welcome to africa

I was blinded by the darkness when I landed in Entebbe. Only the moon shone through the black cloudy sky, lighting up the drivers' faces asking me repeatedly: Madame do you need a ride? Do you have a group? Are you alone? Are you sure someone is coming for you? I can take you. 

Courtney told me I might want to cry when I landed and I didn't understand why. But then I landed and I wanted to cry. For the first time since April I began to wonder why I chose to give up two weeks in a foreign country, alone. Why didn't I persist when my friends and family told me they wanted to go to Africa, too? 

For some reason I became friends with the flight attendant en route from Amsterdam. Near customs, she ran up to me, asking if I had forgotten my jacket by chance.

No I hadn't, but do you want to hug right now?

I wanted to ask her. 

I was alone for the next hour and half, filled with excitement, fear and worry. Was someone actually meeting me? Why didn't I exchange phone numbers with anyone from the group? I couldn't wait to see the stars. I couldn't wait to see the scenery. 

And then I found my group. I'd never met them but they felt familiar immediately. There was a burst of excitement as we joined together and loaded on to the bus. We were here at last! 

Once we left the airport and began driving, silence fell over us. A mix of exhaustion and awe hit us all at once. 

We drove about an hour to our hotel in Kampala - taking in the scenery - both sad and beautiful. The roads were dirt and the sky was big, black. There was an odd mix of advertising: US-made products, "proud to be African" signs and PSAs, begging people to get tested for HIV. 

We passed a house made out of an old Huggies billboard. After that, every billboard we passed, I thought:

you're next, sign. Who will you shelter someday? Whose home will you be? 

Emaciated livestock lined the side of the roads. Women walked along the street, balancing baskets of sugar cane on their heads. 

There was trash everywhere. So much trash. People just living on the streets among the trash. Bodabodas zipped by. There were no road signs, intersections simply a game of chicken. I have been to foreign countries that have felt very foreign before. But this truly felt like a different world. 

We arrived at the hotel and I felt an odd mix of excitement and confusion. Where am I? Why am I here? And what will happen next?

I couldn't wait to find out. 

i'm back!

Hello (: I'm back and I'm processing. 

I wrote a lot while I was in Africa. The way I felt, the things I feared, the things I loved. My mind was a constant journal, at first consuming and digesting, but by the end just cataloging. I was too overloaded to process anymore. 

Africa changed me. My heart is broken and full all at once. I'll never forget the things I saw or the way I felt while I was there. Now that I've left Gulu, I don't understand how I fit it into my life here. Or rather, how I allow it to fully blow up my entire life, forcing me to question everything. 

I feel completely overwhelmed by everything I saw and did, but I know I don't have to hurry. Things will sort themselves out; will fall into place naturally. 

After our hardest day there, I got into bed and felt like I needed to be lifted up. I was so, so sad and wanted to find some peace. 

Something I noticed in Africa is that it put me in beach mode constantly. When I'm at the beach, I'm always thinking: holy moly, God! You made that!? That beach - that sky - that sunset. That's beautiful!  And that's how I felt for a lot of my time in Africa. 

I decided I would read Genesis 1 that night to mellow out. Why not just read about how it all began, right? 

Well I was really tired and it was really hot and sticky out, so my bible was sticking together and it wouldn't open to Genesis 1. So I was like finnnnnne I'll read chapter 2. 

Lo and behold, I opened it up and the last time I had read this chapter was Jan. 13, 2013 and in the margin I had written: should I go to Africa? 

YALL! 

I completely forgot I had gone into 2013 wondering that. 

God is so faithful. 

So even though I'm not sure what to do with everything I learned in Africa, I know it'll become clear to me. Just give me like two (or 100) days to sort it out.

In the meantime, I'm going to post my journal entries from the trip, because I want to offer my most authentic feelings from my time there. I only ask that you read them with a graceful lens. At the start of the week I was totally overwhelmed. By the end, I know God really changed my heart. Forgive me for needing to be changed. 

I'm in Boston today, then Austin tomorrow, so I'm slowly processing and getting everything posted. I can't wait to share everything.

Stay tuned!

trusting your gut: cassie gregory

**Disclaimer:  This post was written on April 13, 2012. **

Friday the 13th is a day that some believe is a very un-lucky day.

But I would rather think of it as a very lucky day and I will tell you why.....at the end. 

Brooke and I had a double date this past Friday night with a couple guys who have a bromance with each other.

Anywho, we made plans with these 2 fellas earlier in the week - confirmed Friday morning by deciding that going to see 21 Jump Street at 7:25 in Pearl would be a 'great idea.'

Sidenote: There are some code words here you may need to know

(initial is not their real initial - used a different one just in case they ever read this):

My date = N

Brooke's date = D

Anything in a ( ) is what I'm thinking in my head, I don't actually say it.

Also, I am the type person that hates to have plans changed at the last minute..

keep that in mind while reading.

All plans were set as I was driving home from work at 5 when I get a text from N that says: 

Call me. 

I hate those two words because 1) I hate talking on the phone and 2) I am not going to do what you say - sounded like a command.

So I don't write back right away (because you shouldn't text and drive right?) and I continue driving home. 

I write back when I finally get home and say: 

Me: Hey can you just text me what it is you needed to tell me; trying to get ready.

N: yeah baby (umm, baby? don't think so buddy)

N: Yall are going to meet us at crabs 

I don't even respond.

I text brooke and say 'we have to talk when I get to your house.'

I stopped for a second and tried to be rational...

If brooke and her date had planned dinner before, obviously I would go along with the group.

I get to Brooke's house and I ask her if they had planned dinner before.

She said, No i haven't heard from D since 9:30 this morning.

So let me get this straight:

These two boys decided they wanted to eat - change the plans completely - and not even ask us, they just TOLD us what WE were going to do with them. I don't think so, mister.

