why does every girl think she needs to lose weight?

I recently walked into a conversation as a group of girls was talking about losing weight. They were outlining diets they'd each tried - recounting what they'd cut, how much they'd exercised and comparing each one by the numbers. I excused myself instantly and, as soon as I did, my heart began to ache.

Why does every girl think she's fat? 

I couldn't help but wonder for the remainder of the night. Why do these beautiful, wonderful people I'm surrounded with think they need to change?

If you listen for it, every day you'll hear girls having conversations, big and small, about the ways they need to change their bodies. There are cookies they should not eat and classes at the gym they should attend. There are self-deprecating conversations about wanting smaller this and flatter that. About wanting to tone up and slim down. These are tiny, daily admissions that reveal, over and over again: I believe I am not enough as I am.

Why aren't we able to be confident in who we are and grateful for the bodies we have?

Whose idea was it to convince every girl, everywhere that something about her is incomplete? There is a constant posture of not enough and of needing to change.

But I don't think it has to be this way.

I want to cultivate a posture of enough. I want to believe that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, just as I am. That calories aren't meant to be counted, but enjoyed. That exercise isn't meant to be used as a tool to earn a meal. That exercise is beautiful because is allows us to feel the fullness of our strength and the wind in our hair.

I've been thinking a lot about what I wish I'd said when I walked in on that conversation. What I wish I'd been brave enough to reveal, instead of remaining silent. If I had the chance again, here's what I'd say:

I wish you wouldn't be so hard on yourself.

Because you are beautiful. You are enough as you are. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes instead of the microscope that you use to pick apart pieces of your body. I wish you could see the way your smile can light up a room when you laugh without insecurity. I wish you could see the way you connect with people when you love vulnerably.

I wish you could see yourself the way the world sees you - as someone who is strong and able and beautiful - instead of as a number on a scale or on your pants. Not as a work in progress, in need of change through a Pure Barre class and a cardio session, but instead as someone who is totally, completely enough. 

I wish you wouldn't be so hard on yourself for me. Because when you pick yourself apart, it makes me wonder how you see me. If you think your stomach isn't flat enough, what do you think when you see mine? If you think you need to diet before your wedding, what will you say about me before mine? If you think you need to be longer, leaner, firmer and tighter, do you think I do, too? The way we love ourselves is, ultimately, how we love others. If you cannot love yourself for you, can you still love me for me? 

I wish you wouldn't be so hard on yourself for our future daughters. Someday, she will watch you. And she will wonder, if you think you are fat, what you think about her. She will wonder if you pick her apart when you see her in the bathtub, just like you pick your body own apart. And someday, she will grow up and wonder why she doesn't like parts of her body. She might not know exactly why, but she will know that she, too, needs to be smaller and firmer.

But most of all, I wish you wouldn't be so hard on yourself because you were fearfully and wonderfully made. You are a wonderful work. And you deserve to know it full well and believe it deeply. 

big news a-comin

image via emily ley

I have some big news coming down the pike in the next couple weeks that I'm really excited to share with you! I'm also in the process of redoing my blog and coaching site, so this weekend felt a little crazy trying to get all my ducks in a row.

I'm not quite ready to share my news yet, but will be hopefully in the next few weeks. In the meantime, in honor of the new design coming soon, I'm offering five free coaching sessions for first-time clients. Email me if you'd like to snag one or have any questions. I anticipate that they'll go quickly and will only be offering five, so be sure to grab one if you're interested.

Right now it feels like everything is moving really quickly in life. Last week I found myself working late at my job, then zipping home as quickly as possible to pour myself into the new project I mentioned/coaching/blogging. I feel so grateful for this season of harvesting, but this past weekend I found myself exhausted. Chris cooked Friday night and I barely made it to dessert. And that's my favorite part!

Saturday, we kayaked Sweetwater Creek as our first date back from our sabbatical, went to lunch with Duke at Miller Union and spent the afternoon at the pool. It was so lovely. Sunday morning, I woke up ready to go - to spend time at my computer to move things forward, write a blog post and catch up on the computery side of things.

The weekend reminded me that even in our busiest seasons of work and life, it's so important that we make time to play and rest. To get outside, slow down and embrace this sweet season of summer. When we take time to slow down and care for ourselves, we're better for it in the long run. We begin Monday morning rejuvenated instead of depleted. Energized instead of exhausted. And joyful that another week is upon us.

Happy Monday!

PS: I love this read from Robyn about Hunger & Shame.

ATL Free Dates Final & Five Things Friday

Happy Friday! Tonight is Chris and my last date of our 30 Days of Free Dates. Yaay! He's grilling salmon from Fresh Harvest as our final hurrah. I'll probably be making goat cheese guacamole. Again! I'm hooked.

