resolving // waiting // yaay!

2012, I liked you. You were different and fun and exciting. You had trips and happy visitors and festivals and a triathlon and a well and new homes and family time and so many adventures.

And you were happy. And I loved you.

But, roomie Katie and I were recently talking and were both a little bit sad that we started the year out so strong (she got engaged, for crying out loud), and then let the fall get away from us. It left us feeling like 2012 wasn't as great as it was, because we didn't embrace the final season. As we started to reflect on the first nine months of the year, we realized it was a phenomenal one, indeed.

But from September to December, we realized we spent a lot of time waiting. Waiting for the rats to be gone, waiting for my foot to heal, waiting for our house to be back to normal,  waiting to be able to run again...

And when you spend so much time waiting, you stop embracing and living.

That thought, in and of itself, got me thinking bigger - how often in our 20s I think we do a lot of waiting. For a job, to move to a new city, to meet the right person, to live near our family, to buy a house... We're all waiting for something because we're all in different spots.

But I don't want to wait, because I love life right now.

I'm not a particularly middle-groundy-person. If I do things, I like to really do them. And the thing that I want to do really a whole lot is control every aspect of my life. But what I want to do, even more (most days), is trust God's plan. And there is this tricky middle ground where I want to control everything and trust Him and then it gets all messy because that's not really how it works.

It's hard to do both, which is why I find myself in this awkward area of praying to relax and not control things, but also secretly trying to control on the side. Something like: God, please let your will be done. But also let this happen and this happen. But mainly let your will be done. But if it could happen next week that would be great, too...

And where did we net out??

So. My resolution for 2013. This year, I want to stop waiting for the next thing, and to just live life, and trust everything will fall into place. Because, um, had the plan I laid out happened so far - well. It'd be a hot mess. Thank goodness 18-year-old Whitney didn't get her way! And 26-year-old Whitney may pretend to be a leetle wiser, but that's not really the case so much.

So, here's to an amazing year - rat free, injury free and wait free. Because, this life? It's pretty amazing. And I couldn't feel luckier to be living and loving with so many incredible people around me.

Happy shiny, sparkly, new year to you!

PS I also resolve to continue my quest for punctuality. And to like kale.

OK. That's all.


{what i learned in 2012}


I'm entirely guilty of hitting the ground running each new year - quickly tearing down Christmas decorations, reorganizing my possessions, purging my closets and making my resolutions. But as important as it is to tackle the new year with gusto, it feels just as important to reflect on the last one. 

In college, each year, I would make a list of everything I'd accomplished that year, as well as everything I hoped to do in the upcoming one. Resolutions, I guess. But really more goals than things I'd hope to resolve. Somehow as I've gotten older, I've fallen away from this practice, and instead only look forward - new habits and goals, things to do, changes to make, busy hands to keep. Running into the new year...

But this year has been important. And I want to be sure to reflect. 

In 2011, I was really broken down during the first half of the year, and by the start of 2012, I felt whole again. I didn't envision 2012 to be a rebuilding year. 

And it wasn't rebuilding that I did, exactly, but instead started to see myself differently. I have begun to learn that to be loved, you do not have to be perfect. My friends and family don't love me because my house is clean and I can run far and I never forget to make my bed. They love me even with a broken foot and messy hair and tears in my eyes because our house is rat infested. 

And it's going to be a lifelong haul for me to remember this. And to remember that it is not one part runner + one part busy person + one part happy person = Whitney. And being able to run fast or pick out the healthiest food in the store or get the most things done in one day isn't going to earn me more love - or even more street cred, for that matter. Sure, those things might give me momentary happiness, and it's important to identify the things that do that. But they don't make me me, or make me more valuable. They're just things. 

In the last week, I have had two different people say things to me that made my heart hurt for them a little bit:

At an engagement party, a girl I'd just met told me she worked at the bakery that made the cupcakes for the party. That's so fun! I told her - slightly distracted. Then she quickly added, Sitting on a degree in social work, working at a bakery...

Another friend told me that she was having a hard time with a friendship, and she said, Whitney, I feel like I'm just never enough. I will never be enough. 
And it made me so sad. 

So in case no one has told you yet this year: You are enough. In your imperfections and flaws and on days you want to lounge around and do nothing at all: you are enough. Just by living and being who you were designed to be, you're succeeding.

It took me all year (+ 25 years) to learn it, and I am ninegajillion times positive I will forget it from time to time. But as we embark upon yet another year, I hope to do my best to remember it, and give grace to myself - as well as others - in their imperfections.

So, there you go. That's what I learned in 2012. Now on to those resolutions! 



here we are, 2013


The people in my family are many a thing, but one of those things is not night owls. We are as early as birds get. You need a ride to the airport at 4 a.m? We've got you. You need a ride from the airport at 1 a.m. midnight? We're going to need some assistance. 