So here is how the next set of text messages went...

Me: I'm with brooke now; we want to go to the movies first and she doesn't want to eat at crabs either.

N: Wow. (already giving me attitude - not great)

N: So do y'all not want to hang out? I mean we are about to eat (so youre already at restaurant and we aren't even ready?) why don't we meet after

Me: Because we have to get up early tomorrow so we aren't going to the late movie; this was the plan a few hours ago.

N: so yall are going to movie then going home

Me: We are going to the 7:25 movie, not sure what we will do after.  What are y'all doing after y'all eat? 

N: call me. (once again, no)

N: we wanna chill with yall.

 **After this I am just annoyed.  I ask Brooke what she thinks we should do and we decide we are still going to our movie and we will meet them after to get it over with.**

So I text him back and said...

Me: We will meet yall after the movie, maybe at like Buffalo Wild Wings?

N: Okay sounds great.

During the movie, I leave my phone in my purse and forget about it.

Once the movie is over, I check my phone: 

2 text messages

4 missed calls

ABSOLUTELY ridiculous.

I send a text to N: We just got out of the movie.

He calls me 2 more times before I can even walk to my car.

In the car, I finally answer.

This is the conversation: 

Me: hello?

N: where you at?

Me: at the movies, i literally just got in my car.

N: (cuts me off) well are yall coming up here?

Me: Yes, we are on our way to Buffalo Wild Wings now.

N: uhh, no we are now at a different place, McB's..yall come over here instead.

I was so annoyed at this point that i said:

OOOO-kay.

N: what's your problem? (about to snap on him)

Me: My problem is, every time I make plans to meet you somewhere today - you have changed those plans.

N: Well, I've just had a really rough week and I want to see you and blah blah bullsh* blah.

Me: okay, okay. well we will see yall soon

and I hung up in his face.

I literally put the phone in my lap, put my car in drive and then I see this on my phone:

N: ok c ya in a few

(pick the phone up and put it in my lap again)

N: Smile I am ready 2 c u

(same process)

N: :/

By this point, it is literally getting to be too much.

Nobody has called my phone this many times since I bought my baby, Siri.

2 more phone calls and a text message before we even get out there.

I finally write back at 10:26 and said we just got out here and we are going in BWW because we are starving.

Yall can come across the street and see us (which is how it should be anyway).

N: Call me asap.

N: D in jail.

Me: It's too loud in here, why is he in jail?

N: ugh, DUI.

Me: Are yall still across the street? How does someone get a DUI that fast?

NO response from him again until 2 am...

N: What a night.

I don't text him back.

11 am on Saturday...

N: Meltdown last night

I don't text him back.

11 am on Sunday...

N: He sends me a picture of a piece of paper of a DUI i guess.

N: D got DUI. 

I think I get that now - you've only told me 02483098509 times. 

So to end this crazy stalker phone caller from ever contacting me again I make this up and send this:

The CSpire customer that you are trying to reach no longer

accepts contact from this number.

Continued contact will result in charges

to your account of $1.99 per text.

Haven't heard from him again.

Now some of you might think: That was a terrible night and Friday the 13th is really unlucky.

But Brooke and I don't see it that way at all - it was truly a blessing in disguise. 

No girl should have to put up with that.

I feel it is my duty to take nights like this, and turn them into situations you girls can learn from without having to experience it, but in a very, witty way.

Just my little part of good I can do in the world.

I hope you enjoyed this blog post as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Moral of the story kids:

Go with your gut feeling and pray. 

I prayed that Thursday night: "God, If you do not want me to waste my time with this person, please send me a sign."

Ask and you shall receive, people.

Amen.

// 

Read more of Cassie's posts on her blog, Always a Blogsmaid, Never a Blogger

trusting your gut: kate hampton

Hello Sometimes Always Never readers! I’m so excited to be guest posting for Whitney while she’s in Africa changing the world. I blog over at What Kate Likes about a lot of fashion-related things and occasionally things that are a bit deeper and more personal. I’m excited to have the chance to get into a meatier topic than I normally do, without it seeming random or out of place.

When Whitney approached me about guest blogging for her, she told me that she wanted everyone to write about listening to their gut. To be honest, I really had to think about the topic and do some serious introspection before agreeing.

I am a planner, an obsessive, a person who doesn't even go to the grocery store without a defined list of what exactly I’m going to buy. I don’t take risks or jump into something feet-first unless I've considered all options/consequences/benefits/rewards. I’m the type of person who peels off band-aids bit by bit, even though ripping the whole thing off is much easier and less painful. Making decisions based solely on what I feel in my gut or heart is right is something I seriously struggle with. Maybe it’s the fact that I have a hard time giving up control, maybe it’s the fact that I don’t like taking risks without knowing exactly what will happen.

However, lately I've been thinking more and more about past decisions I've made and how, even when I carefully weighed the pros and cons, things didn't turn out quite like I’d imagined or thought they would. I feel like over-thinking every decision is using up so much energy and brainpower. I’m so in awe of Whitney and her ability to just instinctively say “yes” to this trip to Africa and not get bogged down in the details.

So I’m going to make a conscious effort to listen to myself when I need to make a decision. I know I’ll still probably over-think, but I’m going to do my best to listen to what my heart and instincts are telling me and just go for it. I’m slightly nervous about how much of a change this will be for me, but I think that it’s definitely something I need to do! I’m really going to take Tina Fey’s advice to heart and say “yes” first (or no or whatever it is that my instincts are telling me is right) and then figure all the details out afterwards. Nothing needs to be fully thought-through in order to be amazing or to at least have the possibility to be amazing, which is something I definitely need to remember all the time.

//

Read more of Kate's posts on her blog, What Kate Likes