Five Facts from a Guy {about girls} #6

Happy Friday and happy one week into America's 240th year of life! Does anyone else go through a small mourning process when the Fourth is over? I do. It's the best!

Fear not, here to cheer us up this week is Chris' (and now my!) friend, Claude. He lives in North Carolina and has a super sweet job as a college basketball coach. His passion and excitement for his team are daily reminders to me to keep pursuing what I love in life.

Here are his thoughts on girls and dating.

And, in case you've missed them, catch up on the previous Five Facts from a Guy posts.

{I got to know Claude really well last Memorial Day when he spent the weekend in Atlanta. He's become a close friend and always makes me laugh with his great perspective on dating.}

1. Saying maybe is okay, no is even better. Guys love to pursue. Groundbreaking, I know. One of the things that can cool my attraction toward a girl that I am interested in is her being too available. Before the first date has happened, I'm already worried about her being way too into me because she mentioned that she has the next 10 nights available to go grab a drink. Even if you have every night of the week available to hang out, don't let him know that! It adds a bit of mystery to the beginning of a potential relationship and allows for both parties to go through the initial process at a more comfortable speed.

2. Share your passion(s).I might be a tad different than most, but one of the things that I love to find out on an early date is what a girl is passionate about. What do you look forward to each morning when you wake up? It can be anything! There is no wrong answer here, but it's amazing to hear someone open up about what they truly find purpose in.

3. Find out which friends matter.In today's world, we all have a ton of different friend groups that we can easily stay connected with. Some we have just known for a couple weeks, others we work with and some go way back. Whether we like to admit it or not, when a potential girlfriend, or girlfriend, meets my friends that I truly care about, it is a BIG deal. Don't sweat this, but rather be relaxed in knowing that he is probably more nervous than you are! Ask questions and find out whose opinion really matters. The ability to hold your own with his friends is a huge part of the process and it starts with knowing which ones have a voice in his life.

4. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon. One of my closest friends reminded me of that after a break up as I was struggling to get back out there and move on. I think it not only applies to getting over someone, but also to starting something new. In North Carolina, and throughout the South, it often feels like everyone is in a sprint to get married, get a dog, then have kids. Don't get me wrong, those are all great things, but everyone's path is different. I want the girl I'm pursuing to want me to be in the seat across from her at dinner--not for her to just want the seat to be occupied. Remember to enjoy the (sometimes long) journey.

5. Share your "weird". We all have unique characteristics that separate us from each other. One of the things that I always find funny when talking to others about the dating process is how everyone wants to show this polished version of themselves in order to woo a certain significant other. Show us the real you. If it doesn't work out, it's not the end of the world. As a basketball coach, when I recruit, a kid picking another school is almost as good as a yes, because then you get to move on to the next recruit and not waste any more time. Don't be scared to share who you really are, even the things that might make you a little weird.

fresh mint chocolate chip cookies (dairy & gluten free)

Ever since my mom visited in early June, our vegetable garden has been en fuego. Our corn is knee high, our squash is blooming and the mint - oh, the mint! It's racing the basil across the garden to see which can grow faster and I honestly can't decide which one I'm rooting for.

This past weekend, I was craving mint chocolate chip cookies and decided I'd try using fresh mint instead of extract in them. I grabbed a handful in the garden and chopped it into tiny pieces. I must say - it's even better than using extract. It tastes so fresh and melted in my mouth. It's the perfect light, summer cookie.

And, let's be honest, it's never a problem for me when I can throw a few veggies (OK, OK herbs) into my cookies. It's basically breakfast by that point! (Looking at your avocado chocolate chip cookies).

Fresh mint chocolate chip cookies (dairy & gluten free)

Prep time: 10 min.
Cook time: 8 to 10 min.
Total time: 18 to 20 mins.

Yield: 1 dozen

Ingredients

• 1/3 c. grass-fed butter
• 1.5 T coconut oil
• 1 egg
• 1/3 c. coconut sugar (can sub any variant of sugar)
• 1/4 t. baking soda
• 1/4 t. pink himalayan salt (can sub kosher or sea salt)
• 1.5 c. almond flour
• 1/4 c. fresh mint
• 1/2 c. chocolate chips (I use Enjoy Life)

Cooking Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees
2. In a large bowl, mix butter, coconut oil, sugar and egg. Use hand mixer to blend until creamy.
3. Mix in baking soda, salt and almond flour. Beat until well blended.
4. In a food processor or Magic Bullet (I used the MB), finely chop the mint until it's in very small pieces.
5. Slowly stir in mint and chocolate chips.
6. On a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper, scoop balls of dough.
7. Cook for ~8 to 10 minutes.
8. Enjoy!

Happy eats!

the right guy is worth waiting for

This weekend before the Fourth, I was in Chicago to be part of my friend Jamie's wedding. Jamie and I went to school  at Indiana University together. I stood as a bridesmaid, alongside three of our closest friends from college. The entire weekend was emotional for me - Jamie and Ray are one of those couples that feel so right. Seeing the way they've both grown together and as individuals during the last five years made me so proud of them and honored to have been able to watch the process. 

