a new year // a new sled

Last year over Christmas break we got heaps of snow. And although we didn't have sleds, we made a quick trip to Target and cleaned out the last few they had left. They all broke within an hour, at which point we were going down the hills on just pieces of sleds, but it didn't matter. It's one of my favorite memories with my siblings.


So this year? My dad kindly planned ahead. He bought to fastest (manliest) sleds he could find. He knew how much fun we had last year and wanted us to be prepared.

But, for the first time in as long as I can remember, we didn't get snow on Christmas in Indiana this year. Nothing but a few flurries!

Isn't it funny how life works? We can plan until the cows come home but, in the end, we can't control a thing. There wasn't a sled in the world that could bring us enough snow. And, as it turns out, there wasn't a thing in the world I could do to predict how 2013 would unfold for me, either.



But on the days when things didn't seem so perfect - say when the rats came back, after a few bad dates or when watching one of my very best friends get married meant watching her leave not just our roommateship, but Atlanta, too? On those days, I was wishing for a sled. I was wishing I was in control - that I could just be in charge and make things happen how I'd intended them to.


But that's not life, and as I look back, I couldn't be more grateful for the way life unfolded in 2013. The good, the bad and the beautiful. Because, the more I learn, the more I realize I don't know much at all. This world is big and has so much to teach me. All I can do is do my best and go along for the ride. Sled or no sled.

Happy New Year!

{2013}


It feels like every year in my 20s is so different. Some years are for breaking down and some are for building up and nothing ever stays the same. 

So far in my 20s I've learned to run. Fast. I'm not talking physically though. I've become a talented juggler with too many balls in the air. Running from one place to the next carrying too many items and saying yes to everything. This isn't news to you or me or anyone in between. I've explained this before. 

But as with so many vices, I've become better and better at it. Needing less sleep. Less Whitney time. Less slow and more fast. I've wanted to stop this behavior. Needed to stop it, rather. But not wanted to in a true sense - I have in the way you don't want a piece of cake but you want the cake. In the way I've known I should but wasn't quite ready. 

But now?

I'm ready. 

And excited. 


I'm clearing out clutter and slowing down in 2014. In every facet of life. Purging my closet, getting rid of stuff. Saying yes to things that align with where I'm going - what I want my life to be about. And letting the other things fall away. I'm simplifying and not looking back at the other stuff. The things that weigh me down. 

And, I'm making more time for the people and things that fill me up. 
Dinners with my brothers. 
Yoga. 
Writing. 
The photography class I've wanted to take for two years. 

I'm at crossroads in my life. There are a lot of big decisions I need to make but I've been going too fast to think through them - to reflect and make the right ones. 

So I'm slowing down. I'm simplifying and leaving no stone unturned. I won't stop until my life feels simpler and my yoga breaths feel deeper. 


That's my resolution. To stop resolving to make this change and instead just do it. To stop dreaming of slower days and instead make them happen. 

As for tonight? Ah. Sweet New Year's Eve. The red headed step child of the holiday season. But in my opinion, the fresh start. The new beginning. The clean slate we so often need and deserve. The chance to look at the last year with grace and know there is always the chance to begin again. 

So here's to you, 2013. For all you gave me and taught me, I am so grateful. 

And here's to you, too, 2014. You're going to be a good one. I just know it. 

//

The best of 2013...



{our christmas}

When my siblings and I were young, we spent every Friday night together. First, we ate dinner and then, for a most special dessert, we got to have frozen Hi-C's while watching TGIF and having a sleepover in the family room. 

Every time, without fail, we'd microwave the Hi-C and the aluminum on top would spark and possibly ignite a tad bit. 

It was bliss. One of my favorite memories with my siblings. 

I don't know if my family loves traditions more than most, since this is the only one I've ever been in, but I know we love them as much as is humanly possible. 

But as we've gotten older, we've had to become more flexible. We haven't opened Christmas gifts on Christmas Day in years, because we want to wait for my sisters. We moved and tried a new church and have some food allergies we are accommodating so meals have changed a bit. Things are a little different around here. 


And even though I'll always be a girl for tradition, there is something beautiful in making new ones. As it turns out, Christmas gifts on Jan. 26 make the 25th less about gifts and slow us all down. It makes it more about the holiday with our extended family and less about opening. And more about food :) 





This year, we took it further. On the morning of Dec. 26, we had hot chocolate on the stairs and watched the little kids open their gifts. 


And then that night we put them in bed early, went back upstairs, and waited for our parents to bring us a tray not of hot chocolate, but instead of beer and wine. Then we ran back down those stairs and opened our gifts. Grown up Christmas! 


It was lovely. 

I think sometimes we associate change with things falling apart. We cling to the past because we fear what will happen if we let it go. But, just as we can't get to spring if we don't first get through winter, we can't move forward if we don't let a few things go in our lives. 



