Pick Someone Who Is Gentle & Kind

It was a little over a year ago that Chris and I were in Kenya for a month. As March passed this year, I kept thinking of what we were doing each day, one year ago.

There was the part of the trip when we were in our rural village, walking each day to garden, Kenyan kids chasing after us as my long skirt dragged and our Tevas kicked up red dirt. 

Then there was the part of our trip when we were on a safari. I'll never forget arriving at that resort. We must have looked like such a mess compared to the other vacationers! It's a high-end lodge, but we were able to stay there due to their amazing volunteer discount. Everyone was dressed to the nines in safari clothes and we rolled up in our volunteer gear after three weeks of using a bucket of water to shower. Juice, coffee, mimosa? They offered us upon arrival. Yes, please, all three! We probably acted like we hadn't had a proper meal in weeks. (In our defense, we hadn't!)

Then, of course, there was the last part of our trip when I was in the hospital. I'll never forget lying on the metal bed after being admitted. Doctors rushed all around me speaking in Swahili as I shook from the fever, even though the non-air conditioned, windowless room must have been at least 85 degrees. I remember feeling so scared because they wouldn't let Chris back with me. Before they could figure out what was wrong, when we were worried it was something really severe, I remember thinking there was no way I would allow myself to die alone on a table in in Kenya. 

I also thought about how embarrassed I was that Chris was seeing me so sick. We'd been married a little over nine months and I had absolutely no bowel control. I was throwing up so much I could barely sit up in time to hit the bucket. I cannot imagine what I looked like as my stomach emptied itself from both directions and I cried about being scared and just wanting to go home. These are not the moments you picture when you take your vows. 

(the last day before we went HOME!)

I was thinking about that recently and realized there are a lot of reasons Chris and I work as a couple - and a million reasons I'm grateful I got to marry him. But the thing that matters the most, when you're in the thick of it, is gentility. I can't imagine how different our hospital experience would have looked if he hadn't been so kind, so careful, as he updated my family and tended to my needs.

If you're the stage of life when you're choosing a husband, I can't tell you enough to pick someone who is kind, patient and gentle. Pick someone who will be by your side no matter how terribly disastrous you look and feel. Pick someone who will rub your back and tell you you're beautiful, with so much conviction you actually forget you have vomit on your hospital gown. Pick someone who is kind, time and time again and I promise you will never regret it.

34-Weeks Pregnant

We've got six weeks until Baby Sax's due date! It feels so close. Yet I can't believe we still have another 42 days. Where is this baby gonna go?  Here's a little Monday update for you.

Maternity clothes? Definitely. A Pea in the Pod 30% off sales have been my friend. I just got a pair of jean shorts for $29 that are going to get me over the finish line. I'm still cramming into my regular workout clothes and I fear it's become a bit inappropriate. They're quite tight and in order to cover the entire bump, the top has to be pulled down pretty low. I feel like I'm giving a bit of a show at the gym!

Sleep: Very hit or miss. Some nights I go to the bathroom four times. Yikes! I also find myself pretty restless. I've been told to consider it preparation for minimal sleep during the early days of motherhood. 

Best moment this week: Our baby shower! We have had three in a row over the last few weekends and they have been so very happy. I feel so grateful for friends who have showered this button with love.

Movement: Oh heck yes! It's incredible how much you can see it move.

Food cravings:  Citrus, vinegar and more vinegar. And salt and vinegar chips. :) 

Food Aversions: The only things I really don't still want are chicken and greasy food. Otherwise, I've mostly leveled out!

Gender: We don't know! I was so sure it was a boy for a while. Then I thought girl. And now I've given up trying to guess. 

Labor Signs:  Nope, nope.

Pregnancy Symptoms:  I'm having a good bit of rib pain and indigestion. But I feel grateful because this has really been the worst of it and I know a lot of women have it much worse.

Belly Button in or out? In! But flat.

What I miss: Sushi! And rosé!

What I am looking forward to: Finding out the gender.

Happy Monday!

So You Want to Buy a Fiddle Fig?

For our one year anniversary, Chris wanted concert tickets and I wanted a plant. I think it's obvious which one of us is more fun :) 

After seeing fiddle-leaf figs all over the blogosphere, I'd fallen in love. Those big, beautiful leaves just looked like they'd purify our air and make all of my plant dreams come true! Little did I know, I was taking on far more responsibility than I realized. These things aren't hearty succulents, my friends. They are finicky!

But that hasn't stopped me from totally falling in love with Fiddle Fig Newton. He's part of the family now and we've gotten his care down to a science. It's been almost a year since we adopted him and I think he's grown almost a foot! I thought I'd share a few things that would be good to know before investing in one.

Plant websites often rate the fiddle-leaf fig as an "easy" plant to manage. What I've learned is this: they are easy to maintain, but only once you figure out your plant's specific needs.