At the reception, I was dancing with the other bridesmaids when I realized that all five of us are in healthy relationships that vary from 12 months to five years in duration. The thought caught me off guard. 

You see, it has not always been this way for us. It took us a long time to collectively reach this point.

There has been heartache and heartbreak. There have been guys who never called back. And guys we didn't want to call back. There have been guys who disappeared out of thin air. There have been breakups and fizzle outs and good dates and bad dates and mediocre dates. There have been periods of many dates and periods of no dates.

There has been a whole mess of unrest that naturally occurs when you date in your 20s and are yearning to know what your future holds. 

It got me thinking about people our age and how it's really important that we don't settle for the wrong guy. 

When you are craving comfort, ease and companionship, it's easy to go down the wrong path with someone. When you want to be married or in a relationship so badly, it's easy to begin the process with the wrong person. When you're aching to be known and end the deep loneliness that your 20s can bring, it can be tempting to settle. Especially as more and more of your friends continue to get engaged and married and have babies. The comparison trap is real and deep.

But I think it's really important that we don't confuse settling down with settling. 

It can be tempting to ignore that feeling in your gut or the thoughts in the back of your mind that it might not be right. A lot of the emails I receive ask me this question: how do I know if it's right?

I can't answer that for you (although I do have personal rules on how you know if you should break up with someone).

And I can confidently tell you this:

- If you find yourself constantly questioning your relationship

- If you are staying in it because you're afraid of being single or spending weekends and weddings alone 

- If you find yourself worried that all the good guys are taken

- If you find yourself constantly annoyed of someone 

- If you are vacillating between wanting him to propose and thinking you should break up with him 

- If you find yourself wondering what else is out there

These are worth examining. These aren't necessarily reasons to end a relationship. But, I know for sure they aren't reasons that you should stay. 

Each of those reasons is wrapped in fear and the worst thing we can do is let fear be our guiding light. 

There was definitely a time when I was willing to accept mediocre relationships instead of full, joyful relationships. I was afraid to begin again. I was afraid to spend Friday nights alone. I was afraid to lose my dance partner at weddings. And, deep down, I don't know if I truly believed I deserved a full relationship with the best love. 

If you're like I was, take it from me: you deserve a really great relationship. You deserve to be pursued, respected and treated well. You deserve laughter and joy and happiness. 

Will it always be easy? Nope. Will there ever be frustration and pain? Yep. But you won't find yourself lying awake at night, wondering if you're in the right relationship. 

I know the waiting is tiring and lonely. It hurts. But as much as waiting now hurts, it's less than the pain of a broken relationship or marriage down the road. And, in the meantime, don't forget that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. And you are enough.

Five Facts from a Guy {for girls preparing for marriage} #5

Happy Fourth of July weekend Friday, my friends!

I'm at a lake house in south Georgia today, hopefully sipping coffee in a kayak right about now :)

Here to check in with you is my other, also wonderful, brother-in-law, Jose. His post is for all you engaged girls out there, as well as anyone who wants to prepare her heart for marriage. It's never too soon to plan ahead, nahmean?

And, in case you've missed them, catch up on the previous Five Facts from a Guy posts.

{Jose is married to my sister, Ashley. Together they have three adorable boys. I loved reading his post and envisioning Ashley and Jose's relationship. I can see his advice play out so positively between them. Nothing feels better than knowing your sister is in good, thoughtful hands.}

1. Dress modestly in front of my family. I love it when my wife wears attractive clothing because it boosts my ego—I’m proud of my wife’s cute figure. But, that’s not something I want her to flaunt around my family. I don’t want to have to defend her character based on incorrect assumptions. So, when it comes to family affairs, go ahead and dress like Mary Poppins. Remember, his mother grew up in a different generation than you did.

2. Learn how to make one or two good meals. A man really appreciates the work and energy that goes into a home-cooked meal. It even feels like a luxury. I’m so thankful for a meal and I have no qualms about doing all the clean-up. When I can invite family or friends over for a meal, I feel that is one of highest honors I can extend to them. Hospitality is undervalued in our fast-paced society, but a true extension of it leaves a lasting impression.

3. Enjoy life. On our first date, I was most attracted to Ash’s smile and laugh. Although she’s a very attractive woman, that was the thing that sealed the deal. The smiles and laughter revealed that I was dating a joyful person. And, who doesn’t want to be married to a happy wife?!

4. Invest in relationships with your future in-laws. This will pay dividends for years to come. Remember when you marry him, you’re also marrying his family. Grow the relationship and you’ll ultimately strengthen your bond with him. His family will always have some influence on your lives and his decisions. And, when you make decisions that are contrary to what your in-laws want, you have the relationship to stand on.

5. Set your work and family life priorities ahead of time. Not everything can be a priority. When I got married, Ash was a full-time school teacher and she was good at it. She also became a full-time wife and she was good at it. When we had children, we had to prioritize because we had more than we could juggle. So Ash chose to transition to the roles of mother and wife, and she is good at both of them. Not everything can be your top priority and it's important that you and your future spouse identify where you both want to invest your time and energy as you grow in your relationship, jobs, hobbies and begin to have children.