This year taught me that, in a family as big as mine, we can't always know what's next. We can't hold onto the past for fear of the future. This year, we swapped hot chocolate for beer and wine, but who knows what next year will hold. Heck, maybe even Hi-C's? 


I can't wait to find out! 

Hope you all had a very Merry Christmas!

Guest Post: Have Yourself A 20-Something Christmas

Happy Christmas Eve, friends! I'm so excited to share a guest post today from my friend, Erika. We went to Africa together this fall and I'm so grateful for the things I learned from her. She lives and blogs in Hoboken, NJ about love and life as a 20-something. Check out her post below on Christmas love and expectations. Have the best Christmas!

//

I have always loved Christmas and the anticipation that leads up to it. As a child, I spent many hours trying to find the gifts my mom would so painstakingly hide. I loved the suspense of seeing presents under the tree, dreaming up all the possibilities of what could be inside.

On Christmas morning, I would wake up early, awakened by anticipation in the darkest of night, and sneak downstairs after I knew my parents and Santa had finished arranging their pile of gifts and stuffing our stockings. I’d tiptoe about in the warm glow of the Christmas tree lights, gazing at the overflow of presents, basking in the calm and magic of Christmas before dawn.

As I grew older, the thing that made this season so special wasn’t as much about the presents, but about being able to spend significant quality time with extended family who lived hours away. It was the one time of year we all gathered together, to sit around the table and exchange stories of God’s faithfulness, and to have those unavoidable family debates.

Throughout high school and college, I began feeling a longing, that desire to have someone with whom to share my incredible family Christmas experiences. I looked at the strong marriages in my extended family, the camaraderie between all my aunts and uncles, and I felt the pang in my heart of bittersweet hope. One day I’ll have that, but when?

Brewer Family Christmas 2007, and my grandparents’ 50th anniversary 


The fact that popular culture harps on the ‘misery’ of being single during the holidays certainly didn’t help my case. You can’t get away from it. I felt like I was missing out. My soundtrack to this season became variations of the sentiment behind SheDaisy’s “That’s What I Want for Christmas”: 

‘When you said yesterday that it's nearly Christmas 
What did I want and I thought just love me, love me, love me 
That's what I want for Christmas

When I walk through a room let them see you need me 
Walk through a room let them see you love me, love me, love me 
That's what I want for Christmas...’ 

Over the years, I had boyfriends through the holidays, so I had a taste of having someone to belong to during this magical season. When I was dating in my early twenties, my vision of a perfect engagement involved hot chocolate, a big fuzzy blanket, a one-horse open sleigh. My dreams were grandiose. My expectations for what Christmas would look once I had found my other half were pretty high to say the least. Thankfully, my parents had a pretty strict policy that boyfriends don’t join us on family vacations. At the time it was annoying, but now I am grateful. The sacredness of most my favorite family memories aren’t marred by the ghosts of boyfriends past. 
Me and Nick, our first Christmas as a dating couple 

Finally, the Christmas of 2011, when I was 26, the dream of sharing my beloved family Christmas traditions with my true love came to pass. My new husband Nick came with me for our big extended family Christmas in North Carolina. It was surreal to watch a hope I had held so long come true. Having the reality of my husband among my family was wonderful. The ease with which he fit into our family surprised me a bit. He laughed and swapped stories with my cousins and uncles - it was like he had always been there. 

But can I tell you that on the other side, while having someone forever at Christmas is wonderful, it isn’t quite like I pictured it? I live across the river from New York City, the American headquarters of Christmas cheer. People come here in droves to experience Christmastime in the city. There are many things I love about living here, but there are others that challenge my younger self’s expectations of what married Christmases would be like. I don’t have a big, comfortable living room with a crackling fire and Christmas tree decked to the nines with ornaments telling stories of Christmases past. I live in a one bedroom apartment less than 800-square-feet, and no real room for a respectable Christmas tree. 

So we make do with what we’ve got - a wreath hung on our window, some twinkly lights, and a little tabletop greenery. 
Apartment-friendly Christmas decor: our window wreath 

Now that I’m married, I balance not just my family holiday traditions, but those of my husband’s family as well. My Christmases will never look the same again. There are wonderful aspects of that, but also challenging ones. I am blessed to have incredible in-laws, but now I feel the pang of missing out in a different way - of not being able to be in two places at once. Those extended family holidays in the south will be few and far between. Distance and job responsibilities shape our Christmas season now. 

When we move into the season of life where we have children of our own, our holiday realities will shift all over again. And I admit… I’m looking forward to creating magical Christmas memories for my future kids - even though they will likely be entirely different than I imagined. 

So for my single friends whose hearts ache during this season, those still in waiting, as much as it hurts, know this time will not last forever. You will someday have the opportunity to share your most cherished holiday traditions with someone you love. 

And regardless of where you are... single, dating, married, childless, or a growing family, if you want to experience the magic and wonder of the season to its fullest, start practicing now. Carry on your family traditions or begin building your own. The magic of Christmas happens when you count your blessings and embrace where you are wholeheartedly.