breathe in

image via sarah tucker styles

It's cold here again today and I do say this isn't quite the winter Georgia boasted when I decided to move south. But if there's one thing in life we surely can't control it's the weather, so bundle up we will!

I was at home yesterday for fear of another snowpocolpyse and it was one of those lovely work from home days where I got so much done that I kind of wanted to do a happy dance at the end of the day. I love productivity so. 

Yesterday when I was journaling, I wrote that lately in life I'm feeling really content. I know there will be time for highs and time for lows in the future, but for right now, a deep sigh of content is washing over me and I feel really grateful for it.

It might have to do with a few great things, including making an effort to do my quiet time in the morning. Something about it makes me feel so much more relaxed during the day - more focused, less stressed. Also, I have a new electric toothbrush that I basically am obsessed with. I hesitated to buy it because of the price, but holy smokes it was so worth it. My teeth feel so clean!

So yes, a little more still in the mornings and a little bit cleaner teeth. It doesn't take much to make this girl happy, it seems. 

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

on finding the one

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When it comes to dating, I've always been being pretty intentional and took it seriously sooner than I should have. For example, back when I was the ripe old age of 18, I decided I was only going to date guys that I thought I could marry. I told my friends: 

If I'm dating someone, and find a reason I couldn't marry him, I'll end it. Why invest emotionally and risk one of us getting hurt when I know I don't see a future?

Yikes. Way too certain for 18. :)

And although in our 20s it's much more reasonable to behave this way, lately I've noticed a lot of people putting more and more pressure on themselves to find the one. And sometimes I feel like it's too much. 

So while I still have a whole whole lot to figure out about it myself, here's what I wish I could go back and tell my baby 18-year-old self about finding the one:

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1. Sometimes, dating for fun is good. 

I still fully believe in being oh so careful with people's hearts. But I think girls often put so much pressure on figuring out if he's the one early on that we take the fun out of it. After date one, we ask ourselves, is he the one? But is it possible to know? And more importantly, is it necessary? Sometimes, I think it's good to admit: I like him enough for right now. 

Does that mean he's the one, two months in? Maybe not. But it means you like him a whole lot. And that's fun. 

Also, sometimes, you need to date to figure out what you want and need. You might not have known something was a deal breaker for you until you dated a few guys who couldn't give it to you. You've gotta figure that stuff out. You might not have dated nice guys before, so you're not great at accepting good, pure love. That takes practice.

And, if you've been out of the game for a while, sometimes you need to practice - it's like interviewing. The more you do it, the better you get at it. 

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2. You might not know what you want. 

I used to think I would marry someone who played guitar and was the life of the party and ran around juggling thirty seven million things at once. And then I dated some life of the parties and guitar players and guys who were too busy for us to find an open slot on both of our calendars. And I found out I didn't want those things. Not because they're bad things - I wouldn't mind a guitar player one bit. But because they're not my non-negotiables. There are things that are way more important to me, and it turns out those other things don't really matter. 

3. You won't mess it up with the one. 

The right guy will like the true version of you - not the one that walks on egg shells for fear of making a mistake. He'll like the version of you that is honest and open about her needs. If he's the one, you won't mess it up. 

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4. If he's the one, you will end up together. 

And if you don't, he's not the one.

5. And if he's not the one, and he was really that great, think about how much better your husband will be.

If you thought he was a 10 out of 10, holy smokes, your husband is going to blow your mind. Because God doesn't bring you one guy only to downgrade you and bring you a life of discontentment. As much as the heartache hurts, it's a stepping stone to what's next. To what's better.

{because we're not always in control}

I was supposed to go to Denver last weekend with my mom and sisters, but on Thursday came down with the flu, a sinus infection and possibly strep throat. The combination left me sick in a way I don't think I've ever felt sick - where every part of my body ached and I actually wondered if it was ever going to end. 

I didn't make my flight Thursday night, but my mom called to get it rescheduled for Saturday morning. That was my glimmer of hope until Friday night, when I realized I was still way, way too sick to even consider boarding a flight the next day. 

It was at that point that I cried for the millionth time (does anyone else just cry all the time when they have fever?) and also realized the irony of it all - this is one trip that we planned months in advance. Back when we found out Ash was pregnant and decided we wanted to meet baby Max when he was the tiniest of all. This made me cry a little more, obviously. 

But once the haze lifted and I resumed rational thinking instead of fever-and-pain-induced-thinking, I realized the whole weekend was kind of a metaphor for life. 

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Because we can only plan and control so much before we get a reminder that we're not really in control at all. That life is a series of twists and turns and, sometimes, from where we're sitting, we can't quite see around the next bend. We don't know what's coming and, while this weekend it made it a little frustrating, it also makes it so exciting. Today is today but tomorrow could be a new job possibility, a prospective date or the best cup of coffee we've ever had in our life. And that's exciting.

So yes, sometimes the stable gets a little boring. But then, just when we think we've got it all under control, we're reminded that this world is much bigger than we are. Sometimes our plans will fall into place and sometimes they will fall apart. That's life. And it's beautiful and full of adventure. And I'll take adventure any day.

no source - anyone have it?

when did stable become boring?

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I talk a lot about the chaos that are our 20s. How everything is constantly changing and nothing remains the same. How we're all trying to figure stuff out learn who we are. How each day can feel completely different from the one before it.

But what happens when things begin to level out? What happens when we feel emotionally stable? Financially [more] independent? Happy in our jobs? Planning to make no changes for a little while? Not moving to a new city? Not moving to a new house? When the wedding is over and we're married with nothing to plan?

When our only job is to just be?

I notice when this happens for me, I have a tendency to create more chaos.

Maybe I should switch jobs?

Move?

Join a new organization?

Emotionally invest in something that will make life crazier? 

As someone who was once in a very tumultuous relationship, with lots of highs and lows, I know that you can get addicted to those highs and lows. After breaking up with a guy I dated many years with lots of break ups and begin agains and this isn't workings to I love yous, I quickly found that emotionally stable relationships left me feeling bored. I looked for trouble; I wanted to create chaos.

And I think this same theory applies to our lives. When things are too easy - or rather, too normal -  we get a little bored. I think we even tend to make life changes, sometimes, simply because we're bored. Do you really want to go back to school? Or is your job just a little too easy right now? Are you really upset about what he said? Or are things just too smooth sailing in your relationship? Do you really want to lead that committee? Or do you just have a handle on everything else you're doing right now?

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We do it because everyone else is moving at different paces. Just when your life begins to level out, one of your friends get a new job. And suddenly, you're restless in yours. And then there are weddings and babies and new homes being purchased. And suddenly your stable life doesn't feel so exciting anymore. 

But that doesn't mean we should create chaos in our lives. In fact, I think it can be the sweetest time of all. It's the chance to invest energy not into figuring things out, but instead into going deeper. Deeper into friendships. Or deeper into things outside of work, because we finally have a handle on work. Deeper into things that mean something to us and help us develop who we want to be and where we want to go. We finally have the chance to take a deep breath and create accord from the chaos. 

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A wise friend once told me: I have a lot of things to worry about in my life. I don't want my marriage to be one of them. I want my marriage to be stable - I want it to be the rock I lean on when everything else gets chaotic.

And it turns out that she's right. I don't want my relationships to stress me out when they don't need to. And I don't want my life to be chaotic when it doesn't need to be. There will be time for highs and there will be time for lows. But maybe right now is just about being still.