on body image // what if?


I don't normally talk much about body image on my blog because there are a lot of people out there who are far better educated than me, saying way smarter things about it. But lately it has been on my mind. 

I recently heard a few girls talking - all saying the same thing, in a way. They were talking about the holiday cookies they "should not have eaten" and the workout they "should have done" and the way they were not "skinny enough" and how they "should really be" counting their calories.

image source?

And the conversation weighed me down. It made me feel sad and heavy and tired. And it made me wonder who was setting all these dang rules? Who says they shouldn't have the cookies or take a day off from working out? Who says they should look a certain way?

And I just kept thinking, What if we stop? What if we just stopped talking about all the things we're doing wrong with our bodies and instead embraced them? What if we woke up tomorrow and instead of feeling bad about our butts and legs and stomachs and arms we just thought about how grateful we were for strong, working bodies? What if we stopped trying to look like someone else and instead fully embraced our build? 


I had this moment of clarity while listening where I thought, how silly we are, fighting the way our bodies are naturally made. 

Why are we fighting it? And not just fighting it, but punishing ourselves with restriction and negative thoughts? And then voicing them? Why are we giving power to the beast?

I wanted to ignore the whole "thigh gap" conversation because I think it's completely nutsoids, but I couldn't because it started to get to me. For my entire life, I've had strong legs. Even when I was five and started swimming and every other girl my age was walking around on beanpoles, my legs were strong. 


For a long time, I wanted to fight it. I didn't want to go to spinning or do a triathlon for fear they'd get stronger - bigger. Once I stopped fighting it, I started loving them. But you know what? That dang thigh gap trend made me feel bad. Because that's never going to be me. 

And when I was watching a Today show segment about it I thought: Golly! The whole world feels bad about this. Everyone is trying to attain something that only certain people were made to have

But what if we stop? What if instead we remind ourselves that we're meant to take up space in this world. That we don't have to be smaller and use up less land. That embracing our natural bodies is exactly the way we're made to live. What if instead we start talking about how we love our bodies just how they are? Every part of them. 


What if we embrace the bodies God gave us not because they're perfect but because they're ours? Tall and short and everything in between. Using the space we need on this earth, unafraid of being who we are fully designed to be.

I think it could be kind of beautiful. 

highlands holiday hunger hustle

When I was in Africa, one of the best pieces of advice Bob gave me was to never be afraid of failing. He told me that you will have bad ideas that won't go anywhere and you will have great ideas that take off and find success (Love Does, for example), and you can't be bogged down by the ones that don't work. What do you lose when it doesn't work, aside from pride? Normally, not that much. 

Just a few weeks after returning from the trip, Duke came up with the idea to host a holiday run for a local food bank. When he first said it, a million worries popped into my head (what if no one shows up? if people think it's dumb? if it rains?...), but they were quickly silenced by Bob's advice, and before I knew it, Duke, Sam and I were hosting a holiday hustle. 



Our amazing parents (aka our sponsors) came down for the race and cooked tons of food for our friends. People brought cans, grabbed their shirts and gathered in the unusually cold weather - friendly mingling before the competition began. 





Duke rallied the troops - explaining the course, tempting them with prizes for winning and declaring it out first-annual, making me ask him if that meant we were already signing up for a second? 



They ran the course - speedy little friends of ours - and came back for food and drinks. I was surprised by the fact that it got pretty competitive. Apparently Duke's sale on our "golden cup of holiday cheer" worked. 


We gave out prizes - first place, best dressed and best attitude. All of which we scored at Good Will, of course.




After a little while, we realized it was way too cold to be outside, so the party moved indoors. I told my friends I'd never considered having a morning party, but I really don't know why. A workout, breakfast and a brew? Pretty solid combination, if you ask me. 



Duke, Sam and I were so grateful for our friends (+ parents!!) who came out to support us. We're so excited to take the cans to the food bank and can't wait to do it again next year. Since Duke declared it annual, you know!


See ya on the trails! 

on finding happiness in your 20s


I love the joy and hustle and bustle of the holiday season. I love the way the world is happier than usual; celebrating and eagerly awaiting. But, just as salty tastes saltier with something sweet, so I've noticed that if you're not in the place to celebrate during the holiday season, your pain can feel a little more painful.

Lately I've received a lot of emails from people who are hurting. Recently single. Or single for far too long. Feeling emptiness. Lost in their 20s. And my heart has hurt for them as I've read their words - clearly feeling lonely in this big, celebrating world.

Someone emailed me a few weeks ago and asked how she can find happiness in her 20s. She said some days she wakes up feeling awesome and loving life, but other days she wakes up sad, wondering what she's doing with her life. Why hasn't she figured out where she's going? Who she is? What she wants to be when she grows up?


Sometimes I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to figure things out. My mantra lately has been less about answering the question of "what do I want to do with my life?" and more about answering "what do I want to do with right now?". Sure, I am still forward thinking and planning, but I'm worrying less about every detail of my future. Do I want to do this exact job forever? I have no idea. But I want to do it today. And that's what matters right now. 

I think both the beauty and pain of our 20s is that they're one big jumble of bliss and frustration and laughter and tears and love and heartache. It seems like we don't always give ourselves enough space to figure this season of life out. Nobody warns you that everything changes when you graduate. I've seen relationships that were amazing in college completely dissipate just months after entering the real world. 


It's incredible, in my opinion, to see the way people can change and grow. But just as our muscles are sore after a hard workout, so our minds and spirits get a little fatigued during this season of growth. 

We have to give ourselves time and grace. 

Not every day is going to be perfect because we're not meant to be completely satisfied with this earth. But some days are going to be pretty dang amazing. And, as far as I've seen, the further into my 20s I go, the fewer and further between those funky days seem to be. Slowly, things are beginning to settle - to make a little more sense. And all these good days at 27 sure make the tricky ones at 25 seem worth it. 


what our christmas tree taught me


Last night Melissa and I went Christmas tree shopping and upon arriving, we immediately found the most Charlie Brown tree on the lot. So pitiful, in fact, that they gave us a discount on account of its missing backside. A bare-backed tree, for us, indeed!

(You can't tell in this picture because my camera was being jankity all night: the entire bottom front half is missing...)

I'll admit this sounds dramatic, but something about this tree tugged at my heart. Melissa was understandably tempted by the trees at Whole Foods next door - beautiful, full and already in the stand for only $20 more. But no, I wanted this little naked tree that wobbles in the stand its so skinny. 


We joked we were just doing some charity work - adopting the very last $20 tree on the lot. The lonely guy on the back wall that nobody wanted. 

But as we threw it on top of the car, I couldn't help but think of the way were all like that tree. We've got some holes. Some wobbly parts. Some branches that stick out the wrong direction. 


I think the holiday season so easily tempts us to get wrapped up in the image. The perfect tree. Perfect gifts for people you love. Perfect dinner parties. Perfect scheduling - some how managing to make it to every party. 

This week, as the Christmas season has really kicked off, I've felt a little stressed. By the parties I have to say no to and the gifts I've not yet purchased. But last night our tree reminded me that life isn't about checking everything off perfectly during the holiday season - or any season, for that matter. It's about slowing down and showing up. It's about being present instead of performing. 


And you know what happened to our tree? We wrapped it right up in lights and ornaments and love. And before we knew it, it looked perfectly full. And perfectly happy.