Things I'm Afraid to Tell You

The internet is pretty curated and my blog and insta feed are no exceptions. I recently read a very old post from Jess Lively about the things she was scared to share with her audience. I was inspired by her candor and thought I'd share a few of the truths from my life that I'm typically too timid to publish. (Even if it feels super scary.)

So, here goes nothing... 

1. I have overcome an obsessive relationship with over-exercising and under-fueling, but sometimes still struggle with exercise as an idol. I have to remind myself to take rest days and still avoid running (for the most part) for fear that it will become an obsession again.
    
2. I love sharing lessons I've learned in my 20s, but sometimes worry people will think I believe I have it "all figured out." I don't. 
    
3. I love Jesus, but sometimes fear being really candid about it, because I don't want anyone to feel like they aren't welcome here if their beliefs don't align with mine. 
    
4. I sometimes feel jealous of other people who have businesses, blogs and social media feeds that are WAY bigger than mine. When I see them grow rapidly, I wonder if they are more likable than me. 
    
5. I want to talk about being married to Chris, but never want to give off the idea that we have a perfect marriage. There's no such thing! 
    
6. I still feel convicted to talk about how painful and endless singleness can feel, but never want to come off as insincere now that I'm married.
    
7. When I get really hungry and have nothing on me, I ask Chris what it would be like if we could eat our phones. (Hunger makes me desperate!)
    
8. I cannot wait to have babies and have to work, daily, to stay present in this current phase we are in. It's a beautiful season being newlyweds and I don't want to rush through it. But it takes discipline for me to remember that.
    
9. I only wash my hair once a week and am weirdly proud of it in real life, yet never talk about it here. I'm not dirty though - I still shower!

Deep breaths.

I hope this shines a little light into the non-online version of me. Hopefully it feels more like a flashlight than a floodlight and I have not blinded you with too much candor :)

My friend, Jena, is sharing the things she's afraid to post, too. Hop on over if you want to check it out. 

Thank you for reading!

we are going to kenya!

Three years ago, I stood in line in the Hartsfield Jackson International terminal to check my bag for my flight to Uganda. As I waited, my phone started buzzing. I looked down: Chris Saxon is calling? I wondered if he'd forgotten I was leaving today.

Hey Whit, he said as I answered. I figured you might be leaving for your trip soon and I just wanted to make sure I said goodbye before you did. You're going to have a great time!

As we hung up, I smiled at my phone. What a nice guy, I thought. And we're not even dating! That Chris Saxon, I tell ya! 

As I went about my trip during the next couple of weeks, I kept thinking about Chris. I was on my break from dating, but I knew I liked him. I hoped, hoped we'd date when I got back, but was trying to temper my own expectations. 

We'd bonded a lot before I left over Africa. He'd spent two semesters in both Uganda and South Africa. As I played with kids there, worked on a school and traveled around the country, I just kept thinking that I might someday go to Africa with Chris. Calm yourself, Whitney, I'd remind myself in those moments. You aren't even dating. You are getting ahead of yourself. 

But then, just as quickly as I'd scolded myself for thinking it, the thought would crop back up. Maybe, maybe, maybe, I'd let myself daydream.

Here we are today, 3 years and 3 months (1,179 days, to be exact) since Chris called me in the airport and I am so excited to share that we are heading to Kenya together next month. We'll be there for three weeks and will be volunteering with Development in Gardening (DIG). 

We could not be more excited! The exact details of what we'll do while we are there are still being sorted out. We have our flights booked and will fly from Atlanta to Istanbul to Nairobi to Kisumi. From there, we'll spend the majority of the trip volunteering with DIG, until the very end when we go on a safari.

As we prepare for the trip, I'd absolutely love your prayers, if you're up for it! Specifically, if you'd be willing to pray for:

• Safety as we travel through Istanbul & Nairobi
• Safety during our stay
• That I don't get too homesick 
• That Chris and I can use the time to connect with one another & listen to the Lord
• That we are prepared to love and connect with the people with whom we are interacting

Thank you so much for your support and prayers! It means the world to me!

Discounted Coaching Sessions (because people need people)

I'm sitting in our dining room (AKA the office), sipping coffee and marveling at a 50-degree January morning. People keep saying snow is coming, but it doesn't feel like it. Oh, winter, you sneak, you. 

I say, a lot, to Chris and my mom and whoever will listen, that I think everybody needs therapy or coaching. All people. Because this world is hard and things tend to stick a little bit more as we get older. People need people to talk to.  Why live in silos, I wonder as I work at a table beside Chris and my brother. I need people, at least this much is clear. 

