25 free summer dates in atlanta

Happy day, friends! We're in this lovely little in between spring and summer phase in Atlanta, where the days hit the 90s, but the mornings are cool enough to drive to work with your windows down without even thinking about breaking a sweat. You can feel the city on the brink of summer - itching to break open into the 100s and become clothed in the thick layer of humidity.

But not yet!

Spring, sweet spring.

Chris and I decided that this month, we're taking on a challenge: 30 days of only free dates. Why? Well, we've spent a good bit of money lately with quite a few trips and weddings. And also? Because Atlanta has so much free stuff to do and the perfect time to take advantage of it is before it gets too hot.

Naturally, we have a few ground rules:
1. We are allowed to buy groceries to cook together
2. We are allowed to buy the froyo twice during the month. Because it's spring. And that's what you do in the spring.

The challenge began yesterday and will last until June 13. To make sure we don't just get lazy and cook dinner every night in yoga pants, I made a quick list of some things I hope we tackle:

{note a few of these places do sell things, so if you aren't on a total fast, I'd recommend buying a cup of coffee or drink :))

1. Bike (or drive) the Living Walls  - try to see them all
2. Go to the free coffee shop at the Goat Farm (though I do recommend tipping :))
3. Hike into the Bellwood Quarry
4. Play ping pong at Henry & June or Victory
5. Visit the Lilburn Hindu Temple

image via my friend megan :)

6. Peruse and {window} shop at all of the new, awesome places that have recently opened: Chrome Yellow, Young Blood, the little shops at Krog Street, etc.
7. Explore/relax by the dam at Lullwater
8. Hike Sweetwater
9. Brew up some {iced} coffee on a Sunday morning and drive Tuxedo Road
10. Check out books at the Atlanta library (or use the free e-books from APL), take them to a park and read under a tree

11. Picnic on the beach in Morningside Nature Preserve
12. Feed the ducks in Piedmont Park
13. Go to a Grady High School track meet with lawn chairs
14. Walk, bike, run or stroll the BeltLine. Stop in Paris on Ponce for free popsicles
15. Explore a new neighborhood on foot - whether its Cabbagetown, Decatur or Grant Park, get outside your comfort zone
16. Do a Saturday AM power session and try to hit as many farmers' markets as possible: Freedom, Grant Park, Westside (and so many more!)

image

17. String up some battery-operated lights in Candler Park and have a nighttime picnic
18. Go to Free Beer Friday at Diesel at 5:37
19. Grab a volleyball and play in Piedmont Park
20. Get free coffee at Dunkin Donuts the day after the Braves win (during the month of May)
21. Spend the afternoon gardening at Truly Living Well
22. Throw a frisbee in Chastain
23. Grab a blanket, drive out of the city (somewhere without big buildings - like Fairburn) and stargaze
24. Sit in the Adirondack chairs at the Chattahoochee Coffee Company and watch everyone float the river
25. Buy a bag of coffee at Dancing Goats (this is an essential grocery, right!?) and they give you a free drink. Make it a coffee date :)

So that's where you'll find us this month! Happy free dating!

How do you know if you should break up with someone?

I'll never forget a few years ago, I was sitting on my bedroom floor, scanning blogs, when I saw a post from 

Liz Denfeld

that was a response to a Q&A asking how to know if you should break up with someone. She said (I'm paraphrasing) that if you find yourself constantly wondering whether or not you should be with someone, then you probably shouldn't be. 

I remember her words carefully unfolding before my eyes - I was drinking them in in long, slow gulps that I didn't want to swallow. As I finished the post, I began to cry. I didn't want her words to resonate with me, but I couldn't ignore them. I felt trapped - too afraid to admit to my friends or family that I had major doubts. Too afraid of being unloyal to him and the relationship we'd built to even begin tugging at that thread. But I couldn't ignore how deeply her words resonated with me.

I have doubts,

I kept thinking over and over.

My boyfriend at the time was someone I had once felt so sure of, but I could feel the relationship falling apart. It was dying a very slow death and we were both holding onto the memories we'd shared, hoping for the little spark that was left to reignite.

I

didn't

want to hear the words in her post, because the very last thing I wanted was for it to be over. Someone very wise once told me that in bad relationships, women tend to lie down and take the bad or stand up and fight for the good. Very rarely do women walk away. 

Something my 20s has taught me, though, is that sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away.

But how do you know when?

I believe

deeply

that every relationship is different and there generally aren't rules everyone can follow. But, during my 28-years on this earth, there are a few rules I've grown to believe are pretty hard and fast.

When do you walk away from a relationship?

1. If you find yourself constantly questioning the relationship, it probably isn't right

. For me, stress manifests itself two ways: through my stomach and through my sleep. I would lie awake every night worrying about any issue - from how he treated me to our future and everything in between. I never felt peace. That kind of stress means something and if I'd tapped into it sooner, I could have saved myself from

a world of hurt

.

