Years ago, I wrote myself an email with notes I took during a sermon on rest:
I don’t want to swirl with the environment around me – I want to learn to find rest and calm on my own. The this and that never end – we cannot wait for our environment to calm, when, in fact, our rest has nothing to do with the environment around us, but instead, is contingent upon the Lord within us. In quiet you will find wholeness.
There is an inevitability for chaos during certain times in our lives. Some seasons call for constant movement, planning, input and output. With our wedding just 4.5 months away (!) and Project to Love Ourselves in an infant, high-touch phase, this season feels busy. There is natural chaos that is not only unavoidable, but sought after by me. I find myself constantly looking at weddings on Pinterest and reading articles about developing girls. I yearn to buy new clothes for my bachelorette party and honeymoon.
I continually seek more & more input as I try to create more & more output.
But, I'm learning this year that the more I take in and the less stillness I have in my life, the more my creativity is stifled. I've come here, to my blog, many times this new year. And yet, I can't find myself inspired. I have half posts written that I can't bring to completion. I have ideas swirling in my head I can't articulate. My words aren't as smooth as usual - stuck inside my brain, no analogies or descriptors coming.
Now, I feel myself called to stillness. My soul yearns for simplicity. My mind cries out for quiet.
This morning, I felt frustrated at yoga. I'd been looking forward to this hard, hot, reflective class for days. And yet, I couldn't get there mentally. I felt distracted and scattered. My mind moved from task to task, unable to focus on my breath or prayer. After 60 minutes, I felt shocked it was almost over and guilty that my mind was still racing.
I need to create more white space this month. There can still be chaos and busy. There can still be movement. But, in the moments where I can find stillness, I will choose it. I will allow for slower quiet times in the morning. I will read instead of streaming a show. I will opt for prayer instead of a podcast from time to time. I will savor the small moments of stillness when they are presented to me, instead of filling them with Instagram and email.
Perhaps you're in a similar season. Perhaps you're hitting the ground running this new year - with refreshed goals and rejuvenated heart. Maybe you're in the same place as me: this beautiful, chaotic life won't slow down and you don't necessarily want it to.
May your next few weeks be filled with stillness where you can find it. May you savor the little moments of quiet and go hard in the busy ones. May the Lord fill you with stillness when you need it, and keep you going in the right direction when you're meant to move.
Happy Wednesday, friends.