early morning in February.

It's still dark outside and your bedroom is ice cold. Your alarm is buzzing and you're cozy beneath your comforter, its warmth enveloping you and keeping you safe from zing of the hardwood floors. And then, it hits you: the heaviness. The tightness in your chest. The remembering: he's gone. It's over. Forever. You broke up. 

Mornings are the worst. Mornings mean remembering. Mornings mean wrestling with the cameo he made in your dreams the night before: kissing him, laughing with him, being happy with him. Mornings remind you that you're no longer happy with him or with him at all, in fact.

Because it's over and he's gone. 

You get up. You shuffle around your room. You pull out your clothes and his sweatshirt falls to the ground, as if even your closet knows it's over. Sweatshirt: rejected.

You cry as you pick it up, breathing him in, smelling his shaving cream and soap and him-ness. You sit cross legged on your bedroom floor and pull up his Instagram. You hold your breath, hoping there aren't photos of him with another girl. There aren't. Deep sigh. You scroll back a few weeks and see the picture of the two of you at brunch, so happy with your coffee and eggs and morning glow. What happened to us, you wonder as you torture yourself with more old photos. We were so happy. When did it change? Where did we go wrong? 

These are the questions that haunt you as you go about your day. Your chest is tight and you hold back tears as you sit in meetings. Please don't cry, please don't cry. Someone says your name. They repeat it. What? you ask. And then you nod in agreement with whatever they said, knowing that, if you say anything more, your voice will crack and the tears will come.

You shuffle throughout the day, feeling like you're underwater the entire time, barely hearing or seeing the things around you. You try to eat, but you can't taste. Nothing sounds good. Nothing feels good. Nothing feels right without him. 

Your friends text you to check in. How are you doing? they ask. You want to reply: Terribly. I can't eat. I can't think straight. I think I'm going to get fired. I can't breathe. Can you come get me at work and sit with me while I cry, but not make me talk, unless I want to talk about him? Can you just be a warm body near me so I'm not alone? But instead you reply: I'm OK. Pretty sad, but that's expected. You try to be strong. 

I should have gotten an exit interview, you think as you sit in your next meeting. We should be able to talk through what went wrong, who made mistakes and how we could have done better. Why don't people get relationship exit interviews, you wonder as your coworker draws a diagram on the whiteboard. What is this meeting about? You check the notes in the calendar invite and try to focus.  

But you can't focus. You can only think about him and what you were and what you've become.

You realize how absurd it is that, the person who knew you best - who knew exactly what your expressions meant, exactly what your tone of voice meant, exactly what you'd find funny and what you'd find offensive - is now gone.

The person who knew you best is now the person whom you're unable to contact in any form. This is crazy! you think. And then you get a little mad. 

Mad is good, your mom tells you. Mad means you're processing it. Mad means you're moving beyond just aching and sad and, in fact, are gathering energy behind your emotions. Mad means you're beginning to move on, just a little bit. 

Weeks pass and you vacillate between mad and sad and wanting to text him and annoyed when he texts you to check in. Your clothes are all a little too loose because nothing tastes good. Will food ever taste good again? you find yourself wondering. Will I ever laugh again and really mean it? 

You worry that you'll never feel normal again. You worry you'll never be a good listener again because you're always thinking about him. You feel everything and, yet, feel completely numb.

You just want to feel like yourself again.

II.

It's an early morning in April.

Light is beginning to peek through the dark sky and the birds are singing outside. Your alarm is buzzing and you're a little too warm beneath your heavy comforter. You swing your legs over and step onto the warm, wood floor. And then, it hits you: for the first morning, in a long time, you feel OK. You don't feel like crying. 

You drive to work with the windows down, sipping coffee and singing along to the radio. You get to work and your coworker tells you that you like nice. Your boss comes to your desk and shows you a crazy email she got the night before from one of your clients. You both laugh and, as she walks away, you realize you really meant it when you laughed. Is that the first time I've laughed and meant it? you wonder as you try to think back over the last few weeks. 

You start a new project at work. The day flies by and, as you watch the sunset take color on your drive home, you realize you didn't think about him today. Your friend texts you: How are you holding up? You smile because your friends have been your lifeline for the last few months. They have carried you and listened to you and sat with you. I'm good! How are you? You reply. And you mean it. 

When you get home, you realize you're hungry. And, food actually sounds good. When was the last time food sounded good? you wonder.

