Five Facts from a Guy {about girls} #2

Happy Friday, friends! I'm back today with Five Facts from a Guy, round two.

Before I dive in, though, I want to make sure I'm addressing an important element of this series. This is not about telling you how to act, what to do differently or where you're inadequate. It's the opposite, in fact. I hope these facts shine light on the idea that you are enough. You are worthy of the best love and I hope this insight reminds you to never settle, to speak up for yourself, maintain your independence and to be confident in your utter beauty.

Today's facts are from my youngest brother, Sam. Here's what he has to say. Enjoy!

{Sam with his cute girlfriend, Abbey}

1. Maintain relationships with your friends. We’ve all been guilty of this one because it’s just so darn easy to do - don’t bail on your friends to spend time with your guy. Why? To start, it will hurt your friends. And dismissing your friends to spend all your time with your guy is a slippery slope towards dependence. And dependence can kind of freak us out. Don’t get me wrong, being apart can feel painful at times, but independence is really beautiful. Plus, some time for bromance makes us all better fellas.

2. Don't be afraid to tell me if I hurt your feelings. If a guy isn't willing to listen, genuinely admit his wrongdoing, and apologize, he doesn't deserve you. I know guys can be a bit  out of touch and stubborn, but that doesn't excuse us from being gentlemen. And don't let a guy play the unaware card; we are fully capable of identifying and understanding your emotional needs.

3. Own your personal style, not what’s in style. This may sting a little but, don’t let the fashion industry fool you; maxi skirts, middle parts and booties don’t look good on everyone. And this goes for men, too - we can't all wear slim fit selvedge denim or a double breasted suit. Do these things look great on some people? Of course. Understand what works for you and wear it with confidence - not for me, not for the world, for you. If high-waisted black jeans and a white tee are your home-runs, wear them, cause they’re your home-runs and you’ll feel confident in them. And there’s nothing more attractive than confidence.

4. My interests don’t have to be your interests. There’s a fine line here. It's a fun feeling to learn you are developing a new, shared interest. But, do you really give a hoot about how many goals Lionel Messi scored in La Liga last season? If that sounds like Spanish to you, that’s ok! I want you to support my interests, but if watching soccer feels more like watching grass grow then enjoy a little time apart. That’s a perfect chance to display your independence or call up those friends!

5. On the flipside, if none of our interests align, it might be time to cut it off. You sleep with all 3 of your cats, I’m allergic to cats. You fist pump to EDM, I want to be lulled to sleep by the Oh Hellos. You like white pizza, pizza blanca, or whatever the heck it’s called, I know that sauce is the best ingredient. You get the picture – we aren’t a match made in Heaven. So call a spade a spade and let it go.  A lack of shared interests will result in boredom and a disconnect.

In case you missed the first one, read last week's Fast Fact from a Guy

3 Weeks of Free Dating in Atlanta

Chris and I are officially three weeks into our month of free dating. Here’s what I have learned about us during the last few weeks:
- We still miss coffee dates the most (and might have a coffee shop addiction?)
- I’m missing going out to eat, but not as much as I expected. Mostly just Whole Foods
- The challenge of trying to find a free date and the pleasure of executing it is so exhilarating. Way more than I expected. Sort of like getting an awesome item on sale. It almost feels like you’re making money because the savings are so great.

Here’s what we’ve been up to:

We hiked Sweet Water (#8) on Memorial Day (with BYOCoffee), which was way more fun than I expected. I had heard it wasn’t that hard of a hike, which is true. But it’s BEAUTIFUL. When we can start spending money again, I want to rent kayaks there. The water and trees are stunning!

We got free Dunkin Donuts (#20), again. Really sad that promo is over.

We cooked dinner with our friends, Mike & Kelsey. I made goat cheese guacamole (holy moly!).

We went to a free spinning class at Cyc studios. My friend Jen told me about the free class and I was SUPER pumped.

We cooked two dinners with friends: homemade pizza with my brothers and grilled with Chris' roommate and girlfriend.

{We made The Minimalist Baker's gluten free crust. So good!}

We traded in two empty coffee bags at Starbucks for two free coffees. Then drove Tuxedo Road (#9), sipping our java and picking out which houses we'd buy if we could.

I also learned that the Georgia Tech Observatory has free stargazing nights. We planned to go last Thursday, but it was cancelled due to rain. Rats! They don’t start again until the fall, but I definitely plan to go on a clear night.

Also: this is not within our month of free dates, but beginning in Mid-June, Piedmont Park is doing a free concert series with the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra. Snacks and wine on the lawn, anyone?

Now, just one week to go! :)

PS: In case you missed it, here's what we did our first week.
PPS: I've gotten some questions about HOW to get to the Bellwood Quarry. Here is the guide we used. Good luck and wear pants! It's worth the work to find it! :) 

Seven Years of Blogging {thank you, thank you}

May marked seven years of blogging for me. Seven! I went back and read my first post the other day and had a good laugh. 

So much has changed in my life since I shared those words. I was 21 at the time, interning for Atlanta magazine, living in Emory summer housing. I felt far from my sweet family and Indiana friends, but was falling in love with Atlanta at the same time.

