one year // everything changes

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There's something about the end of the year that makes me reflective. I have a constant desire to look back on the last 12 months - analyzing the way things have changed, if I have grown - accomplished things. I fear I drive my friends crazy, telling them: Let's reflect. Where were you a year ago? 

I've noticed we have a tendency to minimize the year. My friends going abroad for a year told me, 

Oh it's just a year. 

As we signed our thirtieth lease, thinking we'd stay a year (ha!), we said, 

It's just a year. Then we can always move again. 

My friends starting graduate programs tell me, 

It's just for a couple of years, then who knows... 

It seems we start things all the time, thinking about the end. But lately, I've noticed that a year is so much more than a blip - it's 365 days (8,765 hours!). And time is so precious. 

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At the start of 2013, I knew something in my life needed to change. I wasn't sure what it was, but I felt like I was floating - zigzagging back and forth down a lazy river, unsure of exactly where I was going. So, without any certainty as to

what

was making me feel so aimless, I started praying about the same things over and over, writing them in my journal every night, hoping that by covering so many broad topics, I'd somehow find the right answer. I prayed the exact same eight questions every night. 

From my job to dating to our living situation to going to Africa to thinking I should move closer to family to wondering if I was running too much, I drilled down on every subject. And as I sat in church last night, thinking about how much has changed this year, I thought back to my questions, in awe of the way they've been answered. 

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Within nine days of writing down these questions, I had my first answer: 

we were moving

. 

Within two months, I was taking a break from running. 

Within four months,

I was going to Africa

. 

Within six months I was in a new job.

Within eight months,

my brothers were in Atlanta with me

. 

And the list doesn't stop there. Every question was met with clarity or action. Every bullet has been met with peace. 

Looking back on this filled me with so much joy and hope.

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And it gave me a renewed vigor toward using my time well. Life is precious - not just because we never know how much we have, but also because there are so many beautiful people and causes in this world fighting for life; for time. But if we aren't careful, they'll begin to zap our energy. Before we know it, we'll be spread too thin, committing to things that are "just a couple of weeks" and "just a couple of nights each month" and "just a year." 

But a year is long and exciting. And as we close out 2013, I'm so grateful for the things life has taught me this year. I'm so grateful for every one of those 365 days - the good, the bad and the beautiful.

And as we head into 2014, I'm approaching it with passion and gratitude. I'm committing to the things I care about and letting the things that zap my energy fall away. I'm worrying less about pleasing everyone and more about pursuing the things I know deserve more time and energy. I'm focusing less on my checklist - done, done, done - and more on pouring more energy and passion into the things I really love. 

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I couldn't be more excited. And I'm thrilled to bask in these last 15 days of 2013, grateful for what this beautiful year has taught me. For how it has changed me. I intend to embrace every bit of the remaining holiday season, soaking up every Christmas song and stocking stuffer I can find. I'm heading to Indy this weekend and cannot wait to be with my family - just the very people I want to end the year with. 

Here's to 2013, 2014 and beyond. And Christmas, of course! Next week :) Happy Monday!

on body image // what if?

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I don't normally talk much about body image on my blog because there are a lot of people out there who are far better educated than me, saying way smarter things about it. But lately it has been on my mind. 

I recently heard a few girls talking - all saying the same thing, in a way. They were talking about the holiday cookies they "should not have eaten" and the workout they "should have done" and the way they were not "skinny enough" and how they "should really be" counting their calories.

image source?

And the conversation weighed me down. It made me feel sad and heavy and tired. And it made me wonder who was setting all these dang rules? Who says they shouldn't have the cookies or take a day off from working out? Who says they should look a certain way?

And I just kept thinking, What if we stop? What if we just stopped talking about all the things we're doing wrong with our bodies and instead embraced them? What if we woke up tomorrow and instead of feeling bad about our butts and legs and stomachs and arms we just thought about how grateful we were for strong, working bodies? What if we stopped trying to look like someone else and instead fully embraced our build? 


I had this moment of clarity while listening where I thought, how silly we are, fighting the way our bodies are naturally made. 

Why are we fighting it? And not just fighting it, but punishing ourselves with restriction and negative thoughts? And then voicing them? Why are we giving power to the beast?

I wanted to ignore the whole "thigh gap" conversation because I think it's completely nutsoids, but I couldn't because it started to get to me. For my entire life, I've had strong legs. Even when I was five and started swimming and every other girl my age was walking around on beanpoles, my legs were strong. 


