Dealing with Unmet Expectations & Disappointment

Each morning, as Chris and I sit in the sunroom for quiet time, we see a couple jog by our house. They do the same small loop over and over, getting faster each time. They start out walking and, by the end, are both running. 

This morning I sat on our front stoop with my coffee, letting the humid, morning air press against my skin as I read my bible. I saw them coming and smiled at the familiarity of these people who don't know me. They smiled back and I wondered if, perhaps, they expect us each morning just as we anticipate them. 

I thought then about expectations. When our expectations are met, we don't think much about them. But when they are unmet, it can be so unsettling. Certain seasons bring a lot of unconscious expectations that leave us feeling off kilter when left unfulfilled. The odd part is, we may not even know we had expectations and, yet, in the moment, we wind up feeling lonely and disappointed. 

A good friend of mine always says she doesn't like the Fourth of July because there is too much external pressure. She'd be happy going to a baseball game or watching fireworks at home, but she feels there are expectations to be on a lake or the beach and, when the Fourth rolls around, she feels disappointed by the holiday, without ever knowing that she'd had expectations for it. It's like waking up to a present you didn't expect, only to find it's an empty box. 

Seasons of change - moving to a new city, dating, the early days of marriage or having a new baby - can be especially full of quiet expectations. Somewhere, deep down, a little voice is telling us that it should be rainbows and butterflies all time and we should be enjoying it more. Here are some of the things that little voice might say to us:

This should be more fun. I think everyone else is having more fun than this. 
You should have more friends by now. Why don't you have a best friend here?
The early days of marriage are supposed to be sweeter than this. Why aren't you enjoying it?
Make the most of these newborn days! A lot of people can't even get pregnant. 

Before we know it, that little voice is getting louder and louder and, eventually, we freak out. We become angry. We feel trapped. Then, we either meltdown with sadness and frustration or explode, like a pressure cooker, under the weight of expectations.

A close friend is currently in a tough season of transition. Everything in her life has shifted in the last few months (from moving to getting married to a new job - literally, everything.) and she feels unsettled. She feels disappointed. She had high expectations for the start of her marriage and now she feels sad. She said she wants to kick and scream and throw a little tantrum because she doesn't feel like this is what she waited for all those years. Isn't it supposed to be better than this? That little voice is whispering, over and over. 

I told her this season is going to develop so much empathy in her and, someday, she'll be able to walk alongside someone else as they go through something similar. She joked that she could have done without the extra dose of empathy. 

The quickest way I've found to remove the intense pressure of certain seasons is to acknowledge the unmet expectations, as opposed to avoid them. For example, when the little voice says to you: I thought graduating college was going to be more fun than this. Why aren't you having fun? Your natural inclination might be to say: No, no, I'm having fun! Look, I'm drinking wine and watching The Bachelor! But, it's more productive to acknowledge the frustration by shedding light upon it: I thought it would be more fun, too. This is a little disappointing. And then, to practice grace, as opposed to shame: But, I'm doing my best to make friends and I am sure I'll settle into this season soon. 

The pressure of expectations can be so stifling that it takes away the joy of a season altogether. Most of the time, on this blog, I just want to tell you that you're normal if you're feeling this way. You aren't ungrateful. Nothing is wrong with you.

Give yourself grace. Take your time. Breathe into the season.

And, as my mom always tells me, on the days that are feeling the most out of control: take five minutes to organize your purse. It will always make you feel just a tiny bit better. 

Happy Fourth, babes!

Happy Fourth, friends! I'm taking the week off from blogging to enjoy the beautiful summer weather. I hope you all have a safe and happy Fourth of July. Here's to you, America!

Five Things I'd Tell Someone Starting their own Business

There are a million articles out there about starting your own business. Some are super helpful, some are a little overwhelming - and everything in between! The resources are abundant! However, there are a few things I have learned during the last eight months that nobody told me before I quit my job to start my own business. I thought I'd share a little bit of insight from down here in the trenches. 

1. Know when to walk away. 

Some days, the creative juices just aren't flowing. Some days, you're going to be super antsy and unfocused. Know when to step away from the computer. Take a break. Go for a walk around the block. Do whatever you need to do to clear your ahead.

One of the perks of self employment is being able to work during your prime hours. If you're a night owl, don't feel like you have to be hustling at 6 a.m. If you're like me and you do your best work before the sun is up, don't feel guilty when your brain shuts down at 3 p.m. Find the rhythms that make the best use of your time and brain. 

2. Take advantage of the flexibility. 

You might not see a paycheck for a verryyyy long time. Enjoy the other, non-financial perks, of your new gig. You're also probably going to work some very long hours, grinding away until something only you can do is just perfect. When you have slow days or your mom is in town, enjoy being able to take a break. 

3. You might be tempted to punish yourself for "not having a job."

I still struggle with this one. Some days, I feel like I should do 100% of the work around the house since Chris goes to work and I don't. I feel like I shouldn't ask him for help since I don't technically have the demands of a nine to five. But, the truth is, if you have this attitude, you'll never create the time and space you need to make your small business into a full-time job. So set your work hours and protect them fiercely. If one of your student-schedule friends consistently wants to talk on the phone at 10 a.m., let her know you love her (so much!), but you'd still like to talk during non-business hours. The more you treat it like a business, the more other people will, too. 

4. Slow down and celebrate the little things. 

One of the funny things about working on your own is there are no coworkers with whom you can celebrate. Find someone who will do a little celebrating with you, then celebrate everything. The blogger you didn't expect to reply? Celebrate it. The radio show you didn't anticipate being on? Live it up! Celebrate the wins a little bigger, because the losses hurt a little more when it's your own business.  Take a breath and treat yo self :). 

5. Remember that money isn't everything.

This creative business you're in? It sustains you. It keeps you sane. It makes it so you can breathe deeply, think clearly and appreciate life a little more. Write all of the reasons that you quit your job down somewhere. On days when it's super hard and your budget is tight and your friends are in Ibiza and you're gonna have to settle for camping, look at that paper. Remember that sanity and living in your purpose are more important than a trip to Ibiza. 

PS: You probably already know this, but: you're going to make mistakes, critical feedback and want to quit. Don't quit! It's part of the process. You can do this. On those days, have this book handy. Read it, highlight it, read it again. 

Moringa (or Matcha!) Mint Smoothie

First of all, let me answer the obvious question here: wtheck is Moringa!?

The best comparison I can make is that it's a lot like matcha, but has more powerful health benefits and is more bitter in taste. Also, it provides a natural energy boost, but doesn't have caffeine, which means you won't have that 3 p.m. crash from it. 

If you want to learn more, I think this article does the best job comparing Moringa and. Matcha: Battle of the Greens: Moringa vs. Matcha. And this article does a great job explaining why it's so, so, sooo good for you: 11 Surprising Facts About Moringa And How It Can Improve Your Health.

When Chris and I were in Kenya, we picked Moringa leaves and processed them all the way through to consumption. This meant drying the stalks, pulling the leaves off of them, grinding it to powder (a machine did this part), weighing, measuring and packaging it - and even creating the nutrition label. It was super cool and, obviously, not something we could do in the US for resale because, ya know, health codes. 

This is the Moringa leaf after we picked it from the stalk and dried it in the sun for a few days. After this, we ground it to powder!

We brought six containers of it back, which was really lucky, because I had no idea it's pretty pricey in the US. In Kenya, it's abundant and people eat it constantly. They'd never pay the premium we pay - cost of living adjustments aside! Their access to it is our like our access to refined sugar. 

So, now that you're a Moringa expert, I wanted to share an awesome smoothie recipe. We had an abundance of mint in our backyard (which we planted more than three years ago - mint is crazy!), so it was the inspo for this guy. 

Moringa Mint Smoothie

Ingredients:

2 t. Moringa Leaf Powder (any brand will work, as long as it's powder!) 
1 c. almond milk (Califia Farms is farrr and away my fav)
3 softened dates
1 handful of mint
1 t. vanilla
1 handful of ice
1 c. of spinach

To Make:

• Assemble all ingredients in a powerful blender. I love our Vitamix! 
• Pulverize until consistency is smooth and creamy
• If you like it thicker, add more ice. If you like it runnier, add more milk! Is that obvious? :) Idk smoothies can be tricky to get the consistency right!

I sipped it down in seconds and cannot wait to make it again.