I was talking with a friend recently about a guy she likes, but she thinks he isn't interested. "I don't think I'm wholesome enough for him," she said.
To which our friend Katie had a vehement reaction ("preach!" I said) and Melissa promptly pulled up this pin.
And, although we laughed at ourselves for being complete girls and turning a real-life situation into a Pinterest-situation, the truth is, it's true.
The moment you begin to play the "I am not enough XXX for him" game, is the moment you stop and 180. It's the moment you remind yourself you are enough and vow never to utter those words again.
There was a guy I dated a while back and I kept telling Courtney, "I am afraid I am going to mess it up." Because I really liked him. And I felt like he was great. And I feared he might be too great and I'd mess it up.
And she'd constantly tell me that I couldn't mess it up. Because when it's the guy you're supposed to end up with, you don't mess it up. He doesn't walk away when you're too noisy or say the wrong thing or are not wholesome enough. Because when it's right, it will be right.
I wish I could say I had learned this lesson the easy way, but instead, I've sat in relationships too afraid to be the full version of myself too many times. Too afraid to admit I did have an opinion on where we went to dinner. Too scared to speak up when I wanted something more - for fear I might be too demanding. Too afraid to admit when I was frustrated or mad - for fear I'd be perceived as unreasonable.
But lately, what I've learned is that we don't have to be small. It's OK to have a voice and an opinion. It's OK to be the full version of ourselves - in fact - it's better. As Katie so wisely said this weekend, when you meet the guy you're supposed to be with, he will make you even more of yourself - he won't make you feel like you should be less of this or more of that [wholesome, even], he will encourage you to be the full version of you. And together, as one, you will be even better.
And that, my friends, makes my heart happy.