Have you ever felt all out jealous of someone else? The kind of jealousy where you can't even handle hearing about how great things are going for them? The kind where their victories almost feel like your loss, even though you logically know it won't impact your outcome at all?
It's the kind of jealousy that makes you feel like an icky person. Compound it with the fact that this degree of jealousy is almost always reserved for our loved ones and it's basically like asking for an emotional meltdown.
I've been there. I've felt jealousy that seeps into your bones. It makes you almost not even want to talk to that person because you can't fake it anymore. You just kind of want to cry out I want that for meeeee, tantruming like a kid on the playground.
It's followed, of course, by guilt. Because it's not that you don't want it for the other person. You want good things for them! You love them! You just want it, too.
It creates a whole web of tangly emotions and, if you're like me and have felt these icky feelings of jealousy before, I wanted to share a few things that have helped me cope with it along the way.
First: know, trust and believe that you are not a bad person. Everyone feels jealous sometimes. It's not bad, in and of itself, to feel this way. It's what you do with it that matters.
So what do you do with it?
1. Tell someone.
First of all, tell someone you love and trust, who won't judge you. Your sister, your mom, you best friend, your significant other. Tell them the truth: I feel like a bad person for saying this. But I feel so jealous of Sarah. And I feel so guilty! And I'm happy for her - I really am. But I just can't help wishing I could have that, too.
I promise you, the minute you get it off your chest, you'll feel better. And there's a good chance your friend will totally understand. She might even be struggling with the same thing.
2. Practice gratitude.
Second of all, count the fruit in your own life. I know! I know! It sounds Pollyanna. But it's going to make you feel better. Think through all of the things you have to be grateful for. Write them down, visualize them, let the goodness in your own life wash over you, sinking into your soul.
3. Remember there is enough to go around.
Remember, this is not a world of scarcity. There is enough good to go around. Your friend got engaged to the man of her dreams and you're just wrecked with jealousy? Unless you literally wanted to marry him, too (which: be honest, you probably did not because he's her lobster, not yours), this does not impact your chance of marrying the man of your own dreams.
Things working out for someone else does not mean they won't work out for you, as well. Don't buy into the lie of scarcity. Your time is coming, friend.
4. Remember: you love them.
Remind yourself why you're happy for them. You love them and you want their dreams to come true, too. Take a minute to remember this little bit of truth. This is not to make you feel guilty for feeling jealous, but just to reset your brain a little bit, nudging it to remember oooh yes I do want them to have their dreams, too.
5. Don't forget: you're not a bad person.
It's OK to want what someone else has. It's not OK to want to take it from them. You probably don't want to take it from them, you just want a piece of the pie for yourself. Stop beating yourself up, OK? Understand that it's normal to want what someone else has. Trust, in the deepest parts of your heart, that your time is coming and your life is unfolding as it should. Good things are headed your way, too.