Tomorrow, we're going kayaking at Sweetwater, then he's taking me to a mystery lunch spot. The only clue I got was to come hungry. Nottaproblem! 

The past week of free dating has been pretty low key, since we threw the surprise party last weekend. We did manage to squeeze in a Braves game, because one of my friends gave me free tickets, which included free food. Boom!

We were laughing that we haven't been back to a Braves game since last summer, when we had the same free tickets. We spent most of it talking about a job offer I'd just received in Africa, instead of watching. How different our lives would be today had I taken it! It made me so grateful for what God is doing in my life right here in this sweet city. Sometimes, we have to go to faraway places for big adventures. Other times, they're right in our own backyard.

As we wrap up all this free dating, I'm shocked to see how much is still unfinished on the list we made.  I also feel (probably too) proud we survived the lack of coffee dates. And I ca-n-n-ot wait to get dressed up for a date night soon. A night on your porch just ain't the same as a night on the town!

For a little Friday thinking, I saw this question posed recently and thought I'd share:

If you had one million in your bank account, how would you answer these questions?

1 place to visit: Greece! Or Bora Bora. I think I need two :)

1 thing to do before you die (a memory of a lifetime): Ride an elephant. I've been itching to do this for years and had some weird idea I'd get to do it in Africa. It's on my bucket list!

1 thing to do daily: Say thank you. And I love you. More & more.  You never regret it.

1 thing to do weekly: Have a dance party in lieu of typical exercise. You never regret that, either.

1 thing you’ve always wanted to learn: How to be an awesome photographer.

How would you answer? Have a great weekend!

you need more nurturing than you think {and other life truths}

This past weekend, my mom came to Atlanta to help Chris and me throw a surprise birthday party for his mom. It was amazing to have her here and the whole time I just kept thinking, "Will I know how to do this stuff this well when I'm a mom?" She thought of everything when it came to party planning - those tiny details I'd never remember, but made such a difference.

After the party was over, we spent a lot of time in our garden. My mom, dad - and honestly all my aunts and uncles - have pretty amazing green thumbs. I always find myself struck with both awe and envy when I see how naturally it comes to them.

As my mom and I were working in our garden, I noticed she kept giving me little tips. I thought if you took out the fact that she was dealing plants, her advice wouldn't be all that different when it comes to our own self care.

1. Be patient with yourself.  I watched as my mom spread soil gently between each stalk of corn and basil plant. She went slowly and meticulously, taking her time to tend to each one. She told me that you have to be patient with each plant - making certain you give it enough time and sunlight and soil to grow at the right pace.

I think sometimes we need permission to give ourselves enough time and rest and nourishment to grow. 

We hurry ourselves and expect instant results and improvement. But we need time. And that's OK. In fact, if we are able to give ourselves permission to slow down and have our needs met, we'll be stronger and happier in the long run.

2. We don't all need (or want) the same things. I tend to go for a one-size-fits-all approach in the garden. If my hydrangeas need one pitcher of water each day, my corn must, too. But this isn't how it works. Some plants need more sun and some need more water.

It's the same way with people. We all need different things to help us grow. What works for our friends (say, maybe married with two babies by 28) might not work for us. We have to give ourselves permission to do things differently and to have different needs. I may be corn and you may be basil. We are different. And that's really beautiful.

3. Be gentle with yourself. As I dumped my soil into the garden, pummeling my mint and squash, my mom reminded me to be gentle with the plants. They are tender and delicate. And so are people.

Sometimes I think we forget that we're all human and we need love and gentleness more than we need most things. You are not perfect, but you deserve grace and kindness and positive self-talk. 

4. Feeling safe and secure is really important. My mom said our plants weren't growing as strong as they could because we hadn't put in enough soil. Since it was so shallow, they didn't feel secure in the box. She had us add more soil around them, so they felt more rooted and secure. It's important that we understand what we need to feel safe and secure as individuals, too. Do you need vulnerability? Stability? Adventure? Understanding what we need to feel safe & secure will allow us to grow.

5. We need more nurturing than people realize. As we finished gardening, I was trying to crunch numbers with my mom, "How much water does each plant need each day?" I was asking her. And she told me that the plants would tell me if I wasn't watering them enough - they'd start to wilt in the hot Georgia sun. She said that she thinks plants tend to need more nurturing than people think.

And I realized that we're really just the same. I think we tend to live in silos and do our best to keep our needs to a minimum. But, in reality, we are meant to live in community, supporting one another. We are meant to care for one another and nurture growth together.

We don't need to minimize our needs, but instead, be vocal, honest and vulnerable about what we need. In doing that, we can grow into stronger individuals, so we can care for one another better. And that's pretty beautiful.