2. If you want the wedding more than the marriage

. Something I've used as a mental checkpoint in dating is asking myself this question: if I woke up tomorrow and was married - no wedding or ring or gifts - how would I feel? The dating and courting and engagement periods of life are really exciting. But what happens when it's over? Do you still want this marriage?

3. If you constantly fight

. I once read that couples that have the same arguing style do better in marriage. So if you're a silent stewer and he is too, or you're a screamer and he is, too, it can be healthy because you understand how one another expresses emotions. I tell you this because I want to normalize the fact that couples have arguments. You are two humans with different thoughts, feelings, emotions and histories. It's understandable that you won't agree on everything.

But

if you're constantly fighting over little things and big things and nothings, it's worth paying attention to.

4. If you don't find the other person attractive.

My mom always says that if you don't find someone attractive when the relationship is just starting, you probably won't a few months in either.

Do you want to kiss him?

I remember her asking me in college. And if I'd say,

no, but he's really nice...

 she'd kindly remind me that you gotta kiss your husband. That chemistry feeling - when your hands accidentally touch and your heart flips - will fade. As you grow old with someone, attraction will change - it will be less about the hand touching and more about an emotional connection. But, in the beginning, you have to want to kiss him. Physical attraction isn't the only thing, but it's something.

5. If you don't respect one another's feelings.

Chris and I have been talking a lot lately about the idea that, sometimes, I might feel hurt or sadness that he can't see or understand. But even though he can't see it, it still matters. And it's important that he tries to meet me in it. And vice versa. Because there are a lot of inputs in this world and the way something may hurt us won't always make sense to one another. But we have to respect each other's deepest, most vulnerable feelings. And if someone doesn't respect the way you feel, they aren't respecting you.

I know this topic is deeply emotional and can feel really confusing when you're in the thick of it. If you'd ever like to discuss further, please feel free to

email me

. 

let life overflow

When I was a senior in college, a lot of girls in my sorority lived out of the house - meaning they got their own apartments. I remember, at the time, I wanted to live in the house, but kept thinking about how I was really ready to cook for myself and decorate my own place.

When my friends and I were recently back in Bloomington for a bachelorette party, I told them that if I could, I'd tell all those juniors that are making the same decision: live in senior year. You have your whole life to live on your own. This is the last chance you'll have to live with so many of your friends. Enjoy the day parties and dancing on the sundeck in the afternoon. Soak up every late night chat with froyo and blaring music while getting ready together. Enjoy communal meals and showers and the constant togetherness that inevitably fades away when you no longer live with your best friends and have minimal commitments.

As I said it, I realized this advice - this attitude of enjoy-the-now - is just as applicable to my life today, too. In our 20s, it's so easy to want what the people around us have. As I watch my friends move in with boys, move to new cities, have babies or have the incredible joy of living near their families, it's easy to feel overcome by the wanting. It's easy to let it taint the right now.

But right now is really sweet. Are there hard days? Yes. Do I sometimes feel jealous of my friends who are on different tracks than me? Of course. It's natural. But, the older I get, the more I understand that we have to make a choice at some point between overflowing and emptiness. Are we going to decide that what we have is enough - that life is overflowing - and get as much joy out of it as possible? Or are we going to always look at it as though it is not enough - that is is empty?

It got me thinking about life right now and that I really want to remember this phase. I want to soak it in so that in a few years I don't forget how great it is. Because life today is sweet. The days are long and warm and the nights are restful and balmy. Evenings are marked by walks with Chris or frisbee with my brothers. We grill out a lot and can't get enough guacamole. Life is full but not too busy.

I'm not planning a wedding or moving or making any big changes. And sometimes, I may want to rush into those things. The truth is, life right now is sort of in between a lot of different phases. But, if I let it be, it is overflowing. I want to choose to see that and allow myself to rest in its peacefulness.

Someday when things begin to change, I know I'll look back on this phase and remember it as a happy one. It's simpler and has narrowed in a lot of ways. But it's good. It feels like a warm sunny day when the breeze blows across your face. It's sweet and tender and reminds me that right now, I really like doing life with the people around me.

// life lately: spring is good //

Spring life has been the good life lately. 

I went to a bachelorette with dear friends in Bloomington to celebrate our girl Jamie getting married // And celebrated Chris' 28th birthday at Rathbun's // Froyo has pretty much been a diet staple // And we celebrated our friends Mike and Kelsey getting married this past weekend // Duke helped me hang my hammock swing, which is really going to up my porch game // I've spent as much time as possible outside - reading under trees in the park with Chris, going on long walks and soaking up this blissful weather.

I hope you're enjoying your spring, too!