Why We Shouldn't Process Our Feelings Online

Thank you so much to everyone who took my feedback survey last week! You were all so kind and generous with your thoughts and I am incredibly grateful for you. Congrats to Amy C. for winning the Valerian Vines gift card, too! 

A question a handful of you asked in your feedback was this: 

Why do you tell us about things that happened a few years ago, as opposed to telling us about your current struggles?

For example, why am I blogging about being single, when I'm married? Why am I blogging about how hard it was to move to Atlanta, when I'm moving to a new city next month? 

I hear you. I would wonder the same thing. I have wondered it, in fact!

What I've learned is that the internet is not the right place for me to process my feelings. For others, it might be. For me, it is best is to process things in real time with friends and family. 

My intent is not to provide only curated vulnerability or present a buttoned-up version of my current life.

I truly hope it never seems this way. I aim to be as raw and honest as I can be. 

But, in the past, when I've made the mistake of processing something online, I've learned that I'm not ready for feedback. You see, if I were to do that, I'd be looking for you to validate my feelings. And if we are still in a mindset where we need validation, the internet is not a safe place to process.

Because people aren't always kind behind the protection of the computer. People are bolder online. They say things they would not be brave enough to say to your face, often protected by anonymity. 

When it comes to the more tender topics of life, negative feedback sticks in my brain. It rattles around like a foosball stuck under the table - just out of reach, yet omnipresent. Because our marriage is a baby (it's only a one-year-old!), I want to protect it fiercely from that rattling ball. I want to treat it with the utmost importance. 

When we share vulnerable things online, we often receive instant feedback and engagement. It's too easy to get addicted to this high and, if we aren't careful, the online connection becomes more enticing than the face-to-face connection.

Instant likes start to feel better than real-life love.
Comments on our posts become more appealing than in-person conversations.
Engaging behind a screen becomes easier than making eye contact. 
An active Facebook thread holds our attention longer than our family does over dinner. 

Exposing tender, personal topics of our lives often produces more viral and engaging content. But I don't want to sacrifice the sanctity of my marriage for the shareability of my blog. 

So, this is why I tend to process the more tender topics offline before sharing my insight. I sincerely hope this post has not come off as defensive and, instead, can shine a little bit of light on the question many of you asked. As always, thank you again for reading my blog. I truly cannot tell you how much it means to me!