irish this weekend wasn't over {st. pat's in chi}

During the last few years it has become a tradition for Katie, Sara and I to spend St. Patrick's Day together. Two years ago, they came to Atlanta for Lucky Fest and last year I went to Chicago. 

Although we'd all admit Atlanta is a touch warmer in March, Chicago wins for St. Patrick's Day. First of all, the city does it up much bigger. Second of all, there are about 57,000 people I love seeing in Chicago each year. And third of all, the cold is negated by how much warmth I feel being around all those people. 

So this year, I headed north and took Chris with me. It was our first time flying together (!) and I was beyond excited for him to meet so many of my friends that mean the world to me. 

Unfortunately, we were delayed Friday so we didn't get in until around 11. We had a late, late dinner and crashed into bed. We were up early the next day for Katie's (amazing) hot yoga class. It was incredibly hard and just what we needed to start our Saturday.

After that, we went to Protein Bar for breakfast. Chris (OK and I) have a large obsession with (1) protein and (2) eating healthily in large quantities. We were both on cloud nine with the good, hard workout follow by lots of healthy foods. The Wrigley Peel smoothie blew my mind. Banana + peanut butter. Need I say more?

After that, we got ready for the day with simultaneous coffee and mimosas. I told you Chicago does it right. 

We headed over to our friend, Austin's, house for his annual St. Pat's party.

Then went to Homeslice for pizza. And visited a new bar in Lincoln Park called Fairways.

And the best part of starting the day early? Early to bed! 

Does that make me old? 

Sunday, Chris and I went to breakfast with my IU crew at Meli and saw my dear friend Jamie's new place that she bought (rockstar) and headed to the airport.

As always, it was a total whirlwind and after we sprinted to our gate (typical), I landed in my seat and thought: back on the plane already!? we just got here!

Ah, my friends, it is never enough time. One of these days, I'm buying an island for all of us. Until then...I love you all. 

today i'm feeling...

...So thrilled that spring is upon us. The extra hour of daylight makes leaving work so happy! The warm sun, the cool breeze, the extra life in people all around me. Spring. The best! 

...Still on cloud nine from breakfast at Cafe Jonah yesterday with my friend Julianna. There's nothing like starting the day with friend time, especially at Jonah. It was a drizzly morning, and the cozy seats, good conversation and warm coffee felt just right. 

... Pumped for the weekend ahead: Chicago-bound for St. Patrick's Day! So excited to head home to the Midwest and see so many of my dearest friends.  (Chaos of last year captured below)

...Like I need to commit these tips for saving money at Whole Foods to memory. Always appreciate ways to save money when WF is calling my name. 

...Craving this Banana Mocha Smoothie. I don't like Nutella, but I think almond butter would work nicely too. Afternoon treat, anyone?

Happy Thursday! :)

on life after a breakup

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A friend of mine is going through a hard breakup right now. She feels broken and helpless - like she can't go on at all. I wish it weren't the case, but I think a lot of us have been there. 

I was 24 when I experienced deep, deep heartache. I'd moved to Atlanta for a boy I'd dated for years, only to find out, a few months later, he'd been cheating on me regularly. I'll never forget the way I felt when I found out - like I was standing still and the whole world was rushing by; crashing around me.

And I'll never forget the way I felt in the months afterward. My mom came down to Atlanta a few days later and I remember standing against the wall in my kitchen, watching her clean - not even attempting to help, as I was so low-energy after not having eaten or slept for five days - and I just slid to the ground sobbing - breaking. I can't believe this happened. I can't believe this happened. I kept saying to her. 

I remember thinking that I always thought it was called a breakup because the relationship was broken but, in actuality, it's because it has the capacity to utterly break you.

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And I tell you this not so you feel bad but so you understand that I get it. I understand what it's like to feel completely broken and not even know where to begin healing. I understand how helpless you can feel.

Because I was so new to Atlanta, unfortunately, he was my life. His friends were my friends and my social calendar revolved around him. For the following few months, I'd call my mom regularly, crying, and ask her if I was allowed to move home to Indiana. Every time she'd tell me: Of course. You can always move home. But do you really want to? 

