Hello! I wrote this post 48 hours after quitting, but waited to share it until today. Thank you for your love and support in this new season!
This morning, I sat in a coffee shop with my team at work feeling overwhelmed by the reality that my time with them was coming to a close. We had just met with a potential partner and, as I spoke about our programs, I found myself feeling nostalgic. We've worked so hard, I kept thinking. It took us so long to get here. I can't believe I'm walking away.
Since making the decision to resign, I've been overwhelmed by feelings. Elation, excitement and joy contrasting deeply with fear, sorrow and guilt. Am I leaving my team in a lurch? Will they be OK without me?
My dear friend Maggie reminded me, kindly and gently, that I'm more replaceable than I'm letting myself believe. She told me that, no matter how hard we work, in the end, we're just one person doing a job another person could do. She told me it was OK if this was a hard reality to grip, but, it is the reality.
I realized as I sat there that it's OK to feel like I need to mourn my job. Sometimes it feels silly to grieve what we've chosen to leave. But departures, even if they're right for us, can still feel heartbreakingly painful.
As the sadness overcame me, I found myself wanting to course correct. I recently heard Cheryl Strayed beautifully compare this moment to when you're driving and begin to skid off the road. It is human nature to jerk the car in the opposite direction. In reality, though, the safest thing you can do in that moment is turn into the slide. In the same way, when we're overwhelmed with sadness and the urge to course correct, we must lean into our feelings.
Throughout my 20s, I've begun to understand that something can be really, really sad to leave. But that doesn't mean you should stay. Whether it's a relationship, job or home, certain things in life have expiration dates.
During the next few weeks, as I prepare to depart, I have no doubt that I will continually vacillate between fear and joy, sadness and sorrow. I'm praying for bravery and that I can remember that we aren't always called to comfort. I'm praying I can lean into these feelings and be unafraid to stay on this path, even when I'm overwhelmed with the urge to course correct.