People need people. So what stops us from seeking counsel?  For me, the biggest barrier is money. Therapy is expensive!

As I thought about this, I decided I wanted to make my coaching sessions more accessible for more 20-somethings. So, this month, I'm offering deeply discounted sessions. I feel convicted that there are probably a lot of you that have a few things on your mind, but price is a barrier to entry for booking. 

With that in mind, any sessions booked and completed in January will be $45 instead of $75. It's a new year and I think we all deserve to have a fresh start - price need not slow us down when it comes to making big decisions. 

You can book a session here or email me with questions. 

Happy Friday!

You Don't Need Any Resolutions This Year

What if we started doing with New Month Resolutions, to try to make our relationship better?  We could just commit to things one month at a time, getting better little by little, I asked him while holding back tears. I was fully aware, even in the moment, how pitiful I sounded. I could hear the desperation in my voice as I tried to hold on to the last little bits of good in our relationship. I could feel myself begging, pleading. Why couldn't we make this work? Why is this so hard? I knew we could be better than this. 

I used to be obsessed with resolutions. I rejoiced each January at the thought of a fresh start, a whole new year ahead to make big changes. I even grabbed on to resolutions in the face of a crumbling relationship, convincing myself that if I could just be a little better, we would be a little better. 

This year, though, I'm finding myself averse to resolutions. Goal setting? I'm all for it. Let's do it. But resolutions? They feel like a ploy. Like someone, somewhere is trying to convince me that if I resolve a little more and try a little harder, I'd have more control of my life. Telling me that things will be better if I could just be a little better. 

It's the little voice inside your head telling you that you'd be happier if you finally lost those last 10 pounds.

It's the quiet voice telling you your life would feel complete if you had a boyfriend.

It's the quiet hum trying to convince you that you'd be enough if you could just be the runner you used to be.

It's the buzzing in your head, telling you to quit sugar this month. Then you'd be all set! 

It's the feeling that washes over you, convincing you that if you could do everything (or anything!) better, your life would be better. 

But that voice lies.

Actionable, measurable goals are good. But resolutions can't fill the holes that are empty in our lives. They can't make us complete or change our hearts. Making more trips to the gym each week or reading more books each month won't soothe the pain we often feel.

I find myself wanting to dig deeper this year. If I feel like I need to resolve something so badly, what am I trying to fix? And what is holding me back in the first place? Why am I trying to change that part of myself? Is it something I really need to change?  

I saw on Instagram that Brené Brown asks herself these four questions at the end of each year:

1. What do I want more of in my life?
2. How do I let go of what’s no longer serving me?
3. What will make me feel more alive? Braver?
4. At the end of every day and at the end of every year, I need to know that I contributed more than I criticized. How have I contributed and what will that look like moving forward?

I thought about her questions yesterday as I reflected on the year. I thought about how I feel like I always, always want more time with Chris. As I debated taking on some freelance work this week to have a little more income, I filtered the decision through Brené's questions. What do I want more, I wondered. More time with Chris or more money? 

I thought about how Chris encouraged me not to take on freelance work just yet, certain I can see more growth in coaching and The Letter Project. I realized he already knew what I didn't: that pursuing these dreams (the ones I left my job for!), make me feel more alive than any dollars in my bank account do.

I thought about how there are a few friendships I think I might be white knuckling, begging them not to change. I find myself unable to trust that some relationships are for a season and it's OK if we have to loosen our grips a bit as they transition. Am I holding on to things that are no longer serving me? I wondered.

I thought about the places in life where it's easy to sit back and criticize, rather than contribute. I wondered if, every time I felt like criticizing or complaining, I offered to help, instead. What it would do to my heart? Would I feel lighter and more joyful? Would I still want to criticize?

I thought about her questions all day and realized they'd made me dig deeper and understand more than any list of resolutions could I have. 

As I use this week to set my own goals for the year, I'm trying to aim for actionable, measurable items. I'm trying to make a list that is not about being better or being different, but instead about using my skills and gifts to contribute to the world in the best way I know how. I'm making a list that is less about changing who I am and more about offering the best of myself to the people I love.

Let us be inspired by the fresh start. Let us dream big dreams, make wild plans and set achievable goals. But let us not buy into the lies that we need to do better or be better. Let us not grasp on to resolutions like they are our Savior, able to fill the depths of our hearts or solve our problems. 

Let us remember, even as we make lists for this new year, that we are already enough, just as we are.