Who I'm Not

I recently told Chris that I have this vision of us being a couple that eats dinner and then watches TV together. Doesn't that sound nice after a busy day of work? Eating a healthy dinner and turning on a show you're both hooked on? 

I think it sounds lovely. 

But, here's the thing: we aren't that couple.

Neither of us even has one current show we follow. We're not caught up on anything. I think we've maybe watched four episodes of a show together - ever. We've seen one movie in the theaters. I would guess we have watched three at home. 

See? We are not that couple. But the idea of it sounded so appealing to me.

The exchange got me thinking about how sometimes we want to be something even if it doesn't fit within our reality. 

For a while, I really wanted to be someone who takes beautiful pictures with a DSLR camera. Not just because I wanted the beautiful pictures, though. I think girls who carry around big cameras are so cute. They're artsy and creative and thoughtful (in my eyes). And I wanted to be that girl. 

So, I bought a camera last fall and made it my 2014 resolution to take a photography class and get really good at it. Chris even bought me a book about it!

I never used the camera or took the class. I sold it a few months ago. I'm not that girl. I drop things a lot, so I was really worried to carry it around. Also, I hate having things to carry, to the point that I often just put my ID and phone in Chris' pocket so I can go hands free (I'm that girl instead of the cool artsy girl.) I love snapping pictures with my iPhone, but I'm afraid that's where my artistic talent ends. 

I'm not a lot of other things, either. 

I don't stay up late. At all. It's almost impossible. 

I don't always find cool, new music. I love radio hits and I can't help it! 

I know nothing about makeup. I don't know what a CC cream or what shade of lipstick would be right for me. 

I don't follow sports. 

I don't iron.

I don't paint or make pottery or work with leather or do any sort of artistic hobby.
I don't speak a foreign language even though I took eight years of French. 

I don't wrap beautiful gifts. I prefer the no-measure-scrunch-and-tape method. 

I don't do some of things because I can't. But, I don't do some of these things because they aren't my priority right now.

In 2015, I want to focus on making room for the things that matter to me. I want to let go of comparison and be comfortable with the fact that some girls are really good at the things I listed above, but that doesn't mean I have to be good at them. We're all different and have wonderful, personal strengths to bring to the world.

So what am I doing in 2015? I'll tell you tomorrow!

Long ago I read Shauna Niequist's Bittersweet, which is one of my all-time favorite books and has carried me through my 20s.  In it she has a chapter "Things I Don't Do". I have always admired how she gives herself permission not to do things. Her wisdom and advice inspired this post, as well as tomorrow's. If you haven't read this book, I strongly recommend it! I also recently noticed that The Tiny Twig posted something similar a while back. Her post is great, especially if you're a mom trying to do it all :)

what will 2015 hold for you?

I went for a walk with my friend Megan today and she asked me what my resolutions were. I told her two and then tacked on a third one. She started telling me hers and I interrupted and said - oh yes, that's one of mine too! In a matter of minutes my resolutions doubled and to be honest, when she originally asked what mine were, I hadn't actually made any yet.

That can be the trouble with resolutions - we start with something simple we want to attain and before we know it, we've piled on and become overwhelmed. What starts as "take a multivitamin" turns in to "take a vitamin, use more essential oils, exercise and drink two gallons of water every day and be a better person altogether."  

It's our nature - we want it all quickly so we make a few arbitrary goals that often make us feel like we were failing to begin with. 

To me, the start of the new year is always one of my favorite things to celebrate - and not because we can pile more shoulds on top of ourselves, but because it gives us the chance to reflect on where we were a year ago. 

What worked in 2014? 

What didn't work? 

Who is still in your life that shouldn't be? Who do you wish still was?

What are you still doing that you wish you weren't?

What is something you want to start?

What is something you want to finish? 

How do you want to change your finances this year?

How do you want to treat yourself this year?

How will you care for your body? And your heart? 

The new year is the chance to slow down and ask questions. It's the chance to reflect on exactly where you were one year ago and how you've grown. It's the chance to pause, mourn the sad, celebrate the good, slow down and take a deep breath. It's the chance to turn your palms up and ask God how He wants to use you this year. It's the chance to rest in knowing He has the year mapped out and it's not on you to resolve over and over, but instead to trust what He has in store and strive to be the best version of yourself. 