So here's how you learn to care for your very own fiddle-leaf fig: 

1. This is not a one-size-fits-all plant. Every fiddle fig is different.

At first you will basically need to treat it like a child. Get to know it. Observe how it responds to various types of care. Recognize it may have different needs than your neighbor's fig tree.

Not even kidding. My old roommate, Melly, and I both had fig trees in our duplex. This meant they got similar amounts of light all day long. Yet, they needed totally different care. My sister's fig tree? Super low maintenance. Mine, on the other hand, behaves like an a-list celeb with all its needs. 

2. Try different things and pay attention. 

It took me a long time to figure out how much water Newt needs. It turns out, his leaves look best if we put him in the shower every 10-12 days for about 15 minutes and run warm water over him. Apparently this is not uncommon for fiddle figs, because it feels most similar to a natural rain shower. In the warm seasons, if a rain shower is coming, we will put him outside instead of the shower. 

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Some people say their fig tree needs one or two cups of water each week. This is worth trying, too! 

Your plant will tell you if you're overwatering, though, based on dropping its leaves. I've learned that if it drops a brown leaf, it's too dry. If it drops a yellow leaf, it is too moist.

3. They do not like change.

Our fig tree goes into a small depression when we move him around the house. He likes to stay in the same spot, with a good amount of sunlight. Minimize how often you relocate your plant. 

4. Their home matters to them. 

As your tree grows, watch its roots. If they become exposed, it's time to re-home your plant. However, they prefer to be replanted in the spring and for the pot size to increase by only one to three inches at a time. We are getting ready to replant Newt in just a few weeks. 

Also, it has to have drainage, so be sure that your pot has a hole in it. When you see design magazines with fig trees in a basket, it likely has some sort of drainage within it - the soil isn't directly placed in the basket. 

5. The little things make a big difference. 

They like their leaves dusted. They like to be in front of an open window when it's balmy spring weather, but they don't like to be near a vent. They prefer a humid environment; if it's dry, they'll drop their leaves. Too much light and they'll get a sunburn. 

Your plant will have a lot of preferences, but, as you get to know it, your fiddle fig will become easier and easier to care for. Before you know it, you'll find yourself saying things like "plants are people too!" and then having to check yourself :) 

Happy Friday!

You Can Do Hard Things.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was seeing an OB in Atlanta. Eight weeks into my pregnancy, we moved to Charlottesville, so I found a doctor here. Four weeks later, I decided it wasn't quite the right fit, so I found a new practice again. By the end of the first trimester, I was on my third OB and feeling a little bit like the Princess & the Pea. 

For my first appointment with my third doctor, I wanted to arrive early. I mapped to the office, but, as I pulled up, realized I had selected the wrong location. I called them, panicked, telling them I'd be a few minutes late, as opposed to the preferred 15-minutes early. I arrived a little scattered and asked if I could use the restroom before the appointment (I know, I know.). They said yes, but asked for a urine sample. After consuming 32 ounces of water on my drive to the office, this would not be a problem.

I rushed to the restroom and filled the cup, placing it next to the toilet. A moment later, as I grabbed toilet paper, the roll fell off the hook and knocked over my urine sample. Every last drop spilled all over the floor, spreading quick across the room - the way liquid does so magically on tile surfaces.

I was mortified. And there was no way I could switch OBs again after my long journey to find this one! :) I told the woman at the front desk and she, along with all of the other receptionists, had a nice long laugh.

I like to think I made a lasting impression? 

I tell you this because sometimes - especially during seasons of change - life can feel a lot like my office experience. You're doing your best, trying to make everything work and yet, despite your efforts, things keep going just a little awry. Not horribly wrong. Just a little off kilter all of the time, requiring a lot of adjusting, patience and focus.

I felt a lot like this in my early 20s and have learned from friends that motherhood can be very similar. You're doing your best, but the learning curve is so steep. How can you possibly expect yourself to get it right every time? These seasons require massive amounts of grace and patience for ourselves. 

During these early days in Charlottesville, some moments have felt this way for us. We made a lot of major changes at once - new city, new house, new baby, new church, new friends, new clients for Chris - it's only natural for there to be some bumps along the way.

Some days, life feels like it takes a lot more effort than it did in Atlanta. We have to be more positive, flexible, patient and focused, just to navigate a typical day. And, some days, even with all that effort, it still feels like we're not quite getting the hang of it. 

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One of our family mottos (which we learned from the amazing Brené Brown) is that we don't want to live for the quick and easy, regardless of how often our world tells us we deserve instant gratification. We want to create lives that are abundant and honest and true. Doing this requires trusting that the best things are hard-earned and long-awaited. It requires being unafraid of real work, difficult conversations and tough decisions. It requires more grit than we sometimes feel we have - being willing to hang in there just a little longer than expected before things fall into place.

But we must also remember: when we're doing hard things, we have to give ourselves - and one another - extra doses of grace and patience. We have to be gentle with ourselves. We have to understand that, sometimes, you're going to spill the urine everywhere. And what do you do when that happens? You clean it up. You laugh it off. And you begin again.