You stand in your kitchen, chopping vegetables, listening to John Pardi, the warm spring breeze blowing across the room. You think about him for just a moment and feel a little sad at the thought of last spring, when you were so happy and grilled together on a warm April night. No, no, no! you want to say to the sadness. You were just starting to feel normal again. But then, after just a moment, the sadness passes. And you realize that the worst is over. Will you still miss him? Of course. He was a big part of your life. There will be hard days, especially as the seasons change. But, the every-single-day-can't-eat-can't-sleep-season has passed. Relief. 

You hum along to the song while you salt and pepper your veggies. As you stand there, you realize that you're going to be OK. You're going to be more than OK, in fact. You're going to be yourself again. And it has never, ever felt better to feel like yourself.

Little Things That Bring Me Big Joy

One of the unexpected joys of budgeting (that sounds like an oxymoron ;)!), is that I'm more grateful for little luxuries. There was once a time when getting dinner at Whole Foods was just Tuesday night. Now, if we find ourselves there, Chris and I are both giddy.

With that in mind, there are a few things that I'm pretty much obsessed with this month. Are they anything crazy? Nah. But they make me happy most every day. And that's something!

Five Things I'm Loving This Month

1. My Hydro Flask // I reallllly hesitated as to whether or not I wanted this, since it isn't dishwasher safe and is at a high price point. But, I asked for it for Christmas and haven't regretted it once. 
   
   I have the 32 oz. white bottle with the Sport Cap and it's what my water bottle dreams are made of. It doesn't sweat, keeps it super cold (my ice didn't melt in a 98-degree yoga class!) and has a finger hook on the lid. Since the lids are dishwasher safe, it hasn't been as much of a pain as I expected to hand wash the bottle. 
   
   If you're a water bottle connoisseur, I highly recommend considering it. I'd offer to let you borrow mine, but, I honestly don't want to spend a day apart from it.  
    
2. Eleanor & Park I know, I know. Why won't I stop talking about this book? (But seriously.) It brought me so much joy this month. It's just a really happy read and I looked forward to it every night. I have been looking for a book like this for a while and tried a lot of duds along the way. When I find a good fiction read, I can't stop talking about it. 
    
3. Avocado toast // I've been topping GF bread with mustard and hummus, then sprinkling chia seeds, Pepperman and salt on top. After that, I top it with avocado and (sometimes) cucumber or a hard boiled egg, depending on my hunger. OMG. It's unreal good. 
    
4. My Electric Milk Frother // Another Christmas gift! And yes, I am totally obsessed with the liquids I consume each day :) My brother-in-law got me this (I have the Verismo!) and I absolutely love it. I normally start my day with a black cup of coffee, then, about an hour later when it's halfway gone and cold, I steam some almond milk and add it in to warm it back up. It feels so indulgent. 
    
5. Yoga with Adriene // I've been nursing a foot injury this month, so I've been doing a lot of Adriene's recovery videos. My favorite is her sciatica video. The other day, I did a Vinyasa video outside while the sun rose and was like, ah, this is a dream January morning. I felt so grateful and excited as I started the day. 
    
6. (Bonus!) ChatBooks // I just started using ChatBooks! I don't print from my Instagram - I use my photo favorites. I am using it to make wedding and honeymoon albums, instead of making them manually. I'm super pumped about them! It is SUCH an easy way to catalogue my memories without much effort and in an organized fashion. (You can get your first book free with my referral code!) 

So that's what I'm enjoying this month! What are your little loves? I want to hear what you're digging :) 

You're Invited to Our Galentine's Day Party in ATL!

Five years ago, Melly and I spent our first Valentine's Day together, drinking champagne, making cards and watching The Bachelor. It was our first official Galentine's Day! And since then, we've decided to keep the tradition going strong, even inviting Chris into the mix :) 

This year, in honor of Galentine's everywhere, I'm hosting a G-Day party with Letter Writing, friendship bracelets, donuts and champagne at our house. I'd love for all of you lovely Atlanta readers to join!

If you're not local (or are already booked!), I'd love it if you would download our Galentine's Day madlib to support the event and send to your best pals. All of the proceeds will go toward postage, envelopes and supplies for The Letter Project.

See you soon!

Psst: We love friends! Use "BYOFriend" for $5 off when you buy two or more tickets.