And then we'd make the same plan, again and again, that I'd give it another day, week or month. That I'd wait until I wasn't so upset. That I wouldn't decide in the heat of the moment. 

And every next day, I wanted to stay. Because I wanted to be strong for myself. Atlanta used to be ours, but I wanted to make it mine. And so, I'd begin again. Trying a new activity or restaurant. Blatantly asking girls on dates, hoping someone would become my friend. Going to a yoga class, church and bible study alone. Not because I was lonely but because I knew I could do it. 

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I'd never wish a breakup on anyone. At all. But for those of you who can't escape it - who are in the depths of it - know that you are strong. Know that, if you let it, this period of life will shape you for the better. It will make you more confident, more sure of what you want and teach you that no matter what happens next, you can handle anything. 

This period of life will end. You will laugh again and mean it. You will fall asleep without thinking of him. You will wake up and not have to remember, each and every time, that you're no longer together. You will see him in public and not want to throw up. You will stop posting Instagram pictures of you smiling just so he sees how happy you are without him. Your life will stop revolving around him. 

And, know that whatever is coming next will be worth the wait. God's plan is the best thing and He can redeem anything - even the deepest heartache. So don't settle for good. Don't settle at all. Wait for the best thing. 

source

on happiness, joy and a lonely place

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Last week I was feeling a little weighed down; a little funky and disconnected from myself. And, what was most frustrating was that I couldn't quite place what was bothering me. I was constantly trying to put my finger on it - was it work, friendships, worry? I couldn't figure it out. 

It got me thinking about the way we sometimes place so much value on happiness (take 10 seconds to google "how to be happy" and you'll be blown away at how many ideas pop up) that we forget to embrace the in between. Happiness is, undoubtedly a lovely feeling that I want all the time, but it's just that - a feeling. And just as other feelings ebb and flow, so it does. 

I think we get so preoccupied with figuring out how to find happiness that we rush through the process. In reality, the hard parts of life - the times when we're sad, frustrated, stuck or, like I was, just a little blah - make us appreciate the really good times. And when we can accept the less ideal times - when we let go of wanting everything to be perfect all the time and embrace reality - is when we find real joy. It's when we stop seeking momentary satisfaction and make room for inward peace and contentment. 

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I recently heard a sermon about going to a lonely place and how we so often avoid lonely places for fear of how scary they feel. But every time I force myself to go to that lonely place - for example, the place when I have to sit with a negative emotion and can't simply explain it away - is when I'm reminded that God is still there; that I'm not really alone at all.

Last weekend when Chris and I were at Wade Hampton by ourselves Friday, I went for a run around the golf course. Mid-run I realized I was alone on the trail deep in the woods and, for some reason, just started dancing. For the next 20 minutes I danced solo on the fairway, golf path, stone ledge. It was a mix between the opening scene of The Sweetest Thing and Phoebe running. 

I danced, did round-offs, cartwheels and handstands, pretended I was on a balance beam...

If anyone saw me, they surely thought I'd (1) broken into the course and (2) had lost my marbles. 

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But I didn't care. I laughed (yes, by myself, at myself) and sweated probably far more than if I'd just been running. I jammed on repeat to my spring playlist on Spotify, and by that I basically mean Me & Julio Down by the Schoolyard and the last minute of Suite: Judy Blue Eyes.

I saw a huge flight of stairs from a distance and sprinted toward it, just so I could run up it and see the view. I lunged up hills and grapevined down. I skipped (for real. skipped). 

And it was lovely. It reminded me that sometimes I need to get out of the city, unplug completely, be by myself and stop racing to keep up on social media, with workouts and in my social life. Sometimes I need to stop consuming, instagramming and obsessing. Sometimes I need to let go, relax and just be. 

As it turns out, when I stopped trying to put a name to what was bothering me, I realized it didn't matter so much. When I stopped stressing about what it meant, it meant a whole lot less. In our lives, the highs and lows will continue to flow. But they don't own me or my joy. Because they're not for the taking.

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