let life overflow

When I was a senior in college, a lot of girls in my sorority lived out of the house - meaning they got their own apartments. I remember, at the time, I wanted to live in the house, but kept thinking about how I was really ready to cook for myself and decorate my own place.

When my friends and I were recently back in Bloomington for a bachelorette party, I told them that if I could, I'd tell all those juniors that are making the same decision: live in senior year. You have your whole life to live on your own. This is the last chance you'll have to live with so many of your friends. Enjoy the day parties and dancing on the sundeck in the afternoon. Soak up every late night chat with froyo and blaring music while getting ready together. Enjoy communal meals and showers and the constant togetherness that inevitably fades away when you no longer live with your best friends and have minimal commitments.

As I said it, I realized this advice - this attitude of enjoy-the-now - is just as applicable to my life today, too. In our 20s, it's so easy to want what the people around us have. As I watch my friends move in with boys, move to new cities, have babies or have the incredible joy of living near their families, it's easy to feel overcome by the wanting. It's easy to let it taint the right now.

But right now is really sweet. Are there hard days? Yes. Do I sometimes feel jealous of my friends who are on different tracks than me? Of course. It's natural. But, the older I get, the more I understand that we have to make a choice at some point between overflowing and emptiness. Are we going to decide that what we have is enough - that life is overflowing - and get as much joy out of it as possible? Or are we going to always look at it as though it is not enough - that is is empty?

It got me thinking about life right now and that I really want to remember this phase. I want to soak it in so that in a few years I don't forget how great it is. Because life today is sweet. The days are long and warm and the nights are restful and balmy. Evenings are marked by walks with Chris or frisbee with my brothers. We grill out a lot and can't get enough guacamole. Life is full but not too busy.

I'm not planning a wedding or moving or making any big changes. And sometimes, I may want to rush into those things. The truth is, life right now is sort of in between a lot of different phases. But, if I let it be, it is overflowing. I want to choose to see that and allow myself to rest in its peacefulness.

Someday when things begin to change, I know I'll look back on this phase and remember it as a happy one. It's simpler and has narrowed in a lot of ways. But it's good. It feels like a warm sunny day when the breeze blows across your face. It's sweet and tender and reminds me that right now, I really like doing life with the people around me.

// life lately: spring is good //

Spring life has been the good life lately. 

I went to a bachelorette with dear friends in Bloomington to celebrate our girl Jamie getting married // And celebrated Chris' 28th birthday at Rathbun's // Froyo has pretty much been a diet staple // And we celebrated our friends Mike and Kelsey getting married this past weekend // Duke helped me hang my hammock swing, which is really going to up my porch game // I've spent as much time as possible outside - reading under trees in the park with Chris, going on long walks and soaking up this blissful weather.

I hope you're enjoying your spring, too!

Ten Things for Single Girls

1. Don’t stress so much about finding a guy.

I wish I’d learned this sooner. I wish I hadn't spent 25 stressing and instead had trusted that when the time was right, God would bring me someone to date. He.will.find.you. And you don’t need to do anything to make it happen faster.

2. Do what you love.

Did you know that you glow when you’re doing what you love? I mean it. When we are in our element, we light up. And we connect more. I promise you that you don’t need to be a slave to the bars – standing around waiting for a guy to offer to buy you a drink. Do what you want to do. Go where you want to go. Wear what you want to wear. Don’t make your life a game of cat and mouse. Just be you. He will find you.

3. This time is precious.

Once you start dating someone, everything will change. You won’t have autonomy over your schedule anymore and you have to find a careful balance between your significant other, friends, family, work and alone time. Is it worth it? Of course! But this time to yourself is precious. Instead of wishing it away, use it to really connect with your family and girlfriends, to try new hobbies and to grow on your own.

When I finally stopped waiting to meet someone

, I realized how fun this phase of life it was. 

4. Don’t use sex to attract a guy. Unless you want to attract a guy that just wants to have sex.

You are so much more than your physical body. You are lovely and beautiful! But you are

even more

than that. Don’t a

llow yourself to believe that your looks are why you’re worthy of a relationship. It’s a slippery slope when we begin to believe that the value we bring to a relationship is derived from our looks. You are much more than your body. Shine bright and shine far from the inside out.

5. Make big choices now.

 That puppy you want to buy? That city you want to try out? Or trip you want to take? You should try them! You are worthy of receiving all those wonderful adventures now. You don't have to put your life on hold because you’re afraid it might jeopardize your future relationship. I promise you that a big adventure won’t slow your relationship down. The person you end up with will be able to run right alongside you. 

6. Be open minded

. It's great to know your non-negotiables and to hold tight to them. But allow room for a little creativity and grace as you meet people. Allow yourself to be surprised by the love you can find when you let someone new in. It will be greater than you even imagined.

