On Resolving Conflict Respectfully

I have mentioned before that if Brené Brown were a college course, I'd have been a double major. Chris and I are both huge fans and, to be honest, her work has changed our relationship for the better. We like to think of ourselves as BB Scholars :) 

One of the tactics we learned from her book, Rising Strong, is the concept of "telling yourself a story." It's a move we employ to navigate conflict, which can be used in any relationship, not just romantic ones. I recently used it when I was feeling jealous of a friend and thought I'd share it with you! Here's how it works:

Imagine it's Wednesday night and I ask Chris if he wants to hang out with my friends on Friday. He replies "sounds good" without a ton of enthusiasm. 

Throughout the next day, I find myself slightly annoyed of him, but don't know why. He's not doing anything to warrant this, what's my problem? I wonder. I think back to when I started feeling frustrated and realize it's when he didn't seem very enthusiastic about seeing my friends. Without realizing it, I had told myself a story that he didn't want to be with my friends. Did he even like them!? 

At this point, I tell Chris that I'm telling myself a story about his feelings toward my friends. I'm afraid he doesn't think those relationships matter.

This gives him the opportunity to tell me:

1. I'm sorry. I was doing work when you asked - that's why I was distracted. It isn't about your friends at all. I'd love to see them!
   or
2. Actually, we haven't seen my friends in weeks. When you asked if we could hang out with your friends again, I told myself a story that you don't want to spend time with my friends. I was afraid you were forgetting how important they were to me.  

It gives us a safe avenue to acknowledge where we might be blowing things out of proportion in our minds, while also expressing vulnerability as we say: here's what I'm worried about, can you meet me there?  

I highly recommend testing out the technique, as well as reading Rising Strong! 

On Comfort Zones & Self Care

I recently spent a week in Indiana. It was just two weeks after moving to Virginia and saying goodbye to Chris. After spending 14 days in a new state, where the majority of the faces and places are unfamiliar, my brain was overloaded by the familiarity of my hometown. 

One morning, I visited the park where I ran cross country for seven years. I set out to run the old high school loop, sure I'd remember the route. As I pounded down the ramp into the park, I couldn't believe how weathered it was. I remember when the bridge wasn't in existence -  just a big hill we'd climb. Now the ramp looks to be a few years shy of replacement.

As I ran the trail, I noticed how familiar it was; the creek still runs alongside the dirt path, the same deep tree roots threaten to catch your foot if you aren't careful. I was overwhelmed by the comfort and safety of a familiar place - of home. 

Throughout the week, I ran into childhood friends and ate at my old favorite restaurants. I drove down the same streets that I'd walked and run down hundreds of times as a child. The sweet houses had been updated, but felt familiar. The big Oak trees still begged to be climbed. 

I noticed how good it felt to be home. The familiarity was soothing and put me at ease.

As I went throughout the week, I realized how important it is for us to know what puts our souls at ease. Recognizing how and when to find comfort is one of the greatest ways we can practice self-care. It shows maturity and self-respect when we take steps to put it into place. 

I believe, deeply, in getting outside of our familiar spaces. I am confident in our move to Virginia and certain that, in a few months, it won't feel unfamiliar. I don't believe we are meant to stay within our comfort zones forever, no matter how comfortable they are. The things that challenge us change us and I'm so grateful to begin this new season of growth.

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As we continue to make Virginia home over the coming months, I'm grateful to be reminded that, on the days when the unfamiliar feels overwhelming, a little self-care goes a long way. And when you really need a dose of familiar, you can always, always return home. 

On Appreciating the Mundane

Due to a series of events that were beyond our control, Chris and I have spent the last three weeks apart. He's in Atlanta, finishing up work, while I'm in Virginia, beginning our new journey. He'll join me in early November, which means, for the first time ever, we're in a long distance relationship. 

I recently went back to Atlanta for events for The Letter Project, which was ideal because we spent an entire week together. As we went about our routine - cooking dinner, waking up to our alarm, going to the gym - I couldn't believe how good it felt to do life with him. The most mundane activities, like making a grocery list, suddenly felt like a party. Coming home at night after a long day of work felt like a reunion each time - the highlight of my day. 

The week reminded me, in the truest sense, to be more grateful for our daily routine. In our Instagram world, where it seems like everybody is taking trips abroad and going to events - it can be easy to feel like life should be exciting. I'm reminded now that the best moments - the truest slivers of life - happen most often on regular days.

Trips and parties and confetti are nice. But nights spent making butternut squash and eating Halo Top from the carton are pretty amazing, too. 

You Are Never a Failure

Guys,

I fell off the blog wagon (the blagon?). Life got so busy between our move, The Day of the Girl events and fundraiser and so many other things, I just stopped blogging. I haven't missed a day since I quit my job (even while we were in Kenya!) and, as the first day went by, I felt like a total failure. Each day passed and it kept feeling more and more impossible to pull a post together. 

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The entire experience reminded me of three things:

• You (a human) are never a failure. Even on the days when it feels like we're failing at everything, we are whole. We are alive. We are worthy of the space we take up on this earth. Our output does not dictate our worth - whether it's blogging, our job, exercise, what we eat, etc. We are worthy of love and belonging on good days and horrible days and all of the days in between.
• Grace is everything. So, today you didn't do what you said you'd do? Your to do list is 100 miles long and you can't get a handle on it? That's OK. Take a deep breath. Trust that you are doing your very best. Organize your purse. Make a plan for tomorrow. Let today be enough. Make like Elsa and let it go.
• You can always begin again. So you haven't blogged in a month? Or exercised in a year? You haven't called your old best friend and now the days that have passed feel like an insurmountable cavern? They're not. Take a baby step. Write a short post. Go for a one mile run. Send her a text to tell her you miss her. Take the little step that will help you begin the long journey ahead.

Amid my very own mess and chaos,
Whitney