Which is why it really doesn't make sense that I l.o.v.e New Year's Eve. It goes against my very being to want to plan an evening that centers around how late you can stay up - and ringing in a brand new year, not with waking up to a sunrise, but staying up to watch it happen. 

But I do. 

And I know I stand alone on this one. As Christmas' overrated little sister, I've heard that same old song: it never lives up to your expectations. 

Ok ok ok. 

I get it. 

But it hit me this year as the actual E in NYE started to lose its appeal, but I still itched for that strike of the midnight clock: it's so much more than a party to ring in 2013. It's a fresh start. The chance to begin again.

So what if you didn't quite reach your goals in 2012? So what if you didn't win this, make that, meet him, go there, save this, try XY and Z?

You can try again.

It's 2013 and you have 365 beautiful, full days to make it happen again. And with resolutions, a plan and just enough gusto, it's yours for the taking. 

Aside from getting it right the first time, there's almost nothing I love more than a second chance. It's so full of promise. The chance to prove that - yes - it went wrong the first time. But you've learned and grown and you can try again and make it happen. The third chance? It's not as exciting; you've seen it go wrong before. The fourth chance? You're beginning to border on insanity.

But - oh - the second chance. It's magical.

And it's here - it's yours. 2013 is a year full of promise and excitement. And as far as I can tell, the world is your oyster. 

I hope you'll embrace it. 

image, image and image

christmas // change of plans

I can't remember the last time my family opened our Christmas presents on Christmas. Between new husbands, new babies, new jobs and new cities, flexibility has become as much of a tradition as anything else. 

There's something sweet about delaying the gifts - it makes Christmas a little slower, more easily focusing on family and love and Jesus. So this year, that was our plan: Christmas on the 28. 

However, as well-layed a plan as the Bibers like to make, execution was just beyond our reach. 

Duke, Sam, Ash&fam and I were to arrive in Indiana before Christmas - and this part happened. We arrived in shifts the week prior, went to church on Christmas Eve, and had an amazing Christmas day with our extended family. It was so, so great spending time with them. I wish we all lived in the same place!
Cousin Christmas!

Sam, Joe, Duke and Nick

We tricked Sam into thinking a donation was made in his name to the National Cat Society in lieu of gifts. :)

---

Now, after Christmas was when things went slightly awry. 

We started the wake up shift at 3:30 a.m. on the 26 to make our way to the airport, all nine of us in tow (McAllister style), where we'd hop on a flight to Houston, via Dallas. We then planned to spend the night with Court&co on Wednesday. We were going to leave the kiddos at home with a babysitter and go to dinner in Houston just the grown ups. Reservations and all! 

On the 27, we planned to drive to the beach with Court and her kids, our niner now growing to a full brood of 13. Our dreams were dancing not with sugar plums, but instead long walks on the beach, sand bocce and salty hair. Finally on Friday, Ryan would join us at the beach, and we'd open all of our presents Saturday morning.

That was the plan. 

However, when we woke up Wednesday, we learned our flight had been delayed an hour and a big storm was on its way. We weren't too worried, because we were still supposed to get out before the storm. We'd probably miss our connection in Dallas, so we booked an extra set of rental cars there, in case we needed to drive to Houston. We boarded by 7:30 a.m., the crew de-iced the plane, and we even moved on the runway a little bit.

Sadly though, just a few minutes before I thought we were really getting out - phones powered down, cabin lights dimmed and seat belts fastened - the pilot came on apologizing. He couldn't take off in these conditions, and all of the flights out of Indy were cancelled. They could get us out Friday or Saturday, but not Wednesday or Thursday. 

Our spirits were slightly dampened. 

However, we didn't have much time to stay dampened. There was work to be done.

 Many a hours on the phone with the airlines later, as well as four cancelled rental cars, a cancelled hotel, a cancelled beach house, and nine refunded plane tickets, we replanned the week entirely and found ourselves here, today, in Indiana, with Court, Lily, Finn and Crosby en route to see us. I wish dearly that Ryan could come, too, but he has to work through the weekend. 


Since we'd shipped all of our gifts to Houston so we wouldn't have to travel with them, Court is literally Courty Claus, with a stroller and six rolling suitcases in lieu of a sled. 

I am so very excited to see them (major understatement!), and feel so fortunate they were able to get flights to Indy. I cannot wait to give them the biggest hugs ever when they get here. There might even be some tears. 

And - although I'm much more of a beach girl than anything else - we've had a lot of fun in Indy. After a long day yesterday, we had some wine, a good dinner and family game night. Today, we played in the snow with Griff, which he loved, and might even bust out our sleds tonight. 
When it's all said and done, if I'm going to have a change of plans, there's certainly no one else I'd rather do it with.



I hope you all had a great Christmas!