My internship was unpaid and I remember calling my mom when my blow dryer broke. I cried and told her that making no money wasn’t fun. I look back on it now and am so grateful for that summer, when I couldn’t afford to replace my blow dryer and would cry on days I had to pay $5 to park because the Mart took over the city. On those nights when I’d choose froyo over dinner because I couldn’t afford both.

Chris laughs now because I have a whole host of budget hacks in Atlanta – things to do for free and ways adventure cheaper.

Those early days when you really don’t know if you’re going to make it to your next paycheck shape you and teach you to hustle and I couldn’t be more grateful for them now. 

I also spent a lot of time alone that summer. I started dating someone pretty seriously, but I still had a lot of time in the evenings, when I’d go for walks solo, just soaking in the people and the fabric of Atlanta. I’d call all of my friends every night. Most of them were interning in new cities, too. We’d share tales of what we were learning and always end with how excited we were for August, when we’d be back at school for senior year.

That first summer here shaped my heart and, honestly, shaped a huge part of my future, as I sit here in this happy, humid city today. As I read that first post, I couldn’t help but smile because, a lot has changed, but, the thing that has stayed the same is that this little space on the internet is still where I come to be heard. It’s often the first place I process and main place I share.

And, after seven years, I couldn’t be more grateful for all of you who come back here to read, day after day. 

For those of you who have been here since the beginning (hi, mom & dad!), I know it has changed a lot. Thank you for giving me the grace to not only let my blog change, but also let me change throughout my 20s.

I think we can do a lot to support one another in this crazy decade and one of the biggest things is letting one another grow into new and different people.

So thank you. For listening. For letting me change. And for reading my words each and every day over the last seven years. Your support means the world to me.

Five Facts from a Guy {about Girls}

My dear friend Megan once told me that men are waffles and women are pancakes. When you pour syrup on waffles, it stays in each square; when you pour syrup on pancakes, it goes everywhere. In the same way, men compartmentalize their thoughts, feelings and emotions, which allows them a great ability to turn on and off life influences. On the other hand, for women, everything is connected and there is very limited compartmentalization.

The analogy made me feel like I instantly understood men better. So they can just switch squares? Just like that? Amazing.

It got me thinking about understanding men. I sometimes post things like 10 Things for Single Girls and 10 Things I Can Tell You About Your Husband, which are typically based on insight from Chris and my brothers. So, I thought, why not go straight to the source?

This week, I'm introducing Five Facts from a Guy Friday. I thought it would give all ye ladies the chance to get a little insight into the minds of men. Will their rules be hard and fast? Maybe not. But, I've said it once and I'll surely say it again: men aren't that complicated. They just seem confusing to us because we're living in a pancake world.

Kick-starting this is my kind, wonderful boyfriend, Chris. Here's what he has to say about girls. {Note: I didn't give him parameters or guide him. This is straight from the horse's mouth.}

1. Guys are meant to pursue – and we love it.  Men were made to be chasers, pursuers and hunters when it comes to relationships.  If you want to know if a guy is interested, be patient, be yourself and see if he opens up the pursuit.  You will find out through his actions if he’s interested.  I know a lot of guys who are thrown off when a girl pursues them first – it can be scary to have a girl trying to fill that role.

2. Wet hair and pajamas is the way to go.  I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen guys taken aback by a girl wearing too much makeup, but I’ve probably never heard “Man – if only she would wear makeup, she would be so much prettier.” We can feel a girl trying to be noticed and to be pursued.  Dress comfortably and confidently– let the guy see you as you are. We love it when girls have the confidence to dress for themselves, not for others. Ultimately, that’s the version of you your husband will see the most anyway.

3. Keep embracing your own interests. If you don’t like sports, don’t fake it to watch the game with the guy.  It’s usually a well-intended gesture, but if the guy knows you, he knows you aren’t interested and likely not enjoying yourself.  If he wants to watch a game and you don’t, use that time to pursue your own interests.  It’s OK to have separate interests – you each need your own space to pursue these. (But don’t be afraid to ask how our sports teams are doing….especially fantasy ones. We love that.)

4. Own your independence. One of the things I love about Whitney is how deeply she has invested herself in her faith, family, friends, health, blog, career and personal development to ultimately fulfill her. I don’t feel like she is depending on me to “complete” her.  Rather, she wants me alongside as she pursues those passions.  One my best friends once said he didn’t want to be any girl's “vessel to marriage”.  When a girl is just looking for a guy to bring her the marriage/children/house that will then fulfill her, guys sense that, get overwhelmed and question the reason a girl loves them.

5. Challenge us to understand our emotions and feelings.  From what I know (not much), girls are typically more in touch with their emotions than guys are.  I think we, as males, often get uncomfortable becoming in touch with our emotions because we don’t understand them.  We need some pushing here.  When you get to a point in the relationship where it’s appropriate, ask the “why?” questions about his emotions. Recently, Whitney has done an unbelievable job of challenging me explore root causes on my feelings and emotions.  It’s been fascinating to explore this and better understand myself in the process, and has enriched the way we are able to connect.