Five Things Friday

Friday, Friday! I’m so excited for this weekend. We have friends in town to run a 10-mile race with us. I haven’t prepared a ton for the race, but feel excited for it.

Eight years ago, it would be a race I wouldn’t have trained for and would have been a ton faster than I will be this weekend. But, I suppose that is one of the casualties of more balance when it comes to exercise, giving myself grace and listening to my body. Nobody said intuitive exercise would make you faster :)

Here are a few of my favorite things lately:

Listening: Over My Dead Body. It’s not exactly a mood lifter, but it has been an amazing way to pass the time on my runs.

Reading: Educated. Oh my goooodness I understand the hype around this book. It is fascinating! I love memoir so much. I highly recommend it.

Eating: Granola. Constantly. I found this recipe to build your own granola and have been experimenting with different ways. My favorite combination has been oats, cinnamon, salt, walnuts, pepitas, dried apricot, olive oil and just a tiny bit of maple syrup. I am going to try adding hemp to the next batch.

Baking: Ambitious Kitchen’s Flourless Peanut Butter Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies. YUM. So good.

Praying: For eyes to see people how the Lord does. I cannot tell you how much it has softened my heart to pray these words in the morning. I noticed my thoughts were becoming more judgmental and this change has really helped.

You Don't Have to Explain Yourself

We are pretty regimented when it comes to Mac’s schedule. When he was still learning to sleep, in fact, we had things down to the minute each day. He’d eat lunch at 12 and we’d start the nap routine at 12:35 to have him in his crib at 12:50 for a 1 p.m. nap. Each day was the same. Chris and I thrive on routine and, it seems, so does he. The schedule, which would probably stress some other parents out, worked for us.

Before I had him, I honestly didn’t know what kind of mom I’d be when it came to his routine. Would he nap on-the-go the entire first year? How long would he stay in our room? How long would he sleep on me? Would we watch his cues each day, or suggest a schedule?

I had no idea. And honestly? I didn’t know there were so many choices to make. Or so many subsequent opinions. I kind of thought you’d just figure it out as you go. But there I was, with a nine-week-old who would only sleep on my chest during the day, and who wouldn’t sleep more than 2.5 hours at night. We were gearing up for Chris to start three months of weekly travel. I was tired and worried I’d never be able to get anything done again.

I’ll never forget crying to my mom about how Mac had only slept nine hours in a 24-hour window, worrying he was going to struggle, developmentally, from lack of sleep. (She assured me he would not!)

I remember sitting on the floor one day, reading an Insta post on Taking Cara Babies. She asked moms to share their best sleep tips. I cried as I scrolled through the answers, thinking none of this worked for us! I will never sleep again! So eventually, we sleep trained our babe and introduced a schedule. Now he loves his crib and his best friend, Lambie. Being scheduled means Daylight Savings kicks our buns and I get a little nervous when I travel to different time zones. But when it comes to the daily, having an agenda suits our family.

Those first few weeks of having a schedule, I felt compelled to explain myself constantly to other moms. Explaining why we were being more rigid, why we were letting him cry and just how little sleep we were getting before we’d made the change. I also found myself explaining why we decided to vaccinate, introduce solids early - at four months, and switch him from swaddle to sleep sack at nine weeks. I was in constant defend-and-explain mode. I didn’t feel confident in what I was doing and was worried other moms were watching, judging.

Then it hit me one day: nobody was asking me to explain myself. They were just asking me about my son. And, if they did have an opinion about what we’d done, it really didn’t matter. The only thing that matters is what works best for each baby and each family.

We’re 10 months in now and I’m more confident in my decision making. I didn’t over-explain when I gave him ibuprofen last week, though, to be fair, the three teeth he cut in 72 hours did the talking for me. We know each other better, now, too.

I’ve also come to learn that my defensiveness was less about the people asking and more about my own insecurities.

I know there are hundreds of days ahead that will be filled with self-doubt, worry and seeking counsel from other women. These baby days are short and I can’t imagine the questions I’ll have when it comes to things like picking his school, friendships and navigating his teen years.

I understand, now, that we learn as we go and will never have all of the answers. We do the best we can each day, with the information we have.

When it comes to motherhood, that’s the very best you can do.

Things I Love Today

Happy March! It is practically spring! I told you I’ve been consuming a lot of goodness lately. Why not share!?

1. This remix Amy Grant did with Tori Kelley. Hello, childhood :)

2. Maggie Rogers album: Heard it in a Past life. It’s perfect for working.

3. Parsley Health’s read seed cycling for hormonal balance. I’m fascinated by the concept of eating certain foods to boost fertility and had not heard about this idea. I once read that an avocado a day boosts fertility and I was officially on board with the entire concept.

4. The Dropout podcast. We listened to six episodes on our Charleston road trip. We were both so sad when we reached the end! I cannot wait to listen to this week’s episode.

5. Driftaway Coffee (this link takes you to a free coffee kit, which gives me one, too!). I got Chris a coffee subscription for Christmas, and we are loving it. He got to create a coffee profile, and now they mail him a batch each month. It’s like a present every few weeks! It has been a fun way to try new brews.

6. These pumpkin carrot muffins. I substituted peanut butter for honey to make them for McCoy and he looooves them. As do I!

7. Madewell’s Apron Bow-Back Jumpsuit. I wore this to a wedding last weekend and absolutely loved it. It was so fun for dancing! And for eating rice krispie treats :)

8. Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine. I’m on the fence about this right now, but I’ve been told to push through. Has anyone else read it?

9. I am the Spouse with the Short Fuse. “He puts Disney villain stamps on our correspondence with the IRS.”

10. This quote: “None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an after-thought. Eat the delicious food. Walk in the sunshine. Jump in the ocean. Say the truth that you’re carrying in your heart like hidden treasure. Be silly. Be kind. Be weird. There’s no time for anything else.” — Nanea Hoffman

Nothing Lasts Forever

My sweet intern for The Letter Project told me she doesn’t look at Instagram often. When she is consuming a lot of other people’s creative work, but not producing her own, it puts her in a weird emotional place.

Lately, I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts, music, checking my email and - to be honest - scrolling through Instagram while I breastfeed. It’s too much. I have so little creative energy and, when she explained her own feelings, I realized I was the same way. I just didn’t know it before she said it.

It’s like I’m on the sidelines, obsessively watching the game, but afraid to jump in and play.

About 10 weeks after Mac was born, when I started to hit my stride with early motherhood (and he started sleeping), I had so much creative energy. I would call my sisters weekly with new business ideas. Here we are, almost 10 months in, and I have no idea where the creativity has gone.

I found myself worried, a few days ago, that I would feel this way forever. But then I remembered one of life’s biggest truths: it’s all about seasons.

Some seasons are for creating. Some are for consuming. Some are for waiting; still others are for hustle. Some are for leading and others are for following. Some for singleness, others togetherness. Growth and stillness. Rest and harvest.

Nothing lasts forever - neither the good nor the bad. I’m remembering, today, that it’s about finding joy in each one and being grateful for the present.

Right now, I’m in a quiet season. One of consuming and learning. Less sharing. I guess, I’m learning how to swim in this new space of motherhood. If you feel like you’re in an unknown season, or perhaps a stuck one, remember, it won’t last forever. Keep going. Press on. Take it one step at a time. I believe in you.