i'm back!

Hello (: I'm back and I'm processing. 

I wrote a lot while I was in Africa. The way I felt, the things I feared, the things I loved. My mind was a constant journal, at first consuming and digesting, but by the end just cataloging. I was too overloaded to process anymore. 

Africa changed me. My heart is broken and full all at once. I'll never forget the things I saw or the way I felt while I was there. Now that I've left Gulu, I don't understand how I fit it into my life here. Or rather, how I allow it to fully blow up my entire life, forcing me to question everything. 

I feel completely overwhelmed by everything I saw and did, but I know I don't have to hurry. Things will sort themselves out; will fall into place naturally. 

After our hardest day there, I got into bed and felt like I needed to be lifted up. I was so, so sad and wanted to find some peace. 

Something I noticed in Africa is that it put me in beach mode constantly. When I'm at the beach, I'm always thinking: holy moly, God! You made that!? That beach - that sky - that sunset. That's beautiful!  And that's how I felt for a lot of my time in Africa. 

I decided I would read Genesis 1 that night to mellow out. Why not just read about how it all began, right? 

Well I was really tired and it was really hot and sticky out, so my bible was sticking together and it wouldn't open to Genesis 1. So I was like finnnnnne I'll read chapter 2. 

Lo and behold, I opened it up and the last time I had read this chapter was Jan. 13, 2013 and in the margin I had written: should I go to Africa? 


I completely forgot I had gone into 2013 wondering that. 

God is so faithful. 

So even though I'm not sure what to do with everything I learned in Africa, I know it'll become clear to me. Just give me like two (or 100) days to sort it out.

In the meantime, I'm going to post my journal entries from the trip, because I want to offer my most authentic feelings from my time there. I only ask that you read them with a graceful lens. At the start of the week I was totally overwhelmed. By the end, I know God really changed my heart. Forgive me for needing to be changed. 

I'm in Boston today, then Austin tomorrow, so I'm slowly processing and getting everything posted. I can't wait to share everything.

Stay tuned!