Have you ever been eating breakfast while planning your lunch? And maybe your dinner, too? The act of constantly looking ahead is so inherent in our human nature that it often feels inevitable; we're in the midst of one thing asking: what is next? Always looking on to the bigger and better.
Metaphorically speaking, lately I've been eating my favorite cereal while thinking about a sandwich for lunch, salad for dinner and ice cream for dessert.
More literally, this season has been one of my favorites so far, yet I'm having a hard time feeling settled. There is a lot of uncertainty, with change on the horizon in major areas of my life (will blog more about that soon!). It feels like there are far more questions than answers and it's making me feel scattered and anxious.
I have so many goals, dreams and hopes for what the next season of life will look like, yet there is a constant voice telling me: Wait. Slow down.
It's telling me to hold on one second and enjoy the moment. To savor the last few months living with Melly and Duke in our little rental. Not to be so worried about growing Instagram followers or blog numbers and to keep doing what I love to do: talking to 20 somethings & women about why life can be harder than we expected, but it's OK because we're in it together.
Part of me is itching for an adventure while another part of me is yearning to put down roots, wondering when I might be able to exercise my Pinterest house board. There is a palpable tension - a simultaneous pressing of the gas pedal and brake. It is frustrating and exhilarating all at once.
And what I'm learning is that's sort of what being an adult looks like. It's the good mixed with the bad, the fast mixed with the slow and the pain mixed with the joy. It's my heart overflowing with gratitude and glee as I marry Chris, with a little bit of ache as I say goodbye to this sweet, finite season.
It's about living with our hands open, not closed. It's about the process and the middle, not just the end. It's about knowing that everything on this earth is temporary and the best thing we can do is enjoy the right now, be grateful for what we have and love one another the best we can.
So, that's what being an adult looks like from my 29-don't-really-feel-like-an-adult vantage point.