So what will 2015 hold for me? I don't know, exactly. I hope that it holds the chance to make some tough decisions, grow in my relationships, love people better and - yes - take a multivitamin. But even if I don't do any of these things, I know that 2015 is giving me a fresh start and the chance to begin the year with openness for what is to come and gratitude for what 2014 held. 

Now, let's go get em 2015. 

10 Things 2014 Taught Me

2014 was different than 2012 and 2013. It was a lot less about big decisions and changes and instead a series of little things that made a big difference when added together. It was a year of growth and excitement that don't look like much to an outsider, but taught me a lot.

Here's what I learned:

1. Don't tolerate unhappiness in a major area of your life. Whether it be a job or relationship or living situation - there are too many good things in the world to settle for unhappiness.

2. Seek adventure but don't forget that it might be closer to home than you realize. In 2013, my adventure was a trip to Africa. In 2014, my adventures were in Atlanta, but that didn't make them less adventurous.

3. Wait. I really, really don't like to wait for things. But sometimes life is full of change and other times it slows down and makes us wait for what's next. That doesn't mean we're stuck, it just means we're not ready yet. Pray in the waiting. Seek counsel in the waiting. Grow in the waiting. And remember, you're not stuck in the waiting forever.

4. Friendships change. And it's hard and you feel the growing pains of it. But it's OK. Because as we change, our relationships naturally do too. No one is doing anything wrong. Sometimes we have to take up a little less space in someone's life in order for us to grow into new things.

5. Stable is not boring. Sometimes, I think we create chaos simply because things are too stable. The guy is too nice, the relationship isn't gamey, the job is steady. We create trouble for ourselves in order to compensate for something else that's lacking. We shouldn't do this. We should embrace stableness when it finds us - there will always be more ups and downs. Enjoy the chance to coast when you can.

6. Find balance. Life will constantly tempt us to become unbalanced and no one can keep our lives in check for us. I am a pendulum - constantly swinging back and forth between wanting to race forward and wanting to slow down. I have to continually seek balance or I easily get out of wack. And we have to do it in every facet - from what we eat, to exercise, to rest, to work. Balance is essential.

7. Happiness is seeking big things, but enjoying the little things. Every, single day there are tiny, beautiful moments that are so often overlooked. But they matter - they can make a bland day beautiful and a hard day a little easier. They are reminders that we are not alone. They are reminders that God has a plan. 

8. Some seasons are for harvesting and some are for resting. We need both, very, very much. Embrace both seasons.

9. We are enough, just as we are and where we are. I learn it over and over again and every time I believe it more. We are nice enough, smart enough, funny enough, pretty enough. We do enough. We are enough.

10. We should root for one another. Because, in this world, there is enough room for us all to be happy and for all of us to succeed. Don't forget, we're all in it together.

Now, on to 2015!

home in indiana // the little things

I've been home in Indiana for the last 10 days and I'm sitting here this morning, sipping my coffee and soaking up every last bit. My parents' house has been packed with 16 people during the last week, but today we've dwindled down to just a remaining nine. It's funny how a house full of nine people can feel a little empty after a week with 16. 

Tomorrow early morning I fly to Charleston to meet Chris for a New Year's Eve wedding. As I sit here this morning looking around the house - at my nephew bouncing a ball and my mom drinking her coffee while wiping down the kitchen counters that aren't even dirty - at the simplicity and ease of it all - I can't help but think how it's the little things in our daily rhythm that make home feel like home. 

It's the way my dad always offers to cook every meal for us - a breakfast with bacon and eggs - when we would have settled for oatmeal. It's the way my mom goes to the store every day, just to make sure the fridge is packed with every food item we could ever imagine wanting. 

It's the way we drink coffee slowly in the morning, then again in the afternoon. It's going to bed early and getting up early, awakening to happy little laughter. 

It's driving around Zionsville with my brothers and pointing out where people from our class live - knowing which house belongs to certain people. It's seeing someone you know everywhere you go; no big city anonymity, all small town familiarity. 

It's the way my parents house feels warm and filled with love, even on the coldest Indiana days. 

It's knowing that even when it's over, we'll be back again soon. And knowing that other things may change, but the most important thing is always family.