7. Let him come to you.

I promise you that if a guy is interested, he will pursue you. Trust me, I've been there before: maybe he didn't get my text message? Maybe I should have left a voicemail? Is he nervous? Maybe I should help him out? My friends. Boys are hunters. If they like you, they will text you, call you and ask you out. 

8. Sort through your issues

. Now is the best time you’ll ever have to deal with the past. When you start dating someone and you’re worried about if he likes you and if it's going to go anywhere, it’s a lot harder to really dig into your own stuff. Use this precious time to learn more about who you are and what your past means to you. 

9. You are not alone.

Being single can feel so, so lonely. Because the loneliest feeling is not actually being alone, but is, instead, not feeling known. But I promise you, you are not alone. You are loved beyond words by your family, friends and God. On the lonely days, don’t apologize for needing more from your loved ones. They are there to talk and to remind you that you are deeply, deeply loved. Lean on them. And when they need it? Let them lean right back.

10. Be you. Because you are beautiful. And you are enough.

Wholly, fully, inside and out. You are enough. It doesn't take a diamond ring to tell you this. You are enough, exactly as you are. Exactly where you are. 

What is Love?

On one of 

my favorite mornings in Africa

, we rode single speed bikes that clunked down the bumpy, dirt road to our project site for the day. The smell of sunscreen and Deet wafted behind us as we biked slowly alongside one another. We’d been strangers the week before, but by this day, we’d shared heart-wrenching and life-changing experiences. We danced somewhere between acquaintances – still learning about one another’s families and hometowns – and friends.

We arrived at our worksite for the day, where we planned to help build a school out of water, dirt and dung. Our sunscreen protection was quickly replaced by thick, cakey mud. We worked all morning alongside locals to build the first wall – telling jokes and sharing stories. Taking breaks to hold a tiny, perfect baby.

During our lunch break, we sat on a tarp and broke bread over a traditional meal, including hot tea and crumpets. While we ate, kids from the surrounding area started to gather around us. As we finished eating, we started to play with them. They asked me to take their picture on my phone over and over, begging me to see themselves each time. They don’t see mirrors regularly and don’t have phones – so seeing their own face in a photo was incredible to them.

What I didn’t realize was that each time I took their photo, I would say, “I love it! Do you love it?” and then show it to them. Quickly the kids caught on and started chanting, “I love it! Do you love it?” over and over.

I’d never realized until that moment how often I say the words “I love it!” Thinking about it made me wonder what the word

love

really means to me.

Love is not conditional

My bible study is reading Donald Miller’s new book,

Scary Close

. He talks a lot about love and intimacy. A point that has really stuck with me is that love is not conditional. Love is constant and is a choice. It isn’t dangled in front of someone or manipulative. I think a lot of times, we tend to confuse what love is in our relationships. When someone is being unloving or treating you poorly, they aren’t practicing love. And that’s what love is – it’s a choice and a practice. When it comes to love, actions speak equally as loud – if not louder – than words.

Love is not perfect

A lot of my friends are at a similar point in dating right now – close to getting engaged and really trying to evaluate if their relationships are marriage-worthy. Something we have talked about lately is this:

Even when you love someone, they still aren't perfect. 

You will annoy one another. And frustrate one another. As you grow deeper in a relationship, the good things get better, but the bad things become more exemplified, too. If leaving the toilet seat up annoys you in dating, you better believe it will bug you when you’re sharing a house. But, I have to bet that the way Chris is always filling up my constantly emptied glass of water will only keep getting sweeter the longer he does it.

The truth is, this isn’t just in dating. Our siblings, parents, friends and peers that we love are equally as flawed. Have you ever had someone you love really disappoint you? It’s easy to want to write them off. And I think we live in such a readily connected and trade-in/trade-up society that we tend to look at relationships as disposable. 

But, writing off people who have made mistakes, let you down and shown that they are, in fact, human, is not love. Because love is not conditional.

What does love look like in your life?

What I’m learning is that I may have really loved the cute photos of the kids in Africa. But when it comes to relationships, practicing love is much more than that. It’s an action and a choice. For me, showing love is being consistent and available. It is being vulnerable, honest and patient. It is remembering Donald Miller’s words that loving someone with flaws opens the door to them loving me with my flaws, too.

I don't know what love looks like in your life. But I do believe that when you love someone, you choose to grow alongside them and learn together. 

You choose to be vulnerable and open yourself up wholly and fully to experience authentic love.

I want to be clear that there are definite reasons to end a relationship like abuse, manipulation (among many others) and any other deal breakers that are personal to you. I am not, in any way, advocating that you ignore major red flags or stay in an unhealthy relationship. Love is respectful, gentle and kind.

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