sunny days

Have you ever been to a funeral when it's sunny? Or sick in the summer? Everything about it feels wrong. Even wronger than those events feel in and of themselves. 

It was sunny at my grandma's funeral. And I once had the swine flu for an entire week during the summer. And, selfishly, I couldn't understand why the weather wasn't mourning my loss with rainy tears, or, at the very least, providing a little cloud coverage to shield me from the fact that the rest of the world was still running wild. 

Sometimes, I think I'm afflicted with the opposite of seasonal depression. Possibly, seasonal hyperness. The way the balmy spring and amazingly hot summer effects me feels extreme. I ache for those poor year-round school kids. How do they ever sit inside when the sprinklers are running and pools are overflowing? 

Last night I was talking with a good friend about a relationship that is ending for her. Spring is supposed to be for beginnings. Rebirth and flowers and new relationships and hand holding. How can hers be ending when everything else is blooming? It feels wrong in every way.

But then, after we hung up, she stumbled upon this quote as she was reading (the best book ever) The Great Gatsby:

And I realized that sometimes the stars align, and new relationships blossom right alongside the tulips in April. But other times, life is unexpected. We fall in love in the dead of winter, warming ourselves up to our frozen cores. And sometimes, life is in full swing in the summer - knee high by the Fourth of July, just like Indiana corn. But other times, our adventures are only just beginning in mid-May. Or possibly coming to an end. 

But, as we reminded each other last night, sometimes the only way to make room for something new in our lives is to let something else fade away. Lots of adventures are worth living, but the very best ones deserve all of our hearts, and we have to make space for them. As always, it comes down to math: a little more of this, a little less of that. We allow the right things to take up just enough space in our hearts and soon more and more days feel like sunny days. Even in the dead of winter.