For a long time, I wanted to fight it. I didn't want to go to spinning or do a triathlon for fear they'd get stronger - bigger. Once I stopped fighting it, I started loving them. But you know what? That dang thigh gap trend made me feel bad. Because that's never going to be me. 

And when I was watching a Today show segment about it I thought: Golly! The whole world feels bad about this. Everyone is trying to attain something that only certain people were made to have. 

But what if we stop? What if instead we remind ourselves that we're meant to take up space in this world. That we don't have to be smaller and use up less land. That embracing our natural bodies is exactly the way we're made to live. What if instead we start talking about how we love our bodies just how they are? Every part of them. 

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What if we embrace the bodies God gave us not because they're perfect but because they're ours? Tall and short and everything in between. Using the space we need on this earth, unafraid of being who we are fully designed to be.

I think it could be kind of beautiful. 

highlands holiday hunger hustle

When I was in Africa, one of the best pieces of advice Bob gave me was to never be afraid of failing. He told me that you will have bad ideas that won't go anywhere and you will have great ideas that take off and find success (Love Does, for example), and you can't be bogged down by the ones that don't work. What do you lose when it doesn't work, aside from pride? Normally, not that much. 

Just a few weeks after returning from the trip, Duke came up with the idea to host a holiday run for a local food bank. When he first said it, a million worries popped into my head (what if no one shows up? if people think it's dumb? if it rains?...), but they were quickly silenced by Bob's advice, and before I knew it, Duke, Sam and I were hosting a holiday hustle. 



Our amazing parents (aka our sponsors) came down for the race and cooked tons of food for our friends. People brought cans, grabbed their shirts and gathered in the unusually cold weather - friendly mingling before the competition began. 





Duke rallied the troops - explaining the course, tempting them with prizes for winning and declaring it out first-annual, making me ask him if that meant we were already signing up for a second? 



They ran the course - speedy little friends of ours - and came back for food and drinks. I was surprised by the fact that it got pretty competitive. Apparently Duke's sale on our "golden cup of holiday cheer" worked. 


We gave out prizes - first place, best dressed and best attitude. All of which we scored at Good Will, of course.




After a little while, we realized it was way too cold to be outside, so the party moved indoors. I told my friends I'd never considered having a morning party, but I really don't know why. A workout, breakfast and a brew? Pretty solid combination, if you ask me. 



Duke, Sam and I were so grateful for our friends (+ parents!!) who came out to support us. We're so excited to take the cans to the food bank and can't wait to do it again next year. Since Duke declared it annual, you know!


See ya on the trails! 

on finding happiness in your 20s

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I love the joy and hustle and bustle of the holiday season. I love the way the world is happier than usual; celebrating and eagerly awaiting. But, just as salty tastes saltier with something sweet, so I've noticed that if you're not in the place to celebrate during the holiday season, your pain can feel a little more painful.

Lately I've received a lot of emails from people who are hurting. Recently single. Or single for far too long. Feeling emptiness. Lost in their 20s. And my heart has hurt for them as I've read their words - clearly feeling lonely in this big, celebrating world.

Someone emailed me a few weeks ago and asked how she can find happiness in her 20s. She said some days she wakes up feeling awesome and loving life, but other days she wakes up sad, wondering what she's doing with her life. Why hasn't she figured out where she's going? Who she is? What she wants to be when she grows up?


Sometimes I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to figure things out. My mantra lately has been less about answering the question of "what do I want to do with my life?" and more about answering "what do I want to do with right now?". Sure, I am still forward thinking and planning, but I'm worrying less about every detail of my future. Do I want to do this exact job forever? I have no idea. But I want to do it today. And that's what matters right now. 

I think both the beauty and pain of our 20s is that they're one big jumble of bliss and frustration and laughter and tears and love and heartache. It seems like we don't always give ourselves enough space to figure this season of life out. Nobody warns you that everything changes when you graduate. I've seen relationships that were amazing in college completely dissipate just months after entering the real world. 


It's incredible, in my opinion, to see the way people can change and grow. But just as our muscles are sore after a hard workout, so our minds and spirits get a little fatigued during this season of growth. 

We have to give ourselves time and grace. 

Not every day is going to be perfect because we're not meant to be completely satisfied with this earth. But some days are going to be pretty dang amazing. And, as far as I've seen, the further into my 20s I go, the fewer and further between those funky days seem to be. Slowly, things are beginning to settle - to make a little more sense. And all these good days at 27 sure make the tricky ones at 